I’m ready to stop the vicious cycle of dropping things when they’re no longer a novelty.
I’ve kind of lost interest in swimming. It’s the damnedest thing. Lately, I’ve not been psyched about going to the pool or about joining the masters practices. I’ve tried hard to push myself, only to arrive and swim and whine. The coach gives out directions, and I basically start squawking, “Argh, why do we have to do it in that amount of time?” The thing is we’re all adults, and we are there because we choose to be there. No one is forcing us; no one is forcing me.
I continue to arrive on deck to fight the boredom-or what I’m convinced is the attention deficit disorder. When I start to feel cabin fever, I think, “Uh oh, it’s the ADD again. I need to stomp it out.” The way I do that is by continuing to try to stick with things: the boss, the colleagues, the job, the new boyfriend, who I fear I will lose interest in. The pattern is that when things are no longer a novelty, I drop them. Now, though, I want to stop the vicious cycle and search desperately for a turning point.
But today, I had to give myself a Klondike bar and a pat on the back. I turned down a really tempting job, tons more money, a slick title, because the bad vibes I had about the guy I’d be working for turned out to be right.
I remember someone telling me – maybe at the behavior therapy guinea pig group – that those of us with ADHD have a sixth sense when it comes to people. I knew that there was something fishy with this guy even when my friend-the career guru-said she didn’t understand why I was panicking. Well now she sees what I see, and I want to sing, “Hahaha, I told you so,” like a five year old. Victories are few and far between for me, so I feel like I have to milk it for all it’s worth. 🙂