My Forum Comments
No, you’re not alone in this. So glad I saw this post, because it so applies. My Son is 12 y/o with ADHD and on Concerta. While my Son has not gotten physical in any way, he has made an enormous change and not for the better. I can only attribute this to his hormonal changes as he has developed very quickly. The trigger I see in him is whenever I say NO to something he wants. Could be a game he wants, a meal from a restaurant after I’ve cooked or something that I think he’s not ready for yet. More recently he wanted a cell phone. Other triggers are when I ask him to do daily things such as bathe, do homework, go to bed or lower his voice or change his attitude as he has become quite rude in his responses, as well as cruel in his remarks both to me and his Grandmother. While I understand from other parents that at his age, the changes his body is going thru may explain some of this, it does make it difficult for a parent to control certain situations, especially when you’re a single full time working parent who has an elder parent to also deal with in the home. This is all made worse when he spends time at his Dad’s house every other weekend where there are no rules and he is allowed to do and have mostly everything he wants. This directly contradicts his daily life in my home where there is routine, rules to follow, chores, responsibilities as well as rewards when they are deserved. I find my Son has become very manipulative as well and often puts parent against parent, knowing that it will cause an upset. I’m trying to work with his Dad to find a happy medium, but my Son’s behavior makes it very difficult to find peace and harmony in the home and make our time together enjoyable. I have tried making my thoughts known to him and when he goes into a frenzy, have walked away to avoid conflict without having to back down as a parent and that seems to work and once he figures out he’s not going to get his way, he does apologize, but that doesn’t last very long and I find it’s just a manipulation he uses to try and finesse what he wants out of me even though I’ve made that decision already and then it starts all over again. He does things on purpose to annoy and upset those around him. My next step is to find a good child/adolescent psychologist that may hopefully help all of us during this very difficult time. Please know that there are many of us going thru the same exact crisis and sometimes talking about it to either a professional or others with similar issues, does help. Anyone who has any other solutions that have worked for them, please post here. Thank you !Vick2964Participant
Boy, do I know how you feel. So sorry you and your child are going through a very difficult time. It’s horrible, heartbreaking and very difficult for a parent to watch, not to mention our Children to go through. But it does get better if you get a few people involved at school, as I did. When I went through a similar birthday experience with my Son and saw how heartbroken he was and how cruel and unfair other children were treating him, I made appointments with his teachers, guidance counselor and case manager as my Son is under an IEP, to discuss the situation at hand. I also asked them to tell me who (if anyone) my Son appeared to get along with in class and who he sat with at lunch. Once the word bully came out of my mouth and I described the problem we were having, they moved heaven and earth to help me. From changing seat assignments in class and regrouping children during lunch to avoid the clicks. They started keeping a watchful eye on who he gravitated to and talked to during recess, which were kids that were on the same boat as he. In a few weeks, they were able to pinpoint a few main instigators, where the rest of kids just followed along to be cool. They were all spoken to by the principal, as were their parents, which appeared to be unaware of this behavior. To help, I tried to attend most school functions and Back to School evenings so that I could meet the parents of the children who were in his class. By doing so, I was able to make friends with the parents themselves, who turned out to be my most valuable allies in this type of situation because some did not know what my child was going thru and were very willing to do whatever was necessary to help. Those who really wanted to help would invite us to their parties and in turn make sure to attend ours. They would alert me to activities, social skills classes and other fun stuff that their children were trying that I wasn’t aware of that he might enjoy with familiar kids. We’ve come a long way since his troubles at school began and he may not have more than 5 friends at this time, but I know that the 5 he does have are great and lasting friends. They enjoy each other’s company and treat each other with respect and that’s what it’s all about.
Please try to get your school involved and mostly the parents. They are your most valuable allies. There are some parents who will be disappointing to you but those who really want to help you and care about this situation, will definitely help you. Good luck and all the best to your wonderful family!
- This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Vick2964.