My Forum Comments
It’s a double-edged sword, but video games?August 14, 2019 at 1:18 am in reply to: Recently diagnosed as inattentive ADHD and looking for advice #125162
I am the mother of a 16 year old who sounds very much like you. Smart guy, doesn’t live to his potential, extremely variable performance, (I’ve already told him that if he moves in with a partner, to make sure he has his own “office” [i.e. shit-hole that he can close the door to])…In addition to medication (which he has been taking for a number of years), we’ve started having him meet with an ADD coach. This person is all about executive functions, not touchy-feely psychoanalysis (he would never abide). I’m hoping it will be the missing link.
I’m 50 years old and not so much different from your son. One thing that works for me, to some extent, is to try to catch myself thinking “I’ll remember.” Any time I think that, it’s a sure fire sign that I will not remember, so need to do something that second preventatively (eg, put the phone in my pocket rather than down on the table, etc….)
I am reading a book called “iGen – Why today’s super-connected kids are growing up less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy, and completely unprepared for adulthood.” No joke, that’s the name of the book.
I have a hard time teasing out shyness, from social anxiety, from introversion. I feel like some of the comments are equating these things. My understanding is that introverts don’t want to be around others, shy people do but don’t know how, and people with social anxiety are shy to what is considered a pathological level. My son cannot initiate conversation and whether he can participate in the conversation, once started, depends on the conversation abilities of the person he’s talking to. He doesn’t talk to anyone outside of school, but calls a couple kids in school his friends and nobody, thank God, is mean to him. He sits with other kids at lunch and will speak if spoken to but, otherwise will sit doing origami or reading a book instead of participating in the conversation at the table. Like your son, he won’t go to therapy. I know he would like to have a more vibrant social life outside of school. I’m just wondering how to try to get out of him how he feels about what i perceive is his isolation. If it doesn’t bother him, fine, then i guess he’s an introvert. But i think it does and that, perhaps, learning about what social anxiety is might help. That said, I’m hoping that my suggesting he read information about it won’t come off as a criticism on my part that there is something wrong with him.