“Everything I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago”

25 Comments: “Everything I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago”

1. Thanks so much for the promotional opportunity! I listened in to the summit speakers last year as well and discovered so many great resources! Our greatest family struggle at this time is getting to an age where the general public has become less forgiving of my son’s difficulty with impulse control. As a younger aged boy, the false public perception that ‘he’ll grow out of it’s or ‘boys will be boys’, actually influenced some people to be less judgemental. Now, as a 6th grader, he is surrounded by adults and peers who have no patience or compassion for his constant speaking out of turn, etc. Their expectations for how he ‘should behave’ has changed. Sadly, this has led him to new struggles with low self-esteem, self-consciousness, and frustration.

2. I am tired of hearing, “I’m concerned for you” with no follow-up action. I am tired of hearing, “have you looked for other care solutions?” and “he just keeps doing the same thing, he won’t listen.” What I would like to say is, if he was properly supervised, we wouldn’t be having these conversations. But there is always an excuse. We are short staffed. Our staff doesn’t have the training. It’s not rocket science. Supervise him, pay attention to him and redirect him.

3. My biggest struggle is getting the family on board with the different ways of parenting my son. I was resistant to the ADHD diagnosis myself, but once it was official I have spent hours everyday looking for ways to better understand, relate to and facilitate my son having a better relationship with himself and our family. I feel like I am up against a brick wall some days. My husband and his family seem to be the hardest ones to gain help and understanding from. What more can I do than what I have done? I send them articles, webinars, links, websites anything I can think of and find, I discuss all the things I send to them and yet I feel as if I am getting no where. How do I help them understand and get them on the same page? I feel alone in the day to day struggles.

   1. Hi @bhaslow!

      You’re the WINNER! You’ve won an Empowerment Pass for the Parenting ADHD Summit. I’m emailing you access now.

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

4. Hello,
   I have fought for years to get my son the help he needs, and this year (he is now 10), we finally have a piece of the answer with more information coming. He was diagnosed with ADHD, and the more I learn the more I realize that he is truly a mini-me not just in looks but behavior too. Due to this and all of his struggles, trying to figure out how to best help him and myself would be greatly appreciated! The toughest struggle recently has been his angry explosions. He is a completely different child when it happens, and once calm, he is now using lots of negative self-talk, even though I try to help him see that it was just an accident, that we are getting help (which we have had to wait 3 months just to get in to get more help than just meds through his pediatrician). Getting the pass would mean the difference between somewhat getting it and rocking at putting to use this new information that we need so desperately! Money is tight with all these doctor’s appointments and medications on a Dr appt insurance that isn’t helpful… Sigh! Thanks for offering this!

   1. *crappy insurance* not Dr appt insurance. Auto-correct is not my friend!

5. Three of my four children walk through a neuro-atypical world. All are effected in different ways. What I struggle most with is making decisions for them as individuals. My oldest child went off to college and just decided that “I ruined his potential by drugging him…” because his new enlightened college self heard a professor from Toronto berating parents for using medical interventions with ADHD. My second child is a junior in high school and struggles with teachers considering him smart and lazy. My younger daughter is going into fourth grade and she struggles most with details and finishing tasks in timely fashion. I really love this site and its resources and continue to learn and accept my decisions on their behalf and hope for the best because I know I have paid attention and tried to make informed decisions for them along the way. This really has been the best support so far in our journey.

6. I love all the different aspects ADDitude magazine showcases in the articles to help us all through our journeys. Although, I feel overwhelmed with the ALL the advice, even as informative and helpful that it is meant to be. I feel I have lost so much time trying to figure out how to parent my ADHD’er’s, by reading all the time, and trying to implement what I’ve learned. I just don’t feel like, I like how I’ve managed them, or myself through the last ten years of parenting. My oldest is going into tenth grade, and he doesn’t like, or accept his ADHD, therefore, I don’t feel he’s getting prepared for the real world, like I have read that he should be. There is so much out there to learn about how to parent for ADHD with not enough time to teach the children before they have grown.

7. Showers! Self care! Help!

8. I would love to win the Empowerment Pass. Every day is a struggle with my son and I wish I had more tools in my toolbelt. I get down on myself constantly due to not feeling as though I handle things properly to better help him.

   I am hoping the Summit would help build my tool kit and I can help him in a positive manner.

   *Maybe I will get lucky since you are doing the drawing on his birthday 🙂

9. Our biggest struggle right now is teaching our son when his speech is disrespectful – especially when delivered to coaches, teachers, and other adults besides his dad and I. We have grown accustomed to responding gently when we realize that his speech is not intentionally disrespectful, but rather a reactionary comment born of frustration. But it’s a hard lesson to teach when he’s in a group learning environment.

10. The hardest part I struggle with continually replying to family and friends who makes various comments as to “he needs to learn how to…”, “…right now…”, and “why can’t he just…”, or “he’s playing you…”.
    I’m tired of repeating that it is a neurotypical issue and he will learn to regulate his emotions more, that positive parenting and nurturing works. That I am still able to be the parent in all of this.
    I am the parent that keeps in close touch with the school and teachers and have shown them things because they do not teach the general ed teachers about this. I am the parent that had to report the school for violating the law in regards to secluding my child.
    I am in a constant state of challenge for the success of my child in school, daycare, socially, and emotionally. While taking care of my other children and being there for them. This has taken a toll on my self-care, a single parent with ADHD as well who also has to keep a job, while on FMLA in order to meet the needs of my child, and still putting in an average of 90 hrs of work every other week.
    I honestly would love the Summer Empowerment Pass, but I also know there are others out there that need it more than I do. I just try to stay on top of everything and read as much as I can to be the best parent I can to all of my children, which I know are like me…

11. Thanks so much for hosting the Pareting ADHD Summit, looking forward to several of the presentations.
    Our biggest struggle now is what we see as defiance when asked to do a task or given instructions.

    1. Unfortunately, there is a lack of quality information about ADHD to counter the stigma in society. The empowerment pass would not only help empower me and my 3 ADHD children but also help me to share valuable ADHD knowledge and hope with other parents I meet.

       For me the most challenging part of being a parent of ADHD kids is how to instill and keep alive my children’s view of their unique abilities and potential when they get such strong messages from the outside.

12. I have ADHD and i constantly struggle with being consistent with my two kids, who both also have ADHD. Some days I can do it, and some days I’m just too exhausted to follow through. I have trouble taking care of myself and also doing what I need to do for my kids. Help?

13. I don’t even know how to rank “what I struggle with most.” I’ve got an almost 17-yr-old who just graduated high school and will enter collegein the fall. Whenever he gets PARTICULARLY stressed, he lashes out at me. I’m the source of ALL of his angst, make him hate himself, his friends, life… He knows he has ADHD, but doesn’t want to treat it w/meds OR lifestyle changes… I also have ADHD, as does my younger son (adopted, but SO MUCH LIKE US, even pre-“nurture”), who will be 9 at end of summer. Clearly, nothing I did, attempting to help eldest, “worked.” Now I hope & pray he “figures things out for himself” before he succumbs to “self-medication”–or worse. And I hope/pray I “do better by” my younger son. Sigh.

14. Our biggest struggle right now is that we are constantly fighting against the learning curve for ADHD. The condition is SO multidimensional, and our son is also very bright that it is hard to find the right strategies at the right times and we are often overwhelmed.

15. We are brand new in the ADHD world so I have so much to learn, but I am especially interested in learning how to handle the emotional meltdowns effectively and learn to be a better parent.

16. My son just completed his first year of high school. He started out strong but things changed second semester and he’s struggling just to pass. With high school, new problems have come up. He is depressed and anxious. My biggest struggle is helping him while also letting him take responsibility for himself. Also, how does puberty affect kids with ADHD?

    Shannon

17. I struggle communicating to others that his brain works differently than others. ADHD isn’t what most people think it is.

    I’m interested to see the video game segment!

18. My biggest struggle right now is his melt downs when he isn’t getting what he wants. I really need help to guide him through that and also to help him better understand what is expected of him.

19. Our biggest issue lately has been the frustration on his part, and then ours, when we battle over the tasks he doesn’t want to do. I’d love to win the empowerment pass so I can refer back to the lessons in the months to come…

20. Hi Penny,
    I just read your review on Vayarin, where you mentioned it is a homeopathic supplement. Maybe I’m missing something but I’m not seeing anywhere on websites for Vayarin where it is referred to as homeopathic. Could you please clarify?
    Thanks!

    1. I don’t see where I called it homeopathic. My review on this website says,
       “My son takes Vayarin and I finally see some positive benefits after trying a dozen different omegas over the years. Vayarin is called a Medical Food Drug, I think. You need a prescription, but it’s not a pharmaceutical. I asked my local pharmacy to order and stock it and had no problem getting it for my son.”

       It’s not a pharmaceutical but it does require a prescription. It’s not homeopathic.

       I do see where ADDitude Editors classified it as Homeopathic on the reviews — that wasn’t my decision.

       Penny
       ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

21. Hi, I would love to get the empowerment pass. Here in India access to ADHD resources is comparatively difficult than in countries like the US. Something like this pass would be a step in changing this imbalance – it will give me the insight of so many experts in the field – who I would never have access to other wise.

    One of the biggest challenges I face with my teen is how to motivate her to do even routine things.