Oppositional Behavior
Return to "My Son Can't Help It — So I Don't Punish Him"

"My Son Can't Help It — So I Don't Punish Him"

He shouts, he swears, he calls me names — but I know it's his ADHD talking. That's why, when my child misbehaves, I work hard to ignore it and remember that sometimes punishments for kids with ADHD are counterproductive.

4 Comments: "My Son Can't Help It — So I Don't Punish Him"

  1. Yes, he can help it. He just refuses to. Let me explain. Most people with ADHD Are really stupid. Some can be incredibly intelligent, but most are not. But no matter how smart they are, they all have the same ability to control themselves. I am one of the intelligent ones with ADHD. I have an amazing ability to recognize patterns in my own brain so I know how the ADHD brain works. Everyone with ADHD absolutely can control themselves and their outburts. The only problem is that people with ADHD will not do something unless they see a reason for it that directly benefits them. That is where their intelligence comes in. If a kid is stupid, they will throw a fit. If they are intelligent, they will skip the bullshit fight and just start working on a solution. A kid is 100% capable of this and they will do it if they are self-aware enough to recognize the patterns in their own brain. Most people cannot do this whether they have ADHD or not. You cannot force a kid to realize that though, they will realize it on their own if they are smart and some will never realize that they need to control themselves. It’s just the kind of thing someone needs to realize about themselves that no amount of telling them will gove them the message. If they don’t directly see a reason to control their outbursts (aka aren’t smart enough to) they won’t. If they’re smart enough to see a reason, they will. Oppositionality is NOT a symptom, it is a behavior issue that must be controlled. ADHD is not an excuse for it. My parents didn’t tolerate it in me and a mixture of that and me being smart enough to hold my temper made me he good citizen I am today.

  2. As far as not showing any consequences for a child who breaks many rules at school and bullies and hurts other children, what is the guidance for them in this as well as school policy? Can you suspend the students etc..

  3. I agree with this. I get lots of push back from other adults, but it really works. Also goes along the lines of the “red line vs. blue line” idea over at Aspergers Experts. I think for us the trick of it is getting my son’s mind off winning the battle and back into a non-defensive state of calmly taking care of business. He can’t see past the punishment while he is hyperfocused on defending himself against a perceived threat. Thank you for writing this.

Leave a Reply