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“Choosing a Partner When ‘Dependable’ Seems Dull”

I’ve jumped back into the dating scene, after a divorce and a long break. But how do I pick an appropriate mate when I thrive on the thrill of different, erratic, and unpredictable?

1 Comment: “Choosing a Partner When ‘Dependable’ Seems Dull”

  1. Boy do I understand where you’re coming from. Today I was thinking about a very nice, good looking boyfriend I had in high school, and how after a year I was totally bored. It didn’t take me long to realize I was attracted to the “bad” boys. They weren’t always dependable, but they were fun, funny, exciting. It could be an emotional roller coaster, but when it was it was good, it was fantastic.

    I’m on my third marriage now, and it’s been 30 years. Right from the beginning he made me laugh, and he loved to travel, and he was smart, and he had done so many things with his life. I was 33 and he was 28. I loved how ambitious he was, and it seemed like we were always moving because he had a new job. At that time of my life, I was happy to move. We’d be somewhere for a year or two, and then he’d tell me had another job opportunity, so off we’d go on our next “adventure.”

    To be honest, it’s been like that for a good portion of our marriage until I finally reached a point where I wanted to settle down and stay in one place. Switch jobs if you want, but I’m done moving. That’s what we’ve done for the past 15 years. However, we still have adventures, and we still crack each other up. Not only that, right from the beginning he was reliable. I never had to wonder where he was, and if he was running late, he called me. He has always been thoughtful, kind and generous, but never dull. I’m sure I’ve made him crazy at times, dealing with my ADHD. I lose track of time, forget things, lose things, etc. He was the one who encouraged me to get help. I didn’t even realize there was anything wrong with me because it runs in my family, so seemed “normal.”

    I guess what I’m saying is you don’t have to put up with bad manners or the feeling that you might not be all that important in order to be with someone who makes you happy. I think your aunt makes a good point; the sales pitch means nothing after awhile. Date him if you want, but keep looking.

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