“Life on Mars: Why Peopling Is a Mystery to Me”
“When your interactions with other kids are severely lacking because other children run away from you on the playground, you never learn to fix your broken social skills. Like me, you walk through life baffled and wondering, ‘What did I do?’ or ‘Why did I say the wrong thing?’”
3 Comments: “Life on Mars: Why Peopling Is a Mystery to Me”
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Oh man, this hits home 100%.
I remembered that my parents gave me my old grade school report cards. All of it is there.
I was bullied (or ignored/avoided) through most of middle school onward). 5th grade was particularly bad. Teacher reported crying in school weekly and other issues that I can now recognize as a little kid dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria.
I grew out of some things but the whole thing about ‘faking neurotypical’ resonates strongly. It’s fun to go to parties, but not so much to hear about others, but as a chance to be a stage actor for a day and be proud of myself for successfully doing neurotypical social things. Then I go home and collapse.
Was recently diagnosed at age 53. 53!
Getting help for it now. Knowing is half the battle.
I hear people say all the time how we shouldn’t care what other people think and I’ve only recently realized they’re talking about something else entirely. When *I* care about what people think I am overwhelmed and disabled by that feeling. It can ruin me emotionally and mentally. I call it an affliction because that’s what it feels like!
From another point of view- peopling in a neurotypical world is exhausting when we care about what they think. I know it’s hard to “live for you”, it’s hard to shut off the RSD feels when you’re trying to do what’s in your best interest while out and about. Even when you know -how- to behave and what they expect, sometimes (very often for me bc of pain) i simply do not have the energy to spare on people i do not have a vested interest in. I barely have enough energy for myself and spending that energy on interactions with strangers is simply not worth it.
My wish to be better able to manage my RSD feels so living for me doesn’t leave me feeling so drained by the perceived expectations and real of others.