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The Unspoken Mom Expectations I Proudly Reject

I can feel guilty about yelling, about responding meanly, about losing my cool. But I will not be made to feel guilty for things beyond my control — namely the behaviors caused by my kids’ ADHD symptoms.

11 Comments: The Unspoken Mom Expectations I Proudly Reject

  1. Wow. So we just throw our hands up and tell everyone else to deal with it?
    Don’t get me wrong, I understand what you’re saying and with 4 kids I can relate. On the other hand, when my kids were having a melt down in the store, we went outside to the car. There is no reason or right for me or my children to subject others to bad behavior. In a restaurant, when our noise started offending others, we paid our bill and let the other patrons enjoy the experience that they were paying for. Shopping and your kids are running the aisles, wrestling or whatever is unaccceptable.
    When we have ADHD kids or any other non-neuro typical child, our job is to guide and instruct our children in ways and behaviors that work within the societal framework we are in. That is part of our social contract. This is true for every parent and every child. Its hard work, plain and simple, but it is important work that needs to be done.

    1. I agree with you. I don’t think we do our ADHD kids (I have two) any favors by lowering the behavior bar. No one will ever be as patient and as loving than we are as their parents. Their future bosses, spouses, neighbors, friends, etc. will expect a certain standard of behavior. Fair or not, life can and will deal out consquences to those that don’t comply with societal norms of behavior and no one will care whether or not they have ADHD. I’m not giving up on my kids. They have a disorder that explains bad behavior, but doesn’t excuse it. It’s my job as their Mom to prepare them for the REAL world and not insulate them from it.

  2. I’ve been living this article for 2 1/2 years. I am the same way with my lil one. I don’t care what anyone thinks or if they stare! I’ve been asked to leave a restaurant on my birthday before and I don’t plan on ever returning!

  3. What a fantastic article. So many more of us need to grow a pair and be openly accepting of our kids. I can relate to so much of this! Well done

  4. Best article I’ve read in a long time! Its powerful and freeing. Reminds me what I am responsible for and for what I am not. Thank you!

  5. All I can say is A-freaking-Men! I have dealt with all of these and I’m so tired of trying to explain to family, friends and even strangers why my daughter’s behavior is attributable to her ADHD without sounding like I’m making excuses. People without ADHD or who don’t have kids with ADHD usually just don’t get it. I also learned a little something about unrealistic expectations I’ve placed on my daughter myself. Thanks for a great article!

  6. For #11 you can add in doctor, therapists, teachers, etc who suggest non-proven “some people say it works” products. Don’t ask me to spend my money on something that is not proven to work and hasn’t been studied for side effects and has not been certified to contain what the label claims to contain.

    The whole article also pertains to other primary care givers (dad expectations).

  7. “sneak onto the bottom pallet of the cart, hit things with sticks, or brush too close to other people’s cars“
    Wow. You nailed it! I’ve lost so many minutes of my life reprimanding my ADHD kids for these behaviors. And it’s just now hit my that my neurotypical child has never once done any of these things!
    I’m inspired by your attitude and unwavering public support of your boys. I need to find the village you have in your spouse/mom/bff so I can stop complaining to my girlfriends.
    Thank you for publishing this gem!

  8. Thank you so much! Your article brought tears and smiles to my eyes. I am granny with two boys ages 10 and 11. The 11 yr pld has ADHD and together they do EVERYTHING you mentioned. I wanna be like you! You and your boys just blessed my heart.

  9. Really, really love this article and your passion. I especially admire your strength and steadfast support for your boys regardless of the judgement coming at you. I could be doing much better in this regard. I am inspired by your article. Thank you.

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