"OMG, So That's Why I Do That?!"
"The ADHD world is curvilinear. Past, present, and future are never separate and distinct. Everything is now." And that can complicate everyday life, work, and relationships. Here, Dr. William Dodson explains the neurological workings of the ADHD mind.
34 Comments: "OMG, So That's Why I Do That?!"
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Wow I wish this author was my doctor. I see an NP. Made it to 30 before diagnosed. Had to go through two other physiologists that were clueless to finally see someone that would diagnose. Get little help such as I read here with dealing with life, just meds, that don’t work very much and it’s like pulling teeth to get anything increased or try something else. But this is 1000% me and one if not both of my children. I guess nobody around here understands or cares about this stuff. ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
@bunneyoo you beautiful messy being, it’s uncensored, honest articles like yours that help ‘neurotypicals’ like me understand the depth of misunderstanding you guys suffer and hopefully help me be a better person toward my ADHD partner!! Keep on being you!
Brilliant bunneyoo๐,dont know if you check back in here.first time coming across what you wrote.So open,so caring,so honest and so adhd๐.hope you started that blog for yourself and you are well n happy.thanks for the smiles and your openess.
Dear Serena, you have no idea how much your testimonial (letโs call it that, LOL) has touched me and just made my day, my week, my life. Itโs as if you articulated and put into words all of my daily struggles, emotions, challenges, everything that Iโm facing for what feels like forever and that I canโt seem to find a solution for. Thank you for โrantingโ And having the courage this post. As you see from the many replies, you are not alone and many people relate to what you wrote and we finally see that we are not alone and maybe it IS true that there is such a thing as โneurotypicalโ and not. Or perhaps it is that there are different types of โneuro profilesโ and they are All normal and healthy. What isnโt is the expectations of society of one profile being the normal one… Regardless, I just want to THANK you and tell you how AMAZED I am at how everything, really everything, you wrote is so spot on to the T of what I am going through. Itโs crazy. Itโs like you copy pasted my life. I would love to get in contact with you or meet you if youโd like and somehow the stars are even more aligned and we live in the same area. And if that doesnโt really interest you, well thanks again so much for sharing and letโs continue being a supportive community to one another on this God sent website. – Audrey (Quebec, Canada ๐จ๐ฆ)
Hi Serena, about ” I surrender”, from lyrics of x by y; something like “why is it so hard to sign my own surrender?”. Was diagnosed at 43 tried medication for 3months, cause my partner had issues with me, meds did not fix the issues, i did not get the A or H flags, crappy acronym, not covered as chronic meds by health insurance, and partner was getting treatment for a whole bunch of things including Bipolar. ADHD as I understood it then was just a bit of a hindrance and with effort i could pay better attention if i really wanted to….. Now at 50 started meds again and this time spent many hours on sites like these and youtube channels. Thank you very much for every one that made the effort to explain it from a fellow brains perspective. Same reaction from me, I have it and I get it.(I.T. = Intention Tripping,, mm thinking…aah carry on or side-track). Maybe Spiraled Incline Plain DSM5, just add a “Get It” button to this page, that if clicked rewarded you with the gift of knowledge that you are probably one of us. Got it?
Oh yes, surrender: was inspired to paint a canvas, write the words; “I surrender” with a big white box to the right, the idea being to hang it above my door, prick my thumb and sign it in blood with my finger print, almost done, just want to add some more detail, conflicted about this, i suppose i can sign it already…..now a 3month old project….
Anybody ended up reading all about screws? also x=? y=”Kongos”.
oops need to get back to work,
last thought for me all the stuff with relation to emotions helped bringing it home. Found some good info on codependent also, which I suspect might be a common side effect….
Oh yes, Mindfulness, as in meditation helped me solve one problem that would have taken years of lying on a couch to uncover. I now for the first time in a very long time trust my gut again.(the meta-physical one)
tick, tick ,tick, tick, tick, tic, ti, t
My heart goes out to all of you and it goes out to me too, for the first time in 29 years.
I was diagnosed a few months back. Life changing. For the first time, I can truly feel love for myself and accept myself as a truly strange and wonderful masterpiece from God’s hands.
The struggle is real but so is the awesomeness.
I’ll be 60 in a couple weeks, have been diagnosed 20 years now, and I’m still trying to learn that!
Aha! Diagnosed at 39 here… 41 now. I’d love to ask if you’ve got any advice for the next couple of decades but that would probably be a silly question. My only observation is that I don’t mind ADHD, but I do mind the anxiety about other folks’ strange and inexplicable expectations of me.
Take care all! Ed, UK
Serena, You’ve just described my entire life experience perfectly at a time when I no longer have the words and am feeling exhausted from a lifetime of valiant attempts to be the best I can be for everyone.. I have a masters in social work. I was a therapist. Can’t count the number of times I’ve been fired for being disorganized, late, and not being able to keep up with paper work. Not even trained psychologists nor other mental health professionals are the least bit understanding towards a colleague with ADHD and EFD. In fact, mental health professionals are much LESS UNDERSTANDING. My self esteem and sense of worth has been obliterated from the comments. My love and compassion to my ADHD kind.
Why is this 12 pages long? Is there a link to see it all on one page?
A linear environment is not necessarily a negative thing for an ADD/ADHD person. One could still function well.
I’d like to add that the multi-frame format of the article is not particularly “ADD-user-friendly”! Why not simply use a one-page or bullet list format?! I hate having to see each tidbit of information with a delay! Does anyone else experience this?
I discovered that there IS a way to cut the 12 panels down to one page (well, 3 pages, anyway.) I hope this helps.
On the 1st page of 12, just right-click where it says “Next” and you should see the list of things you can do with the text. I chose “Print” and I can either print it out or use my printer choices to save it as a PDF. (Or besides Print, there’s also a “Save” option which may be more direct.)
I think I got that info from someone associated with ADDitude–maybe after another article(?)– but I can’t remember who I need to thank for it. [Well ,of course I can’t; I have ADhD!]
Oops! The icons are also for Facebook, Pintrest, and Twitter. The last icon in the group is to “Save” the article in your ADDitude account.
Hello, All, You can print articles from ADDitude in an easy to read one or two-page format. Just look for the icons for email, printing, etc. I sometimes print them out and put them in a file. Sometimes I send them to my wife. Whether you want to keep it for yourself or give it to someone who you would like to understand you better, the print or email solution. Dr. Dodson is excellent at helping us see ourselves realistically. I just wish this article had a final frame of solutions!
Yes, and I wanted to copy it to put on one page to show my boyfriend (who, I think, still doesn’t “get” what my ADD is and means) rather than making him take the time to read through twelve pages himself! Also, referring back to one part of the info without going thru the slideshow all over again wold be helpful to me, too.
Exact. Same. Problem. I can’t even find where the article is…so frustrating!!
I can relate. There is some comfort in knowing that “seeing oneself as unreliable” is shared by others with ADD; very difficult to see oneself “realistically” if you can’t predict your energy level accurately.
Finally got diagnosed the other week at 27 years old and I’m trying to not laugh at how many of these articles or completely spot on, all these years thinking I’m either an idiot or just lazy and now after having official validation from an actual psychiatrist, seeing all of this makes perfect sense, hell my life now makes sense.
Happy to have found this site, though I’ve gotta say…the amount of ads you have on here is really unhelpful given your audience.
30 days in to finding out what A.D.H.D. really is im 41 many years ago i remember going to a doctors office and they hooked my little brain up. And put me to sleep n said it was as if i was fully awake running around this was the early 80’s so longy story short i didnt take meds and spent the next 35 years living in hell that i had no one to blame but my self no matter what i did how hard i tried how smart i was i could. Not stop finding myself in another situation where i was answering the usual why??? With my favorite response I DONT KNOW! wasnt long befor i tore my family apart and the weight of all the guilt and shame turned me into a run away omg the stimulation of running the streets was so freeing for once i could think about one thing!! I couldnt stop when i did the amount of thaughts that would run through my mind about absolutely everything would paralyze me i felt like such a oddball then i found drugs and sex of course it was all fun and game til i physically needed the drugs and every girl and eventually woman in my life eventually left over the same reason …i didnt pay them enough attention then the law got involved and this is the same cycle that was my life in any kind of secure facility i ever been i did well for some strange reason i actually thaught to myself i must like prison?? My esteem was shot but no matter how many losses i took i got up n fought back only to lose again and the saga continued…. i often told my self im going through all this for a reason im meant to do something amazing in life deep inside i felt it … almost three years ago that thought started to die at that time i was offered mental health treatment desperate i tried and a wonderful lady who let me talk as much as i wanted as fast as i wanted prescribed me adderal and my life changed i became employed a shift supervisor yall i would get up in the morning go to work and on my walk to work i would cry cause i couldnt believe how beautiful life was still not knowing what adhd was i didnt take it serious n one day said i dont need these meds im good now ….(uh-oh)a month later i went back to using and lost it all after 4 months i woke up homeless with a herion habit AGAIN!! WITH NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF!! And like always i got back up and began another round of war with myself being the kinda guy who reads everything i can get my hands until i exhaust any and all subjects i came across Driven To Distraction n just broke down on my bed and cried n cried everything i had been trying to explain was right her in one book one story n i just kept saying IM NOT CRAZY …… I KNOW IM MAKING MY SELF VULNERABLE (TELLING MY STORY) SOMETHING THE STREETS JAILS PRISON AND A LIST OF OTHER THINGS TAUGHT ME NOT TO DO …BUT I GOTTA HELP ANYONE ONE ESPECIALLY THE YOUNG PEOPLE FROM EXPERIENCING A MOMENT OF THE HELL THAT WAS MY LIFE …THAT WOULD BE THE “SOMETHING BIG I WAS MEANT TO DO” today i am an amazing man cause i kept getting up my ADHD is not my excuse nope cause i paid my dues but i know why now there is a reason besides my morals!! If your a mom or dad of A adhd kid hold on he or she knows AND sees you there if you lose your cool its ok dont give up we all make mistakes communication is key
My ma locked me in my room to insure my familys safety my young mind didnt understand that so i blamed a lifetime of pain on her for what i thaught she did it wasnt until i read a parents side of the ADHD story then my heart ached for all the pain i caused her …our relationship is a work in progress as well as my life !!
Please forgive my writing skills as you can from my story school was not on my list of high Stimulation activities after years of being kicked out my last grade i completed was 7th a month later got my ged ….a like always the usual you have some much potentialvwhy dont you use it !! I dont know!! Was my USUAL!! I now know yall!! Which gives my the power to reach my potential!! Thanks for reading!!
I understand completely what you went through!! I was always getting expelled from school & trouble concentrating. I have had my failed marriages because I actually drove my ex crazy with the talking & unorganized life!! He was constantly putting me down and was ashamed of me no matter how hard I tried to be โperfect โ. I have struggled with drug abuse in my early teens with no answers except I must be a weak & bad person!! Iโm 50 now (was diagnosed at age 48) I now realize it was the ADHD. Now on medication with a loving husband who thinks I hung the moon!!! Still have little bouts of โfreak outs โ, but nothing I canโt handle. Itโs nice to know we are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story!!
Welcome to the Surreal World!
Loved this article and this site, wish my family would look here for some guidance, and help with acceptance of my diagnosis. After a lifetime of being the weird girl, Finally, this great phych tells me I have ADHD! Four years ago, at 56!
Still trying to relearn how to live and cope, using these newly discovered tools!
A website such as this is wonderful, especially for those of us isolated either by distance or something else, to find support and maybe a few shared moments! Maybe even laughs!๐๐
Hey girl ๐
I got diagnosed at 28 (am now 30), and wow…this website has been a godsend for me. Just knowing I’m not stupid, lazy, or just plain careless, & that there are actual reasons for every single one of my shortcomings (many of which I’m surprised were even documented – because I’ve always thought a lot of my more pathetic personality traits, were just thoughtless old ME!) I mean…even my phobia of talking on the phone, and answering the door, or being more comfortable hanging out with strangers than family or friends… and the shame. Ohh the shame ๐
I’ve got to say though… having the disagnosis might be extremely comforting and provide a heap of peace of mind to YOU – like I said, it did for me too… but that’s where it ended (for me anyway). NO adult takes another adult saying that they have ADHD seriously, (*especially* if it’s when explaining the reason for a mistake, lateness, or forgetting something)
People just think it’s a cop out, period.
All the preconceptions of the “naughty 12yr old boy “disease”” (which most people think it’s NOT a real condition at all, and is just a load of crap to help doctors put a label on out of control children that they can’t fix due to just plain old “bad parenting”)
Like myself – I didn’t know much about the disorder besides the basics (& assumptions) that most of the public have… until i got diagnosed myself, and found ADDitude that is – & I felt so much better about it (along with my psych’s help and meds)…but I’m talkin, like even to help my family, my LOVED ONES how to understand me, and help in certain ways (by way of my bright idea of printing out a couple of pages that I felt I most identified with – this list of 12 actually being the main one) …they still find it a cop out. They just cannot fathom how blind one can be from the world “right in front of you”
Ugh ๐คฆ๐ผโโ๏ธ LIKE HELLO?! ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธDID YOU EVEN READ IT?! ๐๐ผ NO – I don’t see that pile of bills and books piling up! NO – even though I just ate dinner and the result is a dirty plate – NO I DONT think about all the dirty dishes on the kitchen countertops and how much I want to clean them!! …that’s YOU mum! Not me!!
-I think of the piles of bills when I get an email saying I’m late for a payment, or when I’m looking for a book and I know it’s in that pile. (YES, I *DO* know where every single thing is in these messes on every surface – but only when I need it!
I *NEVERRRRRR* THINK OF HOW MUCH I WANT TO CLEAN ALL THE PLATES WE JUST COOKED & ATE OFF!! – If anything, my brain would purposely AVOID that subject..because it’s THE most boooring task on the planet and I don’t WANT to do it! & you know what, just like the pile of papers – when I can’t see the dishes in the kitchen – I’M NOT EVEN AWARE THAT THEY EXIST!
And when I’m late, or my place is a mess, or I’m having to explain myself (for the 9375 billionth time in my life), and this time i say “but it’s ok, it’s just my ADHD and I’m working on it”
…People give me the complete “did you ACTUALLY just say that” face+body language, while verbally saying “oh ok that’s ok” – I find that mentioning that I have ADHD in passing convo, &/or even announcing/admitting/declaring that “I’ve finally been diagnosed with ADHD, and now all the pieces of the puzzle seem to have fallen into place & have made my life finally make sense” (to me, that sounds like a huge, & happy statement to me, right? (Not that I’ve done it to a huge group or anything)) but regardless – it’s just NEVER received sincerely (by anyone who’s not family) …even though they respond with the appropriate words.
***I’m 200% SURE – that if I were to replace the “ADHD” with ANY other mental, emotional, even physical illness or condition when announcing my diagnosis, I’d get a much more satisfied response, maybe (actually, more than likely) there’d be some follow up questions like “so how are you going with that? What sort of treatment has your doctor decided on trying with you?”
instead….nothing. *crickets*
Not another word is mentioned about it after they’ve responded to your first-time confession of your newly diagnosed disorder at such a late stage in life (which really, warrants a whole BUNCH of questions in my opinion) ๐ But.. Nope, they don’t wanna know another word of your bullshit cop-out excuse.
I imagine I might even hear from people “Wow…You’re even getting lazy with your excuses now Serena”
๐ฆ๐
Don’t get me wrong – I do have support – (at face value) my family accepts it (for me)…but I know that they don’t believe it’s real in me. Because I only ever see them when I’m out, dressed nice, feeling good, (after having agonised myself for the past 48hrs convincing myself that I AM & WILL be fine & normal around them all, that “I’ve got this” …because they’re my family & they love me no matter what. And they’ve seen me through much worse – so let’s just “fake it til you make it girl!!”.. and you know what? I do! Every single time! I come across perfectly normal and happy and “together” for those few hours that we catch up every once in a while.
..Little do they know when I get home I am SO exhausted from acting normal & trying to control my gut wrenching anxiety while there that my muscles actually HURT from having tightened and tensed muscles them for the entire 3-4hrs.
I remain exhausted for the whole next day too. It’s like a mental hangover! And Im sober!
But I go over every single thing that happened, over & over the night in my head, with a fine toothed comb – checking & wondering if i made a fool of myself at any point over the night. What could they be gossiping badly about me after seeing them? …I know I was looking super fat that day. It was a size bigger dress but by the end of dinner I was fitting very snug into that size 10-12. I HATE how much I eat. ๐ญ
Apparently because our dopamine is all stuffed up and deficient – we crave food, sweet food, & lots of it.. that’s what hits the dopamine sweet spot.
While you’re eating it it does anyway.
Then unfortunately for me, I hate..no, DESPISE & disgust myself for the rest of the day because I’ve blown out my caloric intake for the day. It’s not worth the days of pain I put myself through mentally for that one fun size mars bar. Or ten.
But it doesn’t stop me 5hrs later from having more though. Even though that 5hrs had been absolute hell, hyperfocusing on food for the next week or organising what and how I’ll eat. Wasting all that time cause I know I won’t follow the list anyway.
And now – 2hrs after starting this comment, I don’t even think I’m going to post this because it’s too whingey.
Ug, whatever.
I’m not even going to proofread this because I know I’ll edit and change everything and spend another few hours on it. So I apologise for spelling and grammatical errors.
All I want is for my mum to recognise that I *am* different…but I *am* trying.
I don’t feel like she believes adult ADHD is a “thing” โน๏ธ
I love her more than anything and all I’ve wanted my entire life is to make her proud one day. I hope this has been the last diagnosis that I have to learn how to live with, so I can finally get to a point where mum can think to herself what a great daughter she made… and wow – if I ever heard her say it I think I’d cry to the ground โบ๏ธ ๐๐ป ๐
Sorry. All I’ve done here is whinge about my life, and you probably have no idea what it even have to do with your comment. I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you I understand.
I hope you have better luck with people who will accept all aspects of who you now know yourself better to be – ADHD and all! โค๏ธ
Good luck. I hope they found you correct and helpful medication first go, and that understanding yourself more extensively now helps you to become a better you, and succeed further than you ever thought possible!! ๐ก๐๐๐ป
I wish you all the love, health and happiness that you truly deserve. You’ve struggled and now you have a new weapon in your possession – this website to help you understand and continue to better yourself, while also realising you are certainly not alone, and that your behaviours are perfectly normal (for us with ADHD anyway ๐) & so now are able to learn & work on each part of you as you choose.
Do you get the weekly email? I don’t normally subscribe to emails from websites, but the ones from this website are just so perfect. They give you all the new articles, and have themes, a lot of which are helping with organising yourself, your space, your routine, and your lifestyle. It’s all worth the read. (Unfortunately I have many, many unread issues of this subscription- that I promise myself I WILL read – even marking them with a flag in my inbox…but every day, I pass them by because there is yet another task/issue to deal with that I’m hyperfocused on at that moment) gosh, hyperfocus is both a curse AND a gift – it just depends what you’re working on.
I often lose entire days…spent on useless crap that has me achieving NOTHING (of importance) for the day, even though I’ve been flat out, so busy all day, exhausting my mind..all for a result of MINUS.
I really should read more of the articles that inhave saved about prioritising & HOW to do more than one task a day, & how to stay “on track, focused” – rather than “snowed under, hyperfocused.”
Then again there are days that I kick ass and get the week’s worth of to do’s done just before the last hours of the week.
It’s almost like I NEED the drama and the stress to get shit done …even though I can’t STAND being stressed. I’m ALWAYS stressed!
OMG. If I don’t stop typing now I never will. I could type here all day and still not get a coherent enough point across for you.
I’m so sorry, I really do apologise for bombarding you with my old “woe is me” sounding novel.
It’s just comforting knowing I’ll be posting this to a website where someone might understand, and “get it” ..rather than trying to talk myself into believing I’m good enough, or talking to mum about the frustration & shame I feel, & trying to explain how & why, and the facts that go along with it. She doesn’t accept them. She probably thinks I just googled for any info that would support whatever I wanted her to believe.
OMFG STOP TYPING SERENA ๐๐คฆ๐ผโโ๏ธ๐๐ฅ๐ญ๐ ๐ผ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ๐ฅ๐ซโก๏ธโจ๐๐๐ง๐ฌ๐ฆโ๏ธ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฉ๐ฎโ๏ธ๐๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฌโ๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ช๐๐๐๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ซโ๏ธโ๏ธ๐ซ๐ซโ๏ธโ๏ธ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐โ ๏ธ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Bye bye. I surrender.
๐๐ผ๐ณlove to all
Take care
Serena.
I know your post is a year old but, I am just now seeing it!! LOVE it!!! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 48 years old. Never understood what was wrong with me til the diagnosis. You described the reactions from my friends & family when I told them. Thank you for making me feel tgat I wasnโt alone & making me laugh at the same time. Stay strong & stay positive!!!
I totally posted this is the wrong spot, to the wrong person! So I’m going to repost it where it belongs and I apologise for my confusion.
Shalynnwithey
December 31, 2018 at 10:26 am
Serena you are just too funny. You go on and on, I love it! Because I am the exact same way! I am usually told to โstop talkingโ, my step daughter usually says โ Shannon your doing it againโ which I genuinely appreciate, but I just canโt help but to explain every single detail of whatever it is Iโm going on and on about. My brotherโs will ask a question and sayโ the short version pleaseโ. I am a talker, I talk when no one is listening, I talk when Iโm driving alone, I talk in the grocery store alone, when Iโm walking on the street alone, or with my dog. I talk, and I write and I think some much constantly Iโm convinced it burns calories how much my brain goes and goes. I talk in my sleep so much my husband is amazed. Either way I feel like I get it! I donโt ever comment out loud on line. I did one time because this person I felt made an ignorant comment, so I felt the need to educate them. This is a much better reason. I just cried reading your post about your mother, it breaks my heart to know you have felt that pain most your life. And you have to know and believe that your mother is proud of you. She may not understand you at times, or know what to say or how to react. She probably doesnโt know how to express herself to you at time, Iโm not sure, because I do not know you or your mother. But she loves you and I know that you have amazed her at time, you have impressed her, you proved her wrong at times, I promise that. I know this because you are ADHD, so you are uniquely impressive. We all are. We are frustrating and misunderstood a lot of the time, but we have some of the most redeeming qualities of anyone. Thatโs how I know, you and your mother have trouble seeing eye to eye Iโm sure, but that doesnโt mean she isnโt proud to have you as a daughter. I am sending you strength and guidance to figuring out your motherโs communication style. I bet your father would have a bit of insight for you as well. I have thankfully have my mother who is ADHD, and good Lord I know that I am lucky to have that beautiful soul in my corner because she has given me so much strength and guidance that itโs scary to think what my life would be without it. And I want to say another thing before I forget๐ and that is, write a book!, Seriously I think you should. I think that you would also succeed in doing as blog also. Really do both. Also I would like to suggest, because it is helpful to me( not always or even consistently) but saying no to ourselves is difficult, and I know that, but if you can find it in yourself, or even trick yourself in to saying no to instant gratification I have found that even the tiniest bit of traction has the ability to snowball into a great deal of satisfaction. I do it with cleaning and other adulting tasks. I am not really sure how to explain what it is that I do exactly, but Iโm sure that you have some what your own tricks up your sleeve juggling your day to day life. I personally struggle with consistently following through, and I have to be extremely honest and tough with mydelf, but it can and does help. As I write this I am falling asleep because I was up all night working on on my remodel project, and I have a big day today, super short sighted really.I know Iโm better at giving advice than I an at taking it. I just think thatโs what helps me maintain the amount of intense emotional sensitivity I struggle with daily. So get out of your comfort level, connect with like minded people, and feed off that energy and reward you receive from basic human connection. And go be the best version of yourself you could ever possibly be. I am not happy to end this message (which may or not make any sense due too delirium) with the belief that you are going to find your groove and impress the hell out of everyone including yourself.i must get off and moving around but please know that I have only good intentions while writing this and am hopeful that I am able to strike a cord with you in some way, shape, or form. With all the love in my heart, I hope you find peace of mind and satisfaction.
Serena,
Thank you for the ranting honesty of your post. I read these articles to get help for my 10 year old son but, so many things you described hit home to ME! Always feeling different and not able to get-it-together. I am 51 and your response hit home. Thank you. I am ME, a good ME. Love you
Serena… I was diagnosed a month ago aged 46 years and ten months!! I couldnโt have written it better… you have everything to a โtโ and I canโt thank you enough for having taken the time to rant. I applaud you, Iโm not alone in my suffering!!. X
Girllllll I don’t know you but i love you!!! Thank you for this response this is the perfect answer to describe how i feel and act everyday. Somtimes i have a hard time communicating my thoughts so I’m always reading comments to see which is relatable. And this one is the best I’ve ever read from a woman’s point of view. I wish we can meet or if I can meet other people who received their diagnosis at a later age. I feel so embabbrassed sometimes. Plus you would be an excellent blogger.
Thank you for this!!!! You are right on point! I was dx with ADD at age 35 now I’m 45. Can you imagine my life until I was dx! I struggle every minute of my day. No one can relate. All i could do while reading was..yup..yup..yup…yup yup that’s me!!!
That is how I feel many times BUT you can’t just use ADHD as an excuse to go right along. All actions no matter what their cause, have consequences. Yes, even those of us with ADD can do SOMETHING to mitigate the chaos that sometimes follows us around. Get to a psychiatrist AND a behavioral psychologist. There ARE steps you can take to make things easier on both you and your family. My husband has ADHD coupled with borderline bipolar syndrome. He got medication (finally!) to help with the bipolar, but refuses to address the ADHD that is destroying our relationship. I realize what his ADHD means and that he cannot “control” it… but it does not make it easy to bear the constant criticism, defensiveness, irritability, or temper and I cannot continue to be a caretaker of my own husband if he refuses to consider getting help.
There are consequences, no matter the cause.
I’m sorry to post after your comment and make things confusing. I can only assume because I also wanted 2 comment I’m yours as well as Serena’s that is why I did that. I just wanted to say I don’t no what it’s like to not have ADHD and it deal with it from your point of view. I do know that it is extremely frustrating and heartbreaking scene the pain I cause my husband. I also grew up with my younger brother who is bipolar and ADHD that went undiagnosed most of my childhood. And he is scary. He was extremely violent and abusive. So I have no idea whether your husband is anything like my brother, I pray that he’s not. I just think that you have to love him and you have to know that he loves you if you are on this website, researching, trying. And I hope that you know it is not your responsibility to be his caretaker. Take care of yourself first. And you can encourage him to seek help and that’s it, beyond that you have to trust that he will make the right decision. And if he doesn’t, than you need to decide if you are able to maintain happiness within that relationship with him unmedicated. It’s not your sole responsibility to maintain the relationship. You can only maintain your end and meet him in the middle. If he’s not trying to meet you there on his own then you need to take care of yourself and your family. And if he is trying to meet you and he’s not there yet, then he just needs a boost to get him on track. You have the power to make that man do anything you wanted. We tend to lose it when we focus on disappointment. As a woman you have the ability to lift a man to great heights. It’s all in perspective. Now like I said, I do not know the type of man your husband is, I know my brother, and I don’t know that I would encourage anyone to stay and put up with him unmedicated, so only if he’s worthy of your love would I suggest initiating your power. I am not sure if I was helpful, im not sure if I should have even commented so much of my opinion with so little info. I just felt compelled because of my little brother. I apologise if I upset or offend you in any way, that was never my intention. Best of intentions and I send you patience and strength. Best of luck to you
Serena you are just too funny. You go on and on, I love it! Because I am the exact same way! I am usually told to “stop talking”, my step daughter usually says ” Shannon your doing it again” which I genuinely appreciate, but I just can’t help but to explain every single detail of whatever it is I’m going on and on about. My brother’s will ask a question and say” the short version please”. I am a talker, I talk when no one is listening, I talk when I’m driving alone, I talk in the grocery store alone, when I’m walking on the street alone, or with my dog. I talk, and I write and I think some much constantly I’m convinced it burns calories how much my brain goes and goes. I talk in my sleep so much my husband is amazed. Either way I feel like I get it! I don’t ever comment out loud on line. I did one time because this person I felt made an ignorant comment, so I felt the need to educate them. This is a much better reason. I just cried reading your post about your mother, it breaks my heart to know you have felt that pain most your life. And you have to know and believe that your mother is proud of you. She may not understand you at times, or know what to say or how to react. She probably doesn’t know how to express herself to you at time, I’m not sure, because I do not know you or your mother. But she loves you and I know that you have amazed her at time, you have impressed her, you proved her wrong at times, I promise that. I know this because you are ADHD, so you are uniquely impressive. We all are. We are frustrating and misunderstood a lot of the time, but we have some of the most redeeming qualities of anyone. That’s how I know, you and your mother have trouble seeing eye to eye I’m sure, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t proud to have you as a daughter. I am sending you strength and guidance to figuring out your mother’s communication style. I bet your father would have a bit of insight for you as well. I have thankfully have my mother who is ADHD, and good Lord I know that I am lucky to have that beautiful soul in my corner because she has given me so much strength and guidance that it’s scary to think what my life would be without it. And I want to say another thing before I forget๐ and that is, write a book!, Seriously I think you should. I think that you would also succeed in doing as blog also. Really do both. Also I would like to suggest, because it is helpful to me( not always or even consistently) but saying no to ourselves is difficult, and I know that, but if you can find it in yourself, or even trick yourself in to saying no to instant gratification I have found that even the tiniest bit of traction has the ability to snowball into a great deal of satisfaction. I do it with cleaning and other adulting tasks. I am not really sure how to explain what it is that I do exactly, but I’m sure that you have some what your own tricks up your sleeve juggling your day to day life. I personally struggle with consistently following through, and I have to be extremely honest and tough with mydelf, but it can and does help. As I write this I am falling asleep because I was up all night working on on my remodel project, and I have a big day today, super short sighted really.I know I’m better at giving advice than I an at taking it. I just think that’s what helps me maintain the amount of intense emotional sensitivity I struggle with daily. So get out of your comfort level, connect with like minded people, and feed off that energy and reward you receive from basic human connection. And go be the best version of yourself you could ever possibly be. I am not happy to end this message (which may or not make any sense due too delirium) with the belief that you are going to find your groove and impress the hell out of everyone including yourself.i must get off and moving around but please know that I have only good intentions while writing this and am hopeful that I am able to strike a cord with you in some way, shape, or form. With all the love in my heart, I hope you find peace of mind and satisfaction.
Oh my gosh โบ๏ธ …what an angel you are! You’ve totally made my day ๐๐ป thank you SO. MUCH! I’m so grateful & to be honest, really really flattered at how you felt about my comment/response/…rant? (lol)
I’d actually been worried that I may have over-done it and completely shadowed what you were looking for, by making it “all about me” (which was not my intention at all – and I’m glad you recognised that). I think that that most likely might be because we are connected by our ADD, which makes it sooo much easier to understand each other (as opposed to those “normal” people trying to understand us, & vice-versa)
Oh i would TOTALLY love to meet you too! (I’m in Australia, you?) Or like you said – i’d just like to me *anyone* who is like us. I don’t know anyone else who has adhd (besides my dad lol), & I haven’t looked into any support groups as yet..I don’t know if I just haven’t got around to it, or if I feel a bit silly, or embarrassed, or too shy…*sighs* it’s likely to be all 3 actually, mixed in with a huge chuck of shame, in having to even seek out a SUPPORT group – i think in my mind it just screams out to me in huge red neon lights “YOU ARE SO ABNORMAL THAT IT’S COME *THIS*!!!” (Of course, completely blocking out the fact that it’d be so beneficial & joyful)
You’ve inspired me to do it though thanks to your comment. I want to meet someone who “gets me” – just like you seem to have just through our one exchange ๐ What a motivation! Again, THANK YOU โค๏ธ
Hahaha how funny – I was responding to your post hoping to make you feel a tiny bit better if I could..& the whole thing has completely turned around and payed it back to me ๐ it’s true what they say- a little kindness goes a long way. And sometimes it feels better to give than to receive, because seeing that you’ve made someone happy makes you feel happiness yourself! And karma etc.
I feel so lucky! It’s like seeing a shooting star, or finding a 4 leaf clover – doesn’t happen that often hehe ๐
๐ฒ Wow! Do you really think I could do a blog!? I’ve wanted to do so for prob 6-7yrs now (long before my diagnosis), but I’ve never felt like I had anything worthy to write about, that people would be interested in or be able to connect with.
Having your words of encouragement have meant so much to me. I’m feeling a flood of excitement! & thoughts, ideas, and most importantly to me, contentment & comfort:from making a true connection with another human being…just by being understood by another โฎ๏ธ
You’re special and compassionate & I can’t express enough how much of a difference you’ve made to my evening…and who knows..maybe even my future if/when I go ahead & find people to meet in my area, or when I start up a blog of my own (once I work out how to actually do it LOL, aaand once I’ve grown the balls to give it try haha) – I’m absolutely terrified of failing, or looking so stupid & pathetic, OR, or the flip side – if I succeeded at it – feeling like an imposter, as though I don’t deserve the recognition or kind words people express to me about it!
Hahaha – can’t win either way right?! Never satisfied…always chasing more/the next thing/anything else but this moment …(unless I’m hyperfocused, then butt out & let me finish this life-or-death-important task!!)
Uuuughh! Anyway. All things i can work on, right?
It seems I find new things to “work on” every single day lol! More and more added to my “I’ll get there one day” to-do list LOL.
All we can do is keep trying, and find what works for us ๐
Anyway, I want you to know that the sun has just set for the day here now, & I’m entering my evening with a smile on my face thanks to you & your comment, I was feeling an importance and connection while replying back…& now that I’m finishing up I realise that I still have the smile on my face (really) – what a beautiful feeling! Thanks girl! You’re the best โค๏ธ please know how happy & content you’ve made this just one person (probably from the other side of the entire planet, right?) have a smile so big on her face AND in her heart… and that’s a BIG deal. It’s not often this girl feels this kind of special.
So again, thank you! I love you! Take care! And hopefully, talk again soon?!
๐๐ Wishing you lots of love and laughs for your day today,
Serena ๐๐
Hi Serena
Your post is from March and Iโve just seen it.
So wonderful to read your story and comments. Particularly about people / family not Getting it.
After 16 years together I believe my hubby actually does โget itโ and since it clicked with him he has been so validating & supportive.
So much so that, looking at his history, we believe he probably also has ADD / ADHD.
I live in a remote area, also in Australia, and getting diagnosed here is impossible. Hopefully if I travel the length of Oz to see my previous doc in Brisbane I can get this happening.
I am 68yo and my life finally makes โsenseโ ๐๐ฆ
Anyone in Australia or elsewhere in this or similar position Iโm eager to talk.
Love and good wishes to all. Mary.