What I Love Most About You (and Your ADHD, Too)

Spontaneity. Creativity. An unparalleled ability to entertain a room full of preschoolers. We asked non-ADHD partners what they loved most about their spouses — and what they said will warm your heart.

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Falling in Love with ADHD

It’s true: Attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) has strained more than a few romantic relationships. Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet. And after a lifetime of criticism for their ADHD faults, they need for their partners to recognize these good qualities — and vice versa, for that matter.

To get the ball rolling, we surveyed more than 400 people currently married to or involved with a partner with ADHD, and asked them what they loved most about their significant others. Their answers — about romance, bravery, and kind hearts — delighted but did not surprise us. Here are some of our favorite responses.

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Zest for Life

“I love his never-ending energy to engage us all. He makes us feel like no one else matters when we are with him!”

“She brings a level of being present in the moment that is really great.”

“The energy that my partner brings to our relationship is refreshing — and it energizes me too!”

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Spontaneity and Bravery

“I’m the one who carefully plans everything — so having someone willing to just randomly do something on the spur of the moment helps balance that.”

“He’s ready for adventure at any time!”

“He has little fear and will just jump into situations that scare me — but that end up being great memories for our family.”

[Click to Read: 10 Ways to Balance ADHD with a Healthy Marriage]

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Creativity and Vision

“He is fantastically creative and when he is interested in something, he gives it his all — at least for a while!”

“He sees the world through a completely different lens. He is often able to put a different perspective on a situation — which is particularly helpful with our kids.”

“He is very creative and observant, oftentimes seeing things that I would overlook.”

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“He is extremely smart and good at many, many things. When in hyperfocus, he learns how to do such more than the average person could.”

“Her mind never stops — and while that makes some day-to-day stuff hard, I wouldn't change her for anything!”

“I love how his brain works!”

Two parents playing with their daughter in the woods; hands-on parenting skills are one of the benefits of loving someone with ADHD
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Hands-On Parenting Skills

“When he's with our kids, he's truly with them — listening to them, getting down on the floor, and playing with them.”

“When our children were little, he would build play spaces for them with whatever we had laying around. We were the neighborhood place to be because we had the coolest obstacles and games!”

“When he really gets into something and explores it with our children, they all love it and have a really good time. It's wonderful to see.”

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“Compassion, empathy, understanding, and the ability to help our daughters (and others) see ADHD NOT as a deficit, but as the awesomely unique and creative way our brains function.”

“He is very caring and generous. He never holds a grudge!”

“The way he notices and remembers everything about what makes me happy!”

“His loyalty is immeasurable — he loves deeply.”

[Read: 11 Rules for Fighting Right]

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Sense of Humor

“He is very funny — and always keeps me laughing.”

“We laugh a lot about some of the aspects of ADHD, like, ‘Where’s my phone?’ ‘You're talking on it!’”

“He’s able to laugh about all the craziness.”

[Read This Next: Cooped Up with ADHD? Relationship Advice for Couples Strained by Social Distancing]