Shame: The Devil on My Shoulder

3 Comments: Shame: The Devil on My Shoulder

1. This is so eye-opening. I’ve been reading about RSD for hours, now.
   I’ve been actively raised to be a people-pleaser by my histrionic mom, and I honestly thought that was why I always walk on egg shells for everything and everyone except for myself.

   I’ve been bullied as a kid, and I thought that’s why I’m so sensitive, that I can’t stand feedback and that I automatically feel like a failure or a good-for-nothing whenever someone tries to help you (they don’t usually tell you what it is you do well).

   At internship, I’m always looking for support in positive feedback; to me it’s the red thread, the things I can do ‘right’. To others, that is, because I have no idea if I’m good at something, or do something well. I only have a sense of that through feedback, and I don’t trust my own cognition.

   I don’t trust the things I’m convinced of; of my opinion, my knowledge and experience. Other people decide what’s my frame of reference, and it’s constantly changing. Luckily this is something I noticed a couple of years ago, and I’m actively working on making my own rules, convictions and should&shouldn’ts of life. To have those things be my red thread to follow.

   With my boyfriend, I’m a disaster. Often it feels like he has no interest, no trust, no understanding and no patience for me; when he has it all. He has a way of helping me; showing what he would do. That resulted in me just feeling obligated doing whatever he does.

   I always feel very down when he tries to tell me how I could do something. I feel like my ways are always wrong; like I’m always wrong. I’ve had episodes the past few years, thinking I didn’t know anything at all! I dimissed all that I knew and all I ever used to lean on, cause ‘what do I know?’ but the real question should be: ‘what does the other know?’ I was very pigheaded as a kid and I’m determined to be like that again. I want to believe in myself; regardless of what I think of myself and I no longer want to doubt myself. I want to feel calm when giving or receiving feedback and I want to be able to tell someone when something bothers me. I don’t like to. I always thought ‘what is it I could have to say about somebody else?’ I easily think I could be a hypocrite, and I’m always occupied with that when I say something about myself or another person.

   Anyways, I’m fighting to beat this! Thank you for this article, it helps me and others gaining insights about ourselves and the practical side of communication.

2. lcrum68, me too. It’s one of those Ah-HAhhh!! moments, that explains (well, not every thing) but so many things!

   Gonna have to chew on this one for a long time.

3. I cried when I read this article. Totally me to a T! However, I’ve never been diagnosed with RSD, but pretty sure I have it and my daughter definitely has it. I’ve been on and off antidepressants most of my adult life and recently started taking anti-anxiety meds. Now I need to figure out what to do about it. Thanks for the article, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.