Parenting Done Right: How Praise Can Help Your Child Thrive
If your child struggles with tough ADHD symptoms, it's likely she already knows the things she can't do well. Help her build confidence and self-esteem by using well-timed (and well-meant) praise to emphasize her strong points — rather than her weaknesses.
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3 Comments: Parenting Done Right: How Praise Can Help Your Child Thrive
I would highly recommend NOT to make endless focus on “strengths” / and or light acknowledgement for “weaknesses “ the emphasis on either end is already problematic.
There is to much focus on outcome specific endorsement. This is too linear and black and white no one ever got from A-Z in one straight line and the pressure alone to conform and infinitely reach to “successful” outcomes can be debilitating.
The key is “praise the process” no-one hardly sets out to fail purposefully, and or not do a decent job to feel good enough at something. If we are only driven to receive reward for successful or strength based outcomes we are conditioned to disregard the magic of the journey.
However, if how to get there is praised, the effort is praised, we incentivise a “you can do it” growth mindset or “your efforts” also count. If we focus on final outcome modalities it becomes about the finished outcome, we don’t learn what’s finished we learn during the process which is often and most ignored all anticipating the outcome.
Of course certain outcomes must be met in certain situations, but if the process is endorsed and new ways to get there the outcome is a bonus regardless of deemed “successful” or “not successful” “strength” or “weakness” .
Yes it’s good jump away from critical dissecting of someone’s perceived “flaws” and encourage what’s flows naturally. But we must not condition fertile minds to prone to “good outcomes” and “strengths” are only commendable. There is more process in place that lasts longer than the finishing touches.
Joy in the journey, and the outcome is a bonus.
PS there is no “parenting done right” if that Manual / paradigm exists, we’d never need to wonder.
What ever your efforts with your loved one, or someone you know, gove your self credit for doing what you can, and enjoy it unfolds differently for everyone.
You’re doing great, and excited to see what your path unfolds. Let us know during the trip and when you get there.
I’ve been reading books and dozens of articles each week on ADHD since my son was diagnosed a few months ago, and this is the most encouraging one I’ve read yet. Thank you—I’m bookmarking this and sharing it with my son’s entire care team and our family and friends.
I’m trying not to cry at how much hope these stories have given me. Seriously, thank you.
I was iagnosed inattentive aged 31. My main complaint was ‘I could wake up tomorrow and be 17 again, and it wouldn’t be so different – I’ve accomplished nothing to signify the years. I’ve done nothing…’
It was a big red flag to my doctor.
As of last month, though… I’ve done something that ‘came off’, that I didn’t fail or didn’t fall over itself at the last hurdle. I did something. LONG TERM. I followed through.
I raised a child to adulthood. A GOOD child. Who turned out exactly as I theorised he would. When he was born, I was 17 and I raised him trying beyond my years, my experience and my training, to raise him the way I felt children should be raised. (Respected, autonomous, equal, and with empathy and understanding…)
And I did it! He turned 18 this past July and he’s amazing! He looks at me and cannot fathom the concept of ‘rebellion’. He doesn’t see the point. He is intelligent and in gifted classes (with the same diagnosis as me). He tells us outright he respects us as parents, and considers himself lucky to have us having seen what his friends and most other family dynamics look like.
He doesn’t swear at us, lash out at us, or disrespect us. He obeys the rules he has which always come with explanation (I swore never to say ‘because I said so’ – or for it to be the reason, always have a reason for my decisions as a parent and always offer them).
I’m blowing my own trumpet here but this parenting thing, I think I did it!!
Its the only thing thats ever come to fruition for me. That I’ve researched, planned, executed AND succeeded in. I have teenagers who don’t scare me! Nothing like me (and they laugh at what I was like for it seems so ridiculous to them). I have good people, to offer the worlds future. Caring, considerate, inclusive, empathic, intelligent and well rounded children. Adult, now, for one.
So, I just had to say, YAY. WE can raise amazing humans 😉