“In Relationships, Is ADHD a Gift or Curse?”
Do adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) have a sixth sense — intuition — and is it helpful, or harmful, in romantic relationships?
The Gift of ADHD: They say that adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) have almost a sixth sense about people. My sharp sense of intuition is the one personal attribute that I’ve always been proud of. Since I was little I’ve been able to smell a two-faced person from a mile away.
The Mixed-Blessing: And then, sometimes, I get so mesmerized by a two-faced person — hyperfocusing on their interesting qualities and potential, you might say — and in so doing, give “intuition” the middle finger. That is when I get burned: When I forget to trust myself.
The Gift of ADHD: Another pro ADHD skill is the ability to try again and again; we’re stubborn, perhaps, but also ever hopeful and idealistic.
The Mixed-Blessing: If I keep failing, or the world keeps failing me, I’ll continue trying to make things work out, until I inevitably collapse, and ask myself, What the hell is it all worth? Why didn’t you learn from round one, two, and three? Burned once, but why burned twice, three times?
The Gift of Dating the ex-Boyfriend: As boyfriends came, the ex-Boyfriend was by far the one I was most attracted to, and the one that I gave the most to when it came to my heart and my soul. When the Boyfriend walked into my life, I had long since grown bored with seemingly nice guys or men who told me they loved me but weren’t looking for any kind of commitment. I believed he was more than just “seemingly nice.” He was also one of the most challenging men I had dated, and, in that sense, kept me the most engaged.
The Mixed-Blessing of Dating the ex-Boyfriend: But, over time, I learned he carried a streak of bad. And, perhaps more importantly, I learned that I need to break that pattern — of dating only-alpha males — and give dating beta-men a try.