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How to Set Boundaries with Family: A Joy-Preserving Guide

Setting boundaries with relatives who are committed to misunderstanding your child’s ADHD is necessary to protect your family — and your joy. Here, find scripts for setting limits, ideas for approaching family get-togethers, and what to do if relatives cross your boundaries.

1 Comment: How to Set Boundaries with Family: A Joy-Preserving Guide

  1. I was hoping this would tell me how to set boundaries with relatives who are committed to misunderstanding ME. I do suspect that my 5-year-old daughter has ADHD as well, so this IS useful information, but it is different when you’re an adult and your entire history with your family has been built on them judging you without knowing all (or any) of the pertinent facts.
    I am the youngest of 6, and there is a 13-year age gap between myself and the next youngest. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until about a year ago (I’m 44), so my siblings have had 4 decades to decide that I was spoiled, lazy, moody, emotionally immature, selfish, self-centered…you get the picture. That version of me couldn’t be further from who I actually am. Now that I know, am medicated, and working with coaches and therapists, I have been trying to correct their assumptions about me, to no avail. I can’t educate them on something that they won’t even acknowledge I have. This had led to completely cutting off contact with 2 of them, barely speaking to 2 others, and feeling abandoned by the 1 I thought would be in my corner. Holidays are lonely, and none of this is fair to my daughter – she should feel wanted and loved by her aunts and uncles. I’m not sure where to even begin to mend fences, and the heartbroken child in me says that it should be their responsibility to do the mending, not me, because I am the one who was wrongfully judged.
    I know I am not the only adult in a situation like this. It would be nice to know how to preserve my joy (or at least find some) during this time of year.

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