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“Love-and Adderall – Rediscovered”

While the boyfriend expounded the use of ADHD drugs as a skinny fix for his patients, I hid my refill of Adderall, and kept my mouth shut. Breaking the news about the diagnosis would have to wait.

This is bliss. I am in love, and it has been ages since I had someone I actually looked forward to being with. Cupid is kind.

We are at the end of month three with Mr. Sensitive, and it’s great. For the first time in my life I can’t complain. (OK, he’s obsessed with baseball, and he wants to take things slow. It took him two months to mention my name to his mother, and to the rest of his family I am non-existent. But, as the father says, as long as I am having fun, that’s all that matters. I mean at the end of the day you can’t care too much, right?)

Mr. Sensitive is an M.D. and knows all about drugs. He’s an anesthesiologist, and, he adds with a laugh, a “drug pusher.” He sometimes talks about his patients in a very generic way, and he has a particular gripe about the “spazes,” the people who can only function pseudo-normally with doses of Clonazepam.

We were flipping through a celeb glossy the other day as we waited for a takeout order, and there was a short piece about Lindsay Lohan. Does she have an eating disorder or is it the attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) drug Adderall? Adderall, the secret method of getting skinny to the stars. Mr. Sensitive started going into the details of Adderall-how it’s a stimulant, how it suppresses appetite, how it is abused by people, even if they have not been diagnosed with ADHD, who want to shed pounds quickly. “It’s basically speed,” he said to me.

I feel like someone who is now keeping a dark secret. The other day I got a refill of the Adderall, and I’m once again on the medication and feeling oddly productive. Sure I am spending all of my time with Mr. Sensitive, lying in bed, laughing and enjoying the grand view of one of the ritziest neighborhoods in Gotham from the “penthouse.” I feel lucky; everything is going smoothly.

As I write, Mr. Sensitive is sleeping, but I wish I could be myself fully and tell him about “my drugs,” the Adderall, and the long and painful search for answers to my disorganized angst, to the checkerboard resume: 12 jobs in just as many years. Last night he mentioned a few of the things he liked about me. “You’re not crazy and you’re different, I’ve never met anyone like you before,” he says.

“How?” I asked.

“You have this way with words, you say these things and it makes me laugh,” he says.

He says I am sweet, too, and kind. I want to tell him that these are common traits among adults with ADHD, but I stop there. I lie in the darkness and in the silence, and keep my mouth shut.

“Thank you,” is all I say, and it is all that I can reveal for now.

3 Comments & Reviews

  1. Adderall is a combination of two stimulant drugs, amphetamine and dextroamphetamine. Adderall XR is an extended-release form of the drug. Doctors also prescribe Adderall (but not Adderall XR) to treat narcolepsy. Adderall may help people with ADHD control their activities and increase their attention spans. The drug may also prevent symptoms of narcolepsy, which include excessive sleepiness and sudden attacks of daytime sleepiness. You can also refer to this article which states all the necessary details about activated adderall

    1. JaneWoods I hope you research a little further as your statement that Adderall XR is not used to treat narcolepsy is not accurate.For patients who are nonresponders to modafinil/armodafinil or SXB and who have been using amphetamines for their EDS, switching to extended-release formulations provide longer duration of action and help alleviate concerns about recreational abuse. MES-amphetamine extended release (Adderall XR) combines the neutral salts of dextroamphetamine and amphetamine and uses drug-containing beads for a double-pulsed delivery of amphetamines resulting in longer duration of action. This makes it suitable for administration at home with parental supervision and relieves the adolescent patient of the need to take additional medication outside of the home. Another once-daily amphetamine medication is the d-amphetamine prodrug lisdexamfetamine dimesylate (LDX; Vyvanse, Shire Pharmaceuticals, Dublin, Republic of Ireland). Common side effects are reduced appetite and insomnia. Children and adolescents taking LDX may have lower gains in weight, height, and BMI. source-

  2. Jane D, I would first and foremost like to respond to the assertion that was made by a medical doctor claiming to treat and prescribe his “female patients Adderall as a weight-loss treatment” To me as a professional in the mental healthcare industry that is appalling and highly unethical and enough for a mark against his license. His specialty is one of providing patients comfort during surgical procedures and making sure they stay under during those procedures and some doctors in his field go on to become pain management specialist as well or primarily. I have worked in practices where doctors have created real turmoil and havoc when using medications off label and treating conditions that they are not specialized in treating. Adderall is simply a brand name of the dextro-amphetamine salt combo mixture used to treat Attention Deficit Disorder incorrectly sometimes termed ADHD. We have an official diagnoses of ADD hyperactive type and ADD inattentive type but not Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder as that was removed from the current DSM-V manual some years ago.

    **Now my advice to you is that as a physician he is most likely aware that you are taking the medication and I hate to be gross about it but most of us can smell the amphetamines being discharged from the patients body in the form of sweat and oil and he absolutely can see the re-activeness of your pupils and as a trained medical practitioner I ASSURE you he KNOWS. You are keeping something from him that as your post indicates he seems to have a negative opinion of already. This is another red flag for me as most Medical Doctors are not going to refer to ADD medications (stimulants) as “speed”.

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