Like Son, Like Mother?
No need to wonder where my teen son’s attention deficit came from. This apple fell from my tree.
“He definitely has attention issues, but he doesn’t have ADHD.” This is what the social worker told me after evaluating Enzo’s questionnaires, filled out by myself, himself, his dad, and two teachers (one of whom gave him the label of “high priest in the church of no homework,” whose class he barely passed).
After all, said the clinical expert, he’s well-socialized, he can sit still (sometimes for hours on end), and has a good opinion of himself. Of the five matrices that determine ADHD, he scored normal in four of them – but was way off the charts with attention issues. That was after the first report card of ninth grade, where in two years his 4.0 had dropped under a 3.0.
When his first report card of tenth grade appeared, Enzo’s GPA had slipped considerably below a 2.0. Now we were desperate for some sort of help, or even just some insight, or a referral to another idea.
I went back to Kaiser and stormed the castle. “So, what do we do about attention issues, for goodness sake? How can I help my child?” The guy gave Enzo one more test, this one on a computer — why they didn’t just do that in the first place, I don’t know — and voilà: a full-blown case of ADD-PI. All of a sudden, the gates of support opened wide.
Within a few weeks, we were in the embrace of what I call Kaiser’s ADHD School. I took a series of classes on learning disabilities, parenting practices, and coping skills. We learned about medications and chose one to try. Every week, Enzo and I attended a Teen Group with break-out sessions for parents to ask questions like, “What’s with the lying thing?” “How can we stop fighting over homework?” and “Where did he get it from?”
Lightbulbs were going off like crazy in my own head about that one. Discussing all the problems and pitfalls, it was like watching my own childhood being replayed, and even my life now. (I don’t have a GPA, but for all my cleverness, I do have a pretty unimpressive AGI.) I had to bite my tongue to keep the conversation on the kids.
I called Adult Psych to explore the possibility that I might also have ADHD. It felt like I could have taught the introductory workshop. I read Driven to Distraction and recognized myself on every page. I took the Kaiser tests… and guess what they told me?
“You definitely have attention issues, but you don’t have ADD.”