Like a bull in a china shop, I’m told every day that I’m bumping into things. Yes, I drop my phone, trip when I’m walking, and spill my drink when I open the car door. But, mostly, my bumping is mental, not physical.
A few minutes after starting a new task, I often hit a brick wall of confusion or distraction or overwhelm or disinterest. No matter how hard I try, I can’t break through or climb over the barrier.
I may be staring at the computer, a book, or a blank piece of paper when I suddenly notice that nothing is happening; it’s as if my brain has stopped working. No data comes in, and no data goes out. I sit and wait for the empty space to fill up with thoughts and productivity, but I must also prepare myself in case it doesn’t.
No one understands the frustration I feel as I go through the day bumping into walls. I cry because I can’t break through and because I know people look at me as an irresponsible procrastinator. They don’t know that my frozen brain is full of anxiety, self-doubt, and fear.
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