Tomhurting

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)
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  • in reply to: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week. #102235
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    Anne:

    I came here in the spirit of goodwill to ask for help, support and advice from fellow ADHDers, and also to offer what support I can to others. There is nothing constructive in your posts. I may not get to decide who wants to be in my life, but I do get to decide who I want in mine. Therefore kindly stop talking to me and leave me alone.

    in reply to: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week. #102225
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    Hmm AnneHW.. I hear what you’re saying, but I am doing the work. I first sought help for mental health issues when I was 16. I’m 43 now. I’ve tried various anti depressants and ADHD meds. Nobody can figure it out. It’s frustrating asking so many different people for help and not getting any solutions.

    The obsessive love is concerning, yes. But I gave her everything I had and treated her very well and all I wanted was someone who would stick around to work on our issues – it wasn’t all me though it seems all the blame falls on me. The day she dumped me she told me she loved me, in fact she was still saying so after she left.

    As for whether it’s ADHD or not I’m not sure. There is an article on this site about rejection sensitive dysphoria. It discusses this situation and claims the majority of people with ADHD can/do experience this.

    I am wondering whether there is an emotional component to ADHD which according to the article there is.

    in reply to: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week. #102190
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    How do I PM you?

    in reply to: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week. #102184
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    ADHDinPGH thank you very much. I checked the CHADD website but I’m Canadian and it doesn’t seem to list local resources.

    I agree that it would be helpful to meet others with ADHD and am trying to figure out how to accomplish that.

    Your other strategies sound good and I will try them.

    Part of what hurts so much is that I did try to change who I am as a person and failed.

    I appreciate your support.

    in reply to: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week. #102183
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    AnneHW thank you. Yes I do have access to therapy and am in it. I’ve also just started seeing a psychiatrist but she’s still assessing me. Therapy is a little helpful, but not really solving the problems I’m talking about. I’m trying to let go of the other things but don’t seem to be able to. I’ve also seen my doctor by the way.

    in reply to: So much pain #102172
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    Thanks for your support kazjakdude and Penny.

    in reply to: Feeling resentful about his ADHD #102171
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    I feel sorry for you because I can relate. I had to drop out of university in second year, not because I wasn’t smart enough, but because I couldn’t keep up with the pace.

    I’m 43, divorced 10 years, and messed up the couple relationships I’ve had in the meantime. Sadly you’re right, it never goes away. Only recently have I realized how many screw ups in my life have been the result of ADHD. The only good news I can offer you is that at least you’re young and know what you’re dealing with. I only figured out what this is 5 years ago.

    Best of luck to you.

    in reply to: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week. #102167
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    h22k22 I appreciate your message, it’s upli and heartwarming. Thank you.

    I hear you and what you say makes sense. And I’m listening. But my heart won’t get on board. You said to take a week to cry but it’s already been 4. I just can’t shake this. I want to stop thinking about her but I can’t do it. I can’t even accept that it’s over. She said in 6 months it’s not impossible that we’d get back together. And I know this is something that people just say to get exes off their back but I can’t shake the hope that maybe she might come back.

    Amongst other reasons, she mainly left because of my ADHD. She’s meticulous in her organization, and I’m cluttered, disorganized, and slow in doing things. I’ve been trying to spend my time now getting my house perfect the way she wanted and the way I always wished it could be. And to be honest, I can’t say I haven’t accomplished anything. I’ve painted my daughters room, cleared out my basement, made 9 trips to the dump getting rid of old things. But there’s still a lot to do and the place is still messy.

    I’m trying to have hope but I feel hopeless. I feel like a failure and a piece of shit. Other than my kids I haven’t got much of a support network. The friends who were helping me have drawn away, saying I’m wearing them out. I feel completely alone, miserable, unlovable.

    I need help but no one can help me. It’s all inside you, I keep hearing. You need to do it for yourself, you need to fix yourself, only you can do it…

    I’ve been contemplating ADHD for years now. One thing I only recently learned about is the potential effect of ADHD on emotions. I feel them so intensely both good and bad. I don’t think the way I’m feeling is ‘normal’ Other people seem to cope with hurt much better than me.

    I don’t know what to do. I’m trying so hard, but things don’t seem to be getting better. I’m even talking to mental health professionals and that process is so slow and uncertain.

    My resolve, what little I have, is faltering. I don’t know what to do. I need help. I’m sorry :/

    in reply to: A friend upset me… destroyed me for the week. #102106
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    I feel I am experiencing the exact same thing except in a different context. My girlfriend of 6 months dumped me after moving in for 3 weeks. I begged her to stay and work it out and she has since blocked me so I can’t contact her. I’ve been unable to go to work – I tried and broke down crying in front of my boss.

    For the last 4 weeks it’s been all I’ve been thinking about. I love her and she told me she loved me too. I can’t understand why someone who loves you wouldn’t stick with you if you own up to your shortcomings and try to address them.

    I’m in a blinding pain. I feel like a complete failure. The rejection hurts so much. I want more than anything to fix things but I can’t, as she won’t talk to me anymore. Strangely, she left her cat and some furniture with me as she can’t take it where she’s staying because there are dogs there. Pathetically, this gives me a tiny bit of hope because eventually she will (probably?) contact me sometime to get her cat. My friends say it’s important for me to pack the cat up and take it to her mothers house and let her deal with the problem but I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it.

    It helps to know there are other people who can relate to the sting of rejection. I’ve been seeing a psychologist and just starting with a psychiatrist and expect I will be put on meds again. I’ve been on them before, for depression (which I don’t think I have) and ADHD. Meds always seem to come with unpleasant side effects but I’m prepared to try again but doubtful they will help.

    I’m in a world of hurt which makes me feel guilty as I have a lot to be thankful for – excellent job, 2 wonderful kids, an understanding ex wife, etc.

    I have to say these forums are extremely helpful. It feels good to know I’m not the only one struggling with these issues and there are other people out there like me. Thank you to everyone and I wish all of you all the best.

    Keep talking!

    Tomhurting
    Participant

    I was on Vyvanse for about 6 months. I think I was on 50mg. At first it seemed pretty awesome, I had so much energy and was always ‘on’. I was getting stuff done and felt pretty good. But then the side effects became apparent. I was always on edge. I started clenching my jaw all the time to the point of soreness. I got into arguments with people at work and also friends. I seemed to have difficulty restraining myself in these situations.

    What made me really nervous was the effects it had on my eating and sleeping habits. I lost any sense of hunger. I ate only because I knew I’d starve, but I was never hungry. I could go a day or two with zero food and no hunger at all. Same re sleep. I was never tired. A couple of times I went to work with zero sleep and felt no tiredness. Also I noticed my heart seemed to be really pumping, my heart rate felt high.

    In the end I felt like it wasn’t even helping with my ADHD, I was just high on speed and super energized. The drawbacks outweighed the benefits and I stopped taking it. Now I’m back to having plain old ADHD.

    Seems hopeless to be honest. Now I’m here trying to figure out how to deal with this awful condition.

    in reply to: So much pain #101863
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    Thanks for your reply. Time and distance really resonates. I understand but I don’t feel it. She doesn’t want to stay with me yet I beg her to. She’s blocked me but earlier said “No promises, maybe in the future depending on how I feel.”

    We had a big fight and she just left. When I told her I had ADHD and showed her a book with the symptoms, her eyes kinda bulged. She hung around for a couple weeks, but I think it was one of the big things that scared her off. The rest of the things that scared her off were my symptoms :/

    in reply to: Executive Function Cache 22 #101643
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    You’ve asked us for help, you also saw a psychiatrist. Those are things that you could DO. Sounds like you found a really crap psychiatrist, why don’t you try a different one?

    in reply to: How to Use the ADDitude Forums #101624
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    I had the same problem 🙂

    in reply to: Filing #101619
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    Me too, I actually went a couple years without even opening my mail. Now I have at least opened the important stuff and filed the rest unopened into manila envelopes.

    in reply to: Feeling resentful about his ADHD #101617
    Tomhurting
    Participant

    I wish my SO put in a fraction of the effort you are. I told her about my ADHD. She watched a YouTube video about it, hung out with me for a few more weeks and then took off. I’ve put so much effort into ‘solving’ ADHD and feel like I’ve gotten nowhere. Just more pain. I’m so tired and sick of living with this.

    If he’s a good guy give him a chance. I didn’t realize how many problems this thing causes until she left. I’d give anything for a second chance.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)