Q: “How Can I Accept Myself When ‘Deficit’ Is a Core Component of ADHD?”
“Acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve of your executive function impairments or the challenges you face due to ADHD. It means being square with your symptoms and acknowledging the problems they create. When you acknowledge your reality, you’ll be able to turn your attention to change.”
Q: “How can I truly accept myself when ADHD is generally described as a ‘deficit,’ by researchers and laypeople alike?”
As a counselor who provides dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to adults with ADHD, this question comes up a lot in my work. I also know first-hand of ADHD’s real and serious
challenges because I also live with ADHD. DBT can teach us a lot about acceptance. The “dialectic” in DBT means balancing opposites to find a middle ground. In this case, the opposites are acceptance and change.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve of your executive function impairments or the challenges you face due to ADHD. It means being square with your symptoms and
acknowledging the problems they create. When you acknowledge your reality, you’ll be able to turn your attention to change — working to mitigate the impact of ADHD symptoms and to make your life better.
[Read: The Big Heart Approach to ADHD Acceptance & Self-Love]
I look at my ADHD as a constellation of biologically based executive function impairments that I have to take seriously, just as if I had asthma, diabetes, or another chronic condition that requires ongoing attention and care. By acknowledging what is, I can integrate my neurodevelopmental deficits as part of the tapestry of me. I move on with my life with the understanding that I need a different set of skills and support to thrive.
There are many tools at your disposal to practice acceptance, from mindfulness to emotional regulation exercises. Self-acceptance is not cultivated in one day, but throughout a lifetime. What’s more, radical self-acceptance doesn’t mean that your challenges will completely disappear. ADHD will still be with you, and that’s OK. You can still have a life worth living.
Radical Acceptance and ADHD: Next Steps
- Get This Free Download: What Is Dialectical Behavior Therapy
- Read: 25 Positive Affirmations That Uplift ADHD Brains
- Read: You Are Worthy of Self-Compassion — How to Break the Habit of Internalized Criticism
The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “How DBT Promotes Emotional Regulation, Distress Tolerance, and Mindfulness” [Video Replay &Podcast #527] with Scott Spradlin, LPC, which was broadcast on October 31, 2024.
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