Emotional control, is the ability to manage your feelings in order to achieve goals, complete tasks, or direct behavior. Some kids with attention deficit handle their emotions just fine; others don’t. What's true for every child: Empathy works well.
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Encourage your child to forgive herself for mistakes. Emotional upset is caused less by specific situations or events and more by what we tell ourselves about that situation. For example, if your child is upset about forgetting her homework, help her redirect that anger into planning ways she can remember to bring it tomorrow.
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Create a 5-Point Scale
Use a scale to help your child gauge how upset she is and help her make a coping strategy for each step. The scale might look like this:
This doesn’t bother me at all.
I can talk myself down.
I can feel my heart speeding up...I’ll take 10 deep breaths to relax.
OK, this is getting to me, I probably need to “take 5” to regroup.
I'm about to have a meltdown and lose emotional control – I need to leave the situation for a few minutes.
Work with your child to create a one-paragraph “social story” that addresses a child’s problem situation – getting in trouble on the playground, the disappointment that comes with earning a bad grade, nervousness when the student has to perform in front of a group – and ends happily with a coping strategy, not a loss of emotional control.
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Be sure to point out when your child shows good emotional control and give praise where it’s due. You could say, “I saw how angry you were, but you kept your cool. Nice job.”
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Get Some Shuteye
Make sure your child gets enough sleep. Fatigue increases problems with emotional control. Schedules and daily routines help children better regulate their emotions, because they know what they have to handle and do.
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Develop a Plan of Action
Help your child plan for problem situations by coming up with some coping strategies together. For example, when a situation gets heated, your child can let you know when she needs a break. Other self-soothing strategies include holding a favorite stuffed animal (for a younger child) or listening to relaxing music on an MP3 player (for an older child).
Help your child create a “hard-times board.” List three categories on it:
The triggers–what makes your child upset
The can’t-do’s – the behavior that’s not permitted at times of upset, and
The can-do’s – two or three coping strategies (draw a picture, take a five-minute break, get a drink of water) to help her recover from being upset. Commend your child when she uses one of the coping strategies from her board.
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Lead by Example
Show your child how you cope with emotional upset. For instance, explain how if you find yourself getting cranky and you’re afraid you might say something mean, set the timer for three minutes and take a time-out to calm down. Strategies that work for you may also work for your child.