"FYI: You Are the Perfect Parent for Your Child"

4 Comments: "FYI: You Are the Perfect Parent for Your Child"

1. I loved this article. My kid has ODD and he is 6 years old. The main problematic behavior is impulse control where he enjoys teasing to get a reaction from others or kicks and hits if he hears a simple no. At school he is doing a great job so far at not causing any trouble inside the classroom. It makes sense, because it’s in the unstructured activities that he struggles the most, like recess. He started having aggressive behaviors when he was one year old. Of course we dismissed as a natural development of his social skills. When he was 2 going to three, almost every time I would pick him up at daycare, his teachers had always an incident report for me to sign (those blue papers, Ugh) and once he put his hands around the neck of another classmate and they started to say that it was overwhelming for them to have my kid in the classroom because other parents were already complaining and they had to be super vigilant when he was around. I had the exact same thought as you, Cristina. For 4 long years I would ask myself why us, why could I not have a child who would be nice and gentle to others and of course, have only occasionally meltdowns.I had long conversations with my husband saying that we needed help and our kid needed help too. It was hard to convince him: “when I was his age we, boys, always would do that with each other and it’s fine. He will grow out of it”. He did’t and we managed to see a counselor in which we did parent-child therapy. She helped Gabriel by helping us to see how extraordinary he was. How smart. How funny (that part we had already noticed) and even kind (veeery occasionally). She also taught us that there is always an inside story happening before the behavior. The behavior we can see. The inside story we have to slowly figure out because he doesn’t have the emotional ability to tell us what it is bothering him most of the times. I used to look at these kids playing in the playground and misbehaving so intensely that it was easy to think: “Yeah. This is bad parenting. What the kid needs is punishment and the parents are letting him get away with the bad behavior. When I have my kids I will never let them behave like this”. And then, I had my kid. And he taught me so much. I (and my husband) became more compassionate, generous and kind not only with him but also to other parents around. When I let him play in the playground after school I come up exhausted because I have to monitor him or he will be pushing, throwing wood chips or hitting some kid. I also have a lot of parents, with their kid side to side confronting me that my kid hurt their child. I recognize so well that look of judgment. But now, I learned how to handle Gabriel and how he should be raised and I do come out of this stronger as mum… but so much more exhausted :). The article that you wrote is so helpful because it’s a reassurance that I’m not alone.

2. Exactly what I needed to hear just when I needed to hear it.
   Yeah, there are both sides…medicated and non. I was raised with the non…and now I have the beautiful gift of meds and behavioral skills, both of which I carefully research and weigh the pros and cons as a health professional– and as a mom. So I consider it a blessing that I can now offer the gift of nutrition, certain meds and behavioral therapy to my child. I will do everything in my power to not have her struggle in futility
   with life’s challenges the way I did.

   That being said, I now realize that had I gotten the “perfect child” I think I would be horrendously bored! She is my
   challenge and my greatest blessing. In this way she is completely perfect.

3. Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing it with the world. 😊

4. The only thing that I don’t read in this is for the parents who choose not to medicate and all of the sleep they also lose over trying to research, find what works and be guilted by those who believe one is denying their child the medical care they require.

   I’m not pro/anti meds or natural route. I’m about what works for the child and the family.

   But I wish that articles like this represented BOTH sides, b/c each isn’t any easier…