“Ghosting Is Rude — and Difficult for Adults with ADHD to Comprehend”
“Ghosting sets off our rejection sensitive dysphoria. It makes us feel confused, disposable, guilty, and misunderstood. We start to trust new people less, which narrows our social circles and the experiences they could bring.”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
2 Comments: “Ghosting Is Rude — and Difficult for Adults with ADHD to Comprehend”
I have to agree with UnkleGinger’s comment that I don’t think this was really ghosting. What I do think happened is that your neighbor’s boyfriend didn’t like you reaching out to his girlfriend and he put a stop to it. That’s why he asked that you speak to him. I ran into the same problem with my husband and a now good friend to both of us. In the beginning, the friend, a guy who has ADHD, called and texted only me questions. He was very bubbly, a little too much too soon but very nice and we texted back and forth and became business/work friends. My husband was not happy but I asked the guy to include my husband in the text threads. They soon developed a good friendship. You will feel better if you go to him and clear the air. Be upfront with your ADHD and “too much too soon”. It will fill in the puzzle as it did for us. And if they are not familiar with body doubling and you actually used the term body doubling he may have been freaked out by it. Just sayin’ ;>)
I really feel that the example in this article falls short because being redirected is nothing like being Ghosted. The example provided is illustrates rejection. There was an unsolicited offer for discourse regarding the misunderstanding, (had the new and hurt neighbour wanted to go that route). Ghosting is psychologically harmful because it’s like free-falling into a black hole of NOTHING. Its not a curt response, or a tepid, weak, or short one. It’s literally NOTHING. The loudest nothing you’ve ever heard. No clues. No information, good or bad. NOTHING. And there is no way for you to even ask for that explanation. That’s what you are left with when you are Ghosted. No explanation. No hints. No redirect, no “please stop calling” Ghosting is when you erase any power the person has in the situation and you totally control the outcome. I’m not even sure if the term Ghosting can apply to someone you haven’t established any sort of relationship with, so I think this article may not be well researched or understanding of the phenomenon. The reason ppl suffer so much with Ghosting is because they are silenced, like a hand over the mouth… for infinity. This new neighbour, had she felt tortured over this, could have reached out later with some apology cookies and a note once she worked up the courage to get to the bottom of the situation. She could have contacted the person who sent the last text and attempted to sort it out. When someone Ghosts you they understand there is no opportunity for redress, which is why ppl choose it. They are lazy cowards. The ppl who live next door know very well, that you can knock on their door any time. This distinction is important because it is the utter finality, of the never ending silence that can put someone into a very dark place when Ghosted. All the person is left with, is the option to ruminate the myriad possibilities of what they did wrong. The person who ghosted you has to make sure you can never make contact again.. because avoiders do not like shame. If they could cope with uncomfortable feelings they wouldn’t have to choose Ghosting you.