6 Mistakes I Made with My Kids
"I grew up feeling like a failure. This feeling of worthlessness impacted everything in my life, including my ability to parent. I’ve learned how to be a better parent with time and practice, but these regrets will forever remind me of life’s greatest lessons."
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2 Comments: 6 Mistakes I Made with My Kids
This article could have been written by me, as it summarizes my life and my parenting to the letter. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but was considered mild and never received treatment. I was never told I had the diagnosis until I was in my late 30’s and it wasn’t until I started researching ADHD for my children (I have 3 adult children who do not have it and two young children who do) that I learned just how much my life and parenting has been affected by ADHD, and just how negative the lack of knowledge has been for me. I’ve only just recently started looking for a doctor who specializes in adult ADHD so I can finally get the treatment I’ve really been needing all my life, for my kids’ sake as well as my own.
I think this article is wonderful, however,it relates to assumptions that I don’t agree with 100%. And that is fine! One thing I’ve learned as a parent, is that your child has his own mind and every person is different. For me, saying “maybe” means just that – my daughter is young but mature enough and conversations with her have helped her understand that I alwaus want to say yes! But sometimes for her safety or other obligations etc, the answer is NO, and when/if it changes, it IS a nice surprise, but she has the intellect to understand that maybe means I want to say yes but there are factors I may or may not point out that could lead to a NO. And thus maybe really means maybe… Also, letting her know and talking about my ‘restrictions/disabilities’ let her understand better that I AM distracted, and tjat it’s NOT her, and 100% honesty – if I have disappointed or let jer doen, to TELL ME! That I may or may not have a ‘valid’ excuse – like having to work so we can have money to … or that I just got distracted and will try harder and she can help – asking me – do you need time to finish…. or are you distracted and need to be reminded … This openness with her has helped our relationship, but again, she is mature enough to understand at a young age that I am human, imperfect, jave problems, but my love IS uncinditional amd she can cime ti me with anything, amd sometimes that means reminding me to drop everything and be there for her. As far as spanking – I know it is conteoversial. For my ex and I, we did spank her as a toddler when nothing else worked, but also we were able to recognise when she say, hadn’t napped that day and was ‘overwound’ and unable to control her outbursts vs just being disruptive and ‘spoiled’ and wanting her way. In those times, to rem she was so over tired and exhausted but unable to express or know why, we were able to be more giving and find otjer ways to calm her down, or even let her jer go until she collapsed – but for me, I had to just hold her, let my compassion override my irritation, and let her kick and scream against me until she fell asleep. After that period, we did not feel ‘spanking’ was the right choice ever. And regardless of other’s beliefs, there IS a point where it is not helpful, but that is not for me to judge. I can onky say during a select time, sometimes, it was the only thing that helped. And this is much differemt from abuse etc. Never leaving bruisnes or marks etc… before anyone accuses me of child abuse, it wasn’t like ‘that’ – it wasn’t abusive and always higged and lovwd and told why in the most basic ways for her tiny age. And that was a short period, after which, she understood, and other consequences like losing toys etc were understood and unwanted and made her think twice about having “fits” – and I think as an adhd parent, I was more stmpathetic, almost too much, and still told I am, when she acts out. Again, lovely article, I just wanted to note that as all people are different, not to think badly of youraelf if you choose or have chosen other means. The outcome is what counts. You don’t want your child to fear you, but respect, you want them to know they can be honest and open, and we need to recognise when our kids understand more and give them credit for that. Thank you.