"Teen Bullying Solutions: Help for Neurodivergent Adolescents" [Video Replay & Podcast #458]

4 Comments: "Teen Bullying Solutions: Help for Neurodivergent Adolescents" [Video Replay & Podcast #458]

1. I identify so strongly with bully victims because I was one for so many years. I don’t think that bullying has changed very much at all since lemurs morphed into primates. This awful “tradition” continues to exist in schools, colleges, college fraternities, he military, companies large and small, local and national government agencies —- literally everywhere.

   I disagree that someone in authority should sit a bully down and try to reason with him are not grounded in reality. That makes the the huge and unlikely assumption that the bully will have an epiphany, find religion and change his ways or wil even listen in the first place. Bullies have the attitude that they are not accountable to anyone. They never apologize unless they get their butts kicked.

   And please don’t make excuses for bullies. They do not have to do what they do. Me sentiments are with the hapless victims.

   I repeat that the the only thing that causes a bully to to not continue his aggression is a target who fights back.The notion that a boy who suddenly finds himself in a choke hold by a gorilla can beg for a cease-fire. He must react NOW and squirm, SQUIRM HARD, kick, punch, scratch or bite, whatever it takes to break loose.

   The presenter mentions some success in getting the boys to open up to their parents. OK, fine, ut what is the next step? Telling the school authorities? Don’t have too much faith in that. In my 8th Grade a Gang of Four bullies tackled me and pulled my pants down in front of a group of girls. My father called the Jr HS principal who then came to our house, feigned outrage and promised action. The upshot? The bad boys each got a ‘D’ in conduct on their report cards.

   The speaker admitted to a questioner that taekwondo might be useful in building the victim’s self esteem but stopped short of mentioning the more profound reason for learning how to fight: to protect oneself against physical injury.

   Psych professionals will surely encounter ADHD boys who have been cruelly mistreated by bullies. These counselors must give sensible and realistic guidance. This presentation should have an addendum because male bullying does not always stop with just verbal taunts and insults a because of the serious of the bullies’ actions. SOMEONE needs to write a well-reasoned chapter on how a bully victim can defend himself when under attack, but who would that be? A psychologist or psychiatrist? An army drill instructor? A boxing coach? A professor from a military?

2. I am still searching on information/solutions that addresses the bullying effectively. I feel like bullying comes from an unhealthy coping strategy to meet a need that a kid is not getting support with. Every advice seems to ask the victim to work harder, change, prove, move. A long term change that if at all useful will just have the bully move on to the next kid. Anything that is remotely aimed at changing the bully’s behavior seems to be a one of thing. Read a letter the victim wrote ( meanwhile that victim is told that they need to make themselves even more vulnerable to who bullies them.) and write an apology. What comes after? All the effort being put into helping kids make themselves less of a victim should really be going into how to help kids find healthy coping mechanisms and outlets to issues they are experiencing or nothing will change. Broad social lessons are a great start, but when they don’t work, why not send those kids to the social worker/school psychiatrist to talk weekly and figure things out. Leave the victim alone already.

3. 2nd Comment: Live Webinar on June 6: Teen Bullying Solutions: Help for Neurodivergent Adolescents

   June 6, 2023

   This is to supplement my post of May 13.

   I watched this presentation on June 6, 2023 and IMHO this essay comes up short. The article correctly explains how ADD/ADHD kids, largely because of their social awkwardness, are ready targets of bullies. The author establishes a direct connection between kids with ADD/ADHD and bullying but fades out after that and suggests only ineffectual verbal solutions.

   Imagine a 14 YO boy victim who is about to be slammed into a wall by a bully breathing in his face. This essay offers no practical tactical advice and, indeed, does not even acknowledge that such physical abuse exists in a boy’s/man’s world. Women never experience it so it follows that they do not understand it.

   This discussion places too much faith in adult involvement. My HS principal was too preoccupied with finding an athletic coach who could deliver victories on the football field. He had no patience for any nerdy ADD/ADHD kid who was not willing to fight back.

   A high percentage of bullies come from broken homes; an alcoholic father who routinely beats his wife and kids; a single mom who is struggling with food stamps and a minimum wage job. Don’t expect any help from these people.

   Please reread my previous post. My advice? The short version is to enroll your son in a boxing, judo or tae kwon do class, not just to build up his self esteem but to put it into actual use in case some sadist tries to get him in a choke hold.

   I look forward to a follow on Part 2 of Teen Bullying Solutions: Help for Neurodivergent Adolescents When Physical Abuse Occurs.

4. This is in response to the upcoming June 6, 2023 seminar Teen Bullying Solu=ons: Help for Neurodivergent Adolescents. I must preemp=vely speak out. I have some useful, prac=cal advice to any BOYS who are under siege by bullies. I will address you as Vic, for VICTIM.I hate bullies. Bullies cause great harm and they rob their victims of their dignity.

   I am a man in my retirement stages and I think that I still have some PTSD from being the constant target of bullies over 50 years ago. I was shoved, slapped, pushed, punched, kicked and spat on. My worst experience was in 6th Grade when an 8th Grade King Kong grabbed me from behind in a choke hold and tried to dunk my head into an unflushed toilet bowl.

   Vic, I bleed for you and feel your pain. So please hear me out because I have lived it too and I care about what is being dished out to you. Don’t listen to any women, because they never had to endure this type of abuse and they just do not understand. As you are aware, male bullies take their aggression to a whole quantum level higher, well beyond insults and taunts. When they don’t get the reaction they want, they resort to physical a\acks. They can be vicious, violent, brutal and cruel. So here is my advice from real-life experience:

   1. You cannot reason with or negotiate any sort of peace treaty with bullies. When verbal abuse does not elicit the response they want, they instantly ramp up to physical attacks.

   2. Despite your best efforts to avoid a fight, A FIGHT IS EVENTUALY GOING TO FIND YOU, so you, like Ukraine, need a prepared defense plan in place. “Fighting will only get you both in trouble” wrote another ADDitude contributor. No it won’t. No it won’t. No fair-minded principal is going to punish a bully vic=m for fending off a wanton undeserved attack.

   3. Forget about telling a teacher. The silence of omerta of crime families applies here too. Protesting to the school administration will brand you as a weakling and a coward. Ager the attempted toilet bowl dunking I complained to the principle. That bully was the MVP junior varsity football player and nothing happened.

   4. Avoid the 300 lb (140 kg), 7 g (210 cm) gorillas. They will maim and mangle you and take fiendish delight in your suffering.

   5. Have your parents enroll you in a boxing, judo or taekwondo class. This will teach you some useful schoolyard fisticuff combat tactics and help you steel your nerves while under extreme duress. If it becomes a fight where the bully sees it happening and has not been taken by surprise, most such fights that I have seen end in a draw with neither combatant landing a decisive punch. This case is not a total loss; you will have demonstrated that you will not meekly accept abuse.

   6. Draw up a mental list of bullies your size or size or preferably smaller and swing into action if they commit an act of war. I learned from hard experience that trying to shrug off such attacks only makes things worse. Even the younger bullies took note and now joined in on the fun. This situation got completely out of control. Use the element of surprise if you can and strike back hard. Lest he counterattacks, continue to administer corporal retaliation until he surrenders or begs for mercy.

   One day in 10th grade a terrorist-in-training runt grabbed the pencils and pens out of my breast pocket. I immediately swung into action and punched him HARD in the snout. He bled all over his shirt and ran off crying to the school nurse. Word of this instantly shocked the bully club and they took notice that I would no longer accept being the campus punching bag. Bullies do not want to mess with anyone who will resist. The principal was wise enough to correctly surmise what happened and I was never called onto the carpet. I had a peaceful life for the final 2 years of my high school tour of duty!

   Schoolyard bullies are still an unfortunate fact of life and don’t insult my intelligence by making excuses for them because they also have ADHD. That is not relevant! The fact is that they have no right to take it out on innocent victims. My bad times were in the late 1960s but our then-HS freshman son had a bad experience with a local bully in the mid 1990s.

   This neighborhood big tyrant stood in front of the school bus door and demanded a $1 “fare” from each boy. The school officials were mystified why that particular bus delivered only girls to the unloading area. We complained to the principal but he was annoyed (at us!) and said that there was nothing he could (or would) do because these incidents occurred far away from school grounds. We then had a sheriff’s deputy take a report. He promised to oversee boarding operations at the morning bus pickup but nothing ever happened.

   So, Vic, hang in there and be brave. I wish you well and GBU.