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The Secret to My Success with ADD? A Support Network of One

It takes a special kind of person to be able to put up with someone like me day in and day out. My wife is that person.

5 Comments: The Secret to My Success with ADD? A Support Network of One

  1. You are very fortunate. I was married for 18 years to someone who I could depend on, confide in and I felt supported in many ways. He was very frustrated by my inability to marry up my talents with doing anything about them. This was before either of us knew about ADHD and it was only after he left me for an accomplished, creative, productive woman that I was diagnosed.They did not last, but his next and current partner is a therapist and she diagnosed him with high functioning Aspergers. AS soon as he told me this, it all fell into place. I have to chuckle now and give us both credit for doing as well as we did for as long as we did, for what a bizarre and unlikely combination that was.Having said that, our marriage counselor did say that he was attracted to my emotional personality, my warmth and empathy and I was attracted to his detached and clearer take on reality.

    AS for telling others about my ADD… it hasn’t gone especially well. Even those who think they ‘get it’, really don’t. One of them has offered and inserted himself at times, to help with the chaos in my house, but his methods are alarming and hurtful. Every conversstion or meeting we have dissolves into a chiding session about all the things I’m bad at.His tough love approach only serves to make me feel like a total loser. His harsh remarks hurt, demean, degrade and fill me with shame. I’ve tried to fight back, but he responds that I am just making excuses. IN truth, I should probably end our friendship, but if I do I will have no one looking out for me, no matter how hurtfully. I just avoid conversations that can deteriorate into a rant about my lifestyle.

    I have encouraged them to look at the info and links I give them so that they are better, properly informed, but much to my surprise, none of them have followed through. It is hurtful to have people who presume to know and care about you, not want to know from an expert point of view, what it is you’re dealing with, much less how they can better help. Glossy mag or newspaper articles do not tell the story. Reading one does not make them ‘informed’, but they think they’ve done their duty.

    As a single, low income 67 year old woman, I find I have pulled inward more and more. The clutter and chaos I live in continues to be a burden, but the motivation to deal with it has lessened, because the desire to have people in has all but disappeared. It’s easier to stay home than it is to try to engage and go through the motions of getting to know new people, when I know they can’t really get to know me because the real me is a secret.

    I’m glad that you have such an excellent partner and you sound as though you fully appreciate what she is, does and means to you. She must also get back things from you that make her happy and fulfilled… don’t forget that. Hang on tight… you are very fortunate!

    Jeez… As I reread this checking for spelling errors, I can’t help but note how depressed I sound. Bit of an eyeopener!

  2. I normally do not reply to “lovey dovey” stuff like this but as someone with ADHD as well I am glad the poster found someone to accept them for who they truly are and not pretending to be and with unconditional love. It is true most people you meet, in my experience anyways, are not worth remembering but when you find that one person, like a needle in a haystack – never let them go. I hope I find this person in my life. I actually think I have found this person but he and I cannot be together and it nags at me and he is always in the back of my mind. It’s a long story.

  3. Lovely. Finding a support network who gets me has been extremely difficult. A lot of people in my life either don’t believe ADHD is a real thing, or don’t believe I have it.

    1. Exactly what I was thinking. I’m glad you have an amazing wife and support group, but you are beyond lucky.

      My wife HATES me and is trying to take my daughter away from me. I have no friends, and I just lost my job.

      My ADD has caused me more grief than I can ever put into words.

  4. What a wonderful, sweet tribute to your wife and to all those who support us!
    You said it beautifully!

    Expressing gratitude is a strong “elixir” for discouragement (that we all feel at times).

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