The ADHD Guide to Deciphering a Date
Can’t read your partner’s body language or between the lines of what’s been said? Follow these expert pointers to discover how to interpret these verbal and non-verbal clues your date is giving you.
When you’re driving it’s easy to know whether you’re supposed to go, proceed with caution or stop. Wouldn’t it be great if signs were that easy to see when it comes to dating and relationships when you have adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD)? If they’re interested, you get a green light. Not sure yet? Yellow. If it were a definite “no,” a red light would let you know loud and clear that it just isn’t going to happen.
Actually, people do send signals to let you know how they feel about you. You can learn to decipher any date by listening to both words and body language. Here, we color-code their communications for you:
Green Light
Verbal
- Statements like, “I really enjoy spending time with you”; “Perhaps we can get together again”; “You are very sweet/ kind/thoughtful… ” or “Here’s my phone number.”
- Attempts to reschedule or develop an alternate plan if unable to get together.
- Asks many questions about you.
Body Language
- Actively engages in eye contact along with open body language, smiles, and perhaps even blushing.
- Stays when you approach and might even move to be closer to you.
- Dresses well when they know they will be seeing you.
- Looks interested when you talk.
- Laughs at your jokes.
Yellow Light
Verbal
- Statements like, “Let me check my schedule and I’ll get back to you.”
- Some time frame given or the possibility of attempt to reschedule if unable to get together.
- Asks a few questions about you.
Body Language
- Engages in eye contact, and smiles at times, but gives mixed body language.
- Stays when you approach.
- Looks somewhat engaged in conversation with you.
- Some special attention to appearance when they know they will see you.
- Seems upset when you make plans to go out with someone else.
- Sometimes smiles at your jokes.
Red Light
Verbal
- Statements like, “I’ll get back to you,” or “perhaps another time”; “Let’s just be friends”; “I don’t want dating to get in the way of our relationship.”
- No back up or alternate plans or time frames given if unable to get together.
- Asks very few questions about you.
Body Language
- Avoids or has limited eye contact, few smiles and closed body position. Frequently checks their watch or the clock.
- Seems to leave quickly when you approach.
- No special attention to appearance if they know they will see you.
- Looks annoyed at your jokes.
Learning to read someone’s signals helps you minimize rejection and spend your energy on positive relationships. And don’t worry — if they seems to be blinking yellow, you can always go back to the old grade school standby and ask your friend to ask their friend if they like you.
