Stop Judging My Child with ADHD!
We should all celebrate the unseen gifts of our kids with attention deficit, even as the world shakes its head in silent judgment.
We have all seen another mother making “one of those faces” when our child acts out, or doesn’t act the way society thinks he or she should. I wrote this for a fellow mom – and for all moms of ADHD kids – who witnessed her son being judged in karate class.
I see you there, shaking your head in silent judgment as my son argues with me in public.
I see you there, making a face and rolling your eyes when my son doesn’t behave the way society expects him to behave in public places.
I see you there, telling your son not to play with, or talk to, my son because you think he’s a bad kid, a disrespectful kid, a problem kid.
My son doesn’t notice you, because he’s too busy to be concerned about what other people think of him, but I notice you. I see the judgment on your face.
Do you think that I can’t see you? Do you think that somehow I love my child less than you love yours? Do you think that you and your child are better than my child and me because you don’t have the same challenges that we do?
Do you know how hard it is for me to remain silent when I see you judging my child? Do you know how badly I want to call you out in front of everyone and say, “I see you! I see you judging us!” But, unlike my son, I am hesitant to make a scene. More importantly, he hasn’t noticed you, and I hope he never does. He is happy with who he is and he doesn’t think he has any challenges. I’d prefer to keep it that way for as long as possible.
Every person has some challenge. Perfection is an illusion. Maybe your flaw is judging people. It’s definitely a flaw. It’s just unclear if that is your only one.
There are a lot of things about my child that you don’t see:
> You don’t know that he loves me with his whole heart, without reservation and without hesitation.
> You don’t see that he is fiercely protective of people that he loves, and he would be upset to know that you had upset me with your actions.
> You don’t see that he is an amazing student and gets fantastic grades at school.
> You don’t see that sometimes he frustrates me beyond belief, but he is my child and I love him as fiercely as he loves me.
> You don’t see that he is very funny, that his view of life, combined with the fact that he has no hesitation pointing out anything he notices, often makes me laugh until I’m in tears.
> You don’t see that he feels things more deeply than most people — joy and hurt.
You don’t see any of that because you don’t care. All you care about is that he is talking a little too loudly for your taste. That he is distracted by a piece of fuzz on his shirt when he should be listening. That he is emotional at times, and gets upset easily. Because of these things you’ve decided he’s a bad kid, that he’s unintelligent, and that he’s not worthy of your time or attention.
Guess what? You are not worthy of mine. I would choose spending time with a thousand people just like my son over spending time with one person like you. Do you know why?
He is honest and authentic, and he doesn’t judge other people. He has empathy and compassion for others. He is always working to be the best that he can be, and he doesn’t waste his time, his life, looking down at other people. He’s enjoying his life and he is enjoying everything that crosses his path.
Don’t you wish you could say the same?
Angela Keck is an online community and social media expert who uses her blog as a means to return to her love of writing. She is proud to be a contributor to the anthology, The Mother of All Meltdowns, as well as several websites. You can find her at Writer Mom’s Blog.