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“What I Love About My Wife with ADHD”

Google will tell you that marriage with ADHD is difficult, but there are so many traits that come along with the condition I wouldn’t trade in for the world. They make my wife the woman I love.

I asked my amazingly wonderful, devastatingly handsome, most level-headed, even-tempered, fiscally responsible, strategically thinking, husband to write about some of the positive aspects of being married to someone with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD). Here’s what he said.

If you google “ADHD and marriage,” there is certainly no shortage of articles asking, “Can Your Relationship Survive ADHD?”, providing “50 Ways Not to Leave Your ADHD Spouse.” I know because I search the topic pretty regularly. I’ve even considered starting a local support group for husbands of women with ADHD.

Being married to my wife can be frustrating, unpredictable, and incredibly exhausting — but I wouldn’t trade even a minute of our relationship for the world. As much as her condition makes her scattered and impulsive, it also makes her the one I want to spend my life with.

I love the fact that if she wants something bad enough, she will stop at nothing — and I mean nothing — until it is hers.

I love that I never know what I’ll find when I get home from work. The living room may be painted purple, or that desk that I’ve been meaning to build is suddenly fully assembled. Or maybe she dressed all the kids up in coordinated outfits, took a professional-quality photo, had that photo blown up, and somehow managed to have it framed and hung in the foyer before I walked in the door.

[Free Download: Manage ADHD’s Impact on Your Relationship]

I love that when the front door was open, every light on in the house, and clothes strewn everywhere, it never even crossed my mind that my wife was kidnapped and our home ransacked by invaders. She just needed to run to the store.

I love that she can’t stay angry for very long because she completely forgot that she was angry in the first place.

I love that when she has an idea, she jumps right in. So many of the best things in our life come from decisions she made on a whim — decisions that I would have never considered. Or, decisions that I would still be considering, and weighing the pros and cons of using an Excel spreadsheet.

I love that when we are out with friends who insist on paying the bill — but aren’t the best tippers — she will add a few bucks when no one is looking.

[“I’m Not Trying to Drive You Crazy, Really”]

I love that she would do just about anything she could to help anyone who needed it. I am amazed and inspired by her willingness to give so much of herself, despite having four kids, a crazy dog, online courses to take, and a full time job.

I love watching her fill out documents. She starts in the middle, jumps to the top, then the bottom, back to the middle. It’s completely random, but that is just the way she operates.

I love seeing how passionately she loves our four children. She makes them each feel so special and important. They know that they can come to her with anything and she’d understand. She has made our home a place of love and comfort, and safety for them.

I love that she has allowed me on board her “crazy train” and lets me share these adventures with her, and I honestly believe I am the luckiest man alive.

[“I Wish My Spouse Understood How Hard I’m Trying”]

This post was originally published on Hackrack. Republished with permission.

13 Comments & Reviews

  1. I LOVE this article!
    I’ve been dating a guy with ADHD for 4 months now and I love him very much. Because I love him, I have been learning a lot about ADHD and most of what I’ve read is not so positive and very scary to a non-ADHD partner. I even have had people telling me to leave now! But I don’t want to leave! I want to be with him and give it a sincere try!
    Articles like this one help me keep my positive outlook on things and gives me hope that we will be OK.
    Thank you so much!

    1. You will be ok. It took my husband a while to get it but were happily married and have been together since 2008… be ready for storms of emotions but they’re followed by unconditional love.

      1. Also we (with ADD/ADHD) will watch every episode of a show that was supposed to be watched together as a couple without you and then rewatch it with our spouse… don’t get mad just watch it together and know chances are when the one with ADD/ADHD is watching your reactions more than the show since we’ve already seen it and what’s new to us is you’re expressions!

  2. Blubbering and laughing and relating ..and hoping that more re-routing_ inspired_ determined_ resiliant_ hopeful_ adult ADHD brains out there are appreciated and accepted and celebrated by loved ones because wow..what a difference validation and acceptance bring to the table… Big ups for big impact.

  3. This is great. It’s heartening to hear because sometimes I feel so deficient I feel that I could never find a partner who will love and treasure all my flaws yet, I have so much love to give and I want very much to be loved in return. Thank you for sharing.

  4. good read – my husband feels the same way about me though it took him time to understand what makes ADHD great and not a huge drag – so blessed to have him in my life – so glad he like my kind of crazy too – he plans writing an entire book about it – we are both writers too.

  5. Excellent article! Refreshing perspective! I was once asked to describe my 5 best & 5 worst qualities. Amazing how easy it is to come up with the negatives, but the positives require way more thought. lol I think tardy, scattered, forgetful, disorganized, & difficulty with prioritizing are all traits we share. However, it seems we’re lucky to share the really good ones too like loyalty, creativity, ambition, spontinaity & most importantly…#empathy. 🙂

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