My Forum Comments
It sounds like your child has identified a hot-button for you that they are going to push, push, push, push consistently until you stop reacting to it because they thrive on conflict, and are masters at using deflection. All in an effort to avoid or an inability to handle how they feel and what they are experiencing. First, second, third, etc. Don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. It’s how they choose to express how they feel which is to hurt you because sadly, they are hurting themselves and don’t know how to stop the pain. And that is a sad thing. That is why they need therapy consistently so they can talk to a professional about what they are feeling, because if you haven’t noticed, YOU are not the person to handle that. ODD children will respond much better to others in therapy and to others period than when you try to handle it. Why? Because you are their target. They will unleash upon those that love them, why? Because THEY KNOW you love them. It’s safe in their minds to unleash upon on you. Best learn to accept this sad fact earlier rather than later and get professionals in who are much better suited to helping your child manage their over the top emotions. As to articles, sometimes they are helpful and sometimes they are not. The best judge as confused as you may be about what your child is going through is you. I counter this emotional explosivity with what I call stone face. I don’t express any emotion because that’s what my child looks for… an emotional reaction so that he can try to rope me into a fight and start hurling insults or worse. He’s not rational at these times. There’s no point to a discussion. I have the same litany and I don’t deviate. You know I love you, but even if you think I don’t, that’s fine too. I’m here for you. Once you calm down if you want to talk, I’ll be here to listen. Do not feed the raging Hulk. Their minds cannot process anything you say because they are in some excitatory mental state that you have nothing to do with. You are just the unfortunately target. You just need to wait it out. That having been said, I agree with someone posting here that what you DO need to watch for are signs of cutting, depression, low-self esteem, anxiety or other related mental issues that could cause your child to take impulsive actions. Be ready to pick up the phone and get them hospitalized if necessary to balance them out with whatever medication may be useful to treat the presenting condition.
There are as many people that advocate starting children a year later, which is pretty much what you’re thinking of doing by having him repeat a year, as there are people that say don’t do it. That’s a decision only you can make. My only question is if you know he has social skills issues why not get him into social skills training, done in group (you don’t learn to be social by being on one on one in therapy) you learn it through social interactions and redirection by people trained in behavioral modification therapy. He needs treatment so that he can become aware of social cues. It’s not likely to come to him on his own out of the blue. Leaving him behind a year won’t do anything for him, except leave him behind a year, and if he’s bright what is the point of that? My son, 10, struggled with the same thing. Always sad, felt left out, and other negative feelings towards himself. So I found a reputable summer social skills camp, 9 weeks of driving hell because it was far away, 5 days a week. But let me tell you, at the end of that process which he balked at plenty because my son is the type that doesn’t like to hear the word no and will try to negotiate and manipulate you to get what he wants (so he has problems with adults as well), but at the end, he learned to unwillingly comply with instructions from adults and most importantly learned how to read social cues and interact with other children his own age. Does he prefer still to be with younger children? Yes, and I let him. But the important thing is that he learned and can interact with his peers when he wants to, which was the goal. As to the adults, that’s next on the list. In this house, the therapy never, ever ends.
I was sad to read this post. Yes, this is a real issue. My son is on ADHD meds and has this “rebound effect” as he cycles up on the medication and when he cycles down. It’s tough on him and tough on us because as you he is normally a placid, happy kind of child. I personally believe that all ADHD meds will do this to you as you get into the higher doses, but my son showed this issue even on lower doses and he’s been on a variety of ADHD meds. What his doctor did that finally worked was to give him a tiny dose of Risperdal 2.5, to make the rise and come down more mellowed. Risperdal is an antipsychotic, but it works differently on people with ADHD. Just makes him more himself during the times that the ADHD drug is either rising or going away. However, if the issue is present all day during the time the meds are working best, I’d say some kind of adjustment is needed in your meds. Anger is generated from a specific part of the brain, which I don’t remember what it’s called at the moment, and apparently the meds are leaving you stuck in that spot or activating that spot too hard. Something on the side. Do you drink a lot of coffee or things with caffeine? Caffeine is also a stimulant and combining caffeine and an ADHD med can take you right into the “nasty” zone but quick.
This is happening with all ADHD meds, not just Adderall. They don’t want to pay out, so they are putting limitations on the meds based on what the “maximum recommended dose” is. Now, we all know that some of us need more than the maximum recommended dose, obviously. Something that I discovered quite by accident is that if the doctor write scripts for different doses of prescriptions, sometimes they will fill them, even though it’s in total over the recommended maximum dose for the month. So, let’s say for example the maximum they dispense on the Adderall or the generic is 90 pills of 20 mgs, and let’s say you needed 120 pills of 20, have him write out a script of 90 pills of 20 and then 60 pills of 10 or whatever works. The point is to get two scripts. Two different scripts that will give you the coverage you need might work. I have tried submitting scripts first a week apart from each other and then later on two scripts at the same time and they got filled. And like I said, it was an accident that I discovered this and it was because my son’s dosage kept getting changed because he was being titrated and we had to keep on adjusting the dose weekly. Remember it’s a computer turning you down when the script gets submitted. There’s no live person on the other end when that script goes through checking to see, oh is this total going over the maximum? It gets blocked the moment it hits the maximum for the script submitted is what I believe is happening. Give it a try and also use the generic. Many insurance companies will no longer cover brand if a generic is available.August 19, 2018 at 3:28 am in reply to: Should u forgive even if your ADHD friend hurt you badly? #91580
The ADHD brain is not wired like a regular brain. That’s the first thing you need to understand. He is likely oblivious to what you are feeling and even if you told him it may not make a difference. Why? Because the ADHD brain is driven by interest… meaning whatever grabs his attention at the moment has his full interest, UNTIL the next thing surfaces, and so on and so on. He’s not intentionally being mean. That’s just the way he’s built. Of course, that doesn’t make things any better for you. Your question was should I forgive? Of course you should, not for him, but for yourself. You don’t need to carry that unnecessary pain. But if it’s hurting you so much, then this is not a friendship that is going to be good for you, because he is not going to respond the way you expect or would like him to respond because, well, he just can’t. Move on and find someone you are more compatible with.
You might ask your doctor for a very, very low dose of Risperdal, like 2.5. It’s an antipsychotic, but it works very differently on kids with ADHD and calms down my son’s evening impulsiveness. I don’t think increasing his current meds is a good idea either as concerta usually blocks appetite. Since he’s on a methylphenidate based drug you might want to talk to the doctor about switching to Daytrana (a patch) or Quillivant (a liquid). Neither of those have interfered with my son’s appetite. Of course, all kids respond differently. Or you can get dinner into him earlier and into bed and avoid more meds altogether.
Probably somewhere in the area of a week before they are back to their “normal” or even less, because unless I am mistaken this is not a drug that needs weaning. It flushes out of your system in like 2 days at max, sometimes less. If you’re going to do meds with your child, do yourself a favor and find someone who will do a GeneSight test for you. That test is a simple swab of the mouth and they test his DNA against a whole battery of medications (not just ADHD meds) and they will tell you exactly what kind of meds will work with him and what won’t. If he’s on Concerta that’s a methyphenidate based drug. That means he won’t respond well to Ritalin, Focalin or likely any methyphenidate drug. Try an amphetamine based drug like Vyvanse or one of the non-stimulants instead. There are basically three classes of drugs to treat ADHD, methyphenidate, amphetamines or non-stimulants and you already know which one doesn’t work for him now.
Neurofeedback works for some people, but the costs are high and invariably most report that once it stops they lose ground. I’m not going to say don’t do it as I have tried everything on earth to help my child continue to gain ground. If money is not an issue for you I’m going to suggest that you go to a Functional Chiropractic Neurologist, someone who has studied at the Carrick Institute. If you’re going to be spending money, I think this is the best shot of getting your son’s brain rebalanced. My son is 12 and has just started with an excellent practitioner in NJ. It’s a long and by the time we get through it an expensive process, but I pay as I go along, so it’s not a frightening bill. if you’ve studied ADHD you already now that part or parts of the brain got stuck in development and as a result the brain does not make the connections it needs to make to function properly. The only way to unstick the brain that is delayed is to get it to develop and that is a physical as well as educational process. Fortunately, the brain is plastic, meaning unless there is physical damage to it (and even then) it will continue to develop as you age and continue to make connections until you likely hit your mid 20s and beyond. The brain continues maturing. Meds will only help your son in the short term in acquiring information. They don’t rebalance anything that will allow him to take the information and use it in an age appropriate way. Another thing you might want to look into is Brain Balance. Not to actually go through the program but to get the evaluation so you can get a sense of where your son’s brain is stuck so you can start addressing his issues one by one if money is an issue for you. If you observe your child you will see that many systems, eyes, hearing, tactile, balance, smell, sense of space, practically all systems are not connected. I could not afford to go the route I am taking now until this point, but there were many things I did to do to move him towards balance, OT therapy for his writing, Physical therapy for his balance issues, vision therapy to help his brain connect with his eyes (that process alone took a year, but oh my God the results were stupendous!), social skills training to help him learn to recognize social cues. There are many things you can try that will help your child improve.
Maybe you can get the generic version instead. Ritalin brand and generic is readily available in the United States. There are also Canadian pharmacies that ship overseas, but you need to research to find a reputable one. Perhaps you can find a doctor who can prescribe it for you in the U.S., if you provide medical documentation and a friend in the US who can get your prescription filled in the US and mail it to you because obviously the long acting version does not work for you. The other thing is perhaps the dose of the long acting is still too high for you. Also, there are other options as well that could work for you that belong to the same family as Ritalin. There’s Focalin and Cotempla for example. Also Vyvanse is a close relative to Ritalin, although not exactly the same line as Ritalin, but it’s very compatible. There are many options out there. You are not limited to Ritalin. Do not suffer with these side effects. Go and find something that works for you.
My son is 12. He first started on Focalin as well and yes, he also had for lack of a better word, a severe form of ADHD, along with other attendant physical issues. So I know where you’re coming from. I resisted giving him medication early on and insisted they put in IEP in place with significant supports, including a one on one aide to direct him and try to keep him focused. Fortunately my town has good services in place. Not all do. That being said in third grade I did have to put him on Focalin and it did make a remarkable difference with him. However, my son is also a rapid metabolizer and what that means is that he has gone through many medication changes and always going up and up and up in the medications. A word of advice, medication is just PART of what you need to do with your child. At this very early stage in addition to meds what he needs is a behavior therapist so he can learn what is socially acceptable and not and how to compensate for his lack of organization, inability to feel time, inability to note social cues, etc. Medication alone is not the answer and my suggestion to you is that if you have good insurance you bring every single therapy you can locate to bear. I have looked at this process as rebuilding my son from the ground up. His ears and skin were too sensitive, he had no sense of balance and space, he would do reckless and dangerous things without a single thought. I learned later on he was basically blind as a bat because his eyes did not know how to track movement. I got him intensive therapy for all those things and most resolved very, very well. The most important thing you can do for your child is observe him and research, research, research everything you see and address issues as they come up. It is a long process, and you have just begun. As to medication itself, not every child will respond well to every medication. You need a neurologist or a nurse practitioner with deep understanding of ADHD meds WHO IS ACCESSIBLE TO YOU, because you may need to make medication adjustments quickly. Waiting for an appointment does not work. That person need to be able to get back to you by text, e-mail or whatever. And if they are unresponsive, you look for another provide who is. If you want some peace of mind with the meds and not have to guinea pig the poor child until they find the right medication, consider having his DNA tested. There is a test called GeneSight that will tell your doctor exactly what meds will work for your child based on how his body processes them, by looking at his DNA. ALso, hear me clearly, no one at the school can force you into giving your child medication if you don’t want him to have it. They are required to place him in an educational environment that is best suited to his needs. A lot of times that means putting him in a school that gives a half day of teaching and the rest of the day with therapies and the town has to pay for it. So just because someone says where’s his meds, doesn’t mean you are required to go that route. You do what you think is best for your child. I decided to try the medication because my son was unable to interact well with his classmates and he was sad and lonely. He was suffering because he was ostracized. Did the medication help? With schoolwork very much so, with interacting with his peers, not at all. He required nine weeks, 5 days a week of social skills training to get him there. He’s in a much better place now. Anyhow, all the best. I know it can be nerve wracking but one day at a time, one step at a time, you will make it through.