Chickster

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  • in reply to: Alpha-Stim/neurofeedback #168918
    Chickster
    Participant

    Thank you! Im curious about neurofeedback too, its why Im here.

    And what I will say to everyone loking at devices – check ebay (& gumtree, shpock etc)! People are always buying things like this, not using them, & selling them. There does seem to be a lot of different types though, which one did you use?

    in reply to: Do I have a personality disorder? #168916
    Chickster
    Participant

    The best thing a GP ever said to me was that you could be happy & still have depression. She was right – when I was in my own little bubble, with no external stressors I was happy. But depression isnt a lack of happiness. Its constant, constant thinking about what youre doing wrong, whats wrong with you, what other people think. Its shame, & being unable to cope with anything extra. Your head just goes around & around with self critical thoughts & things you used to like have no appeal.
    I found some online depression tests & they were actually very accurate. If youve managed to reduce your life to make yourself feel safe then you probably dont feel that you are depressed – but you cant live like that.

    I dont think you have a PD – but I do know that depression can make you think you might have. Thats theres something so fundametally wrong with you, & so broken that it must be something like that. But dont forget ADHD is also very much an emotional disorder – its not just about focus, it can be extreme sensitivity to things other people dont care about (criticism, real or imagined for example).

    Also, be wary of ADHD meds. Much as Id not go off them for the world Im starting to realise they can sometimes have unintended consequences. Things you used to be able to do somehow dont seem important any more.

    Chickster
    Participant

    Interesting post. Im on Elvanse too & while part of me feels it changed my life (it makes me so much more tolerant & calm) Im like you, totally un motivated. And I used to be very motivated at work. Ive never been so bad at housework & while Ive put that down to depression actually I dont think it is. Ive had no motivation to exercise since forever either, & cant go to bed early – its not good. Im on blood pressure meds too, so may be able to get away with welbutrin (I used to take it so have a stash).
    Re Concerta, it does work slightly differently. I really liked Ritalin though of course it wears off super fast. Concerta XL could be a good alternative – though as an NHS user could be hard to get.

    Good luck & do give the Concerta a try. You arent imagining your side effects & its worth getting it right.

    Chickster
    Participant

    Oh God I hear you. I actually despise therapists now – they will book you for open ended therapy to talk about things that are not relevant and not only will you sprend a fortune your hopes will be just that little more crushed. Steer well clear of psychodynamic therapy & if they dont SPECIFICALLY say they treat ADHD avoid. I think CBT (& branches of) is probably the only thing that works but even then it must be ADHD focused. Oh they all ‘know’ about ADHD alright. Except they dont. Focus is the least of my worries, & yours too no doubt.

    One thing to come out of COVID-19 is now they are all doing Skype so a therapist who knows what they are doing can be found even though they are not geographically near. Be ruthless though. Any waffle in the first session & they are out. You cant afford to have uninformed, unqualified people wasting your time – & more importantly your hope.

    in reply to: Is this what it feels like #168783
    Chickster
    Participant

    I must admit this is me at the moment. I have ADHD but this hasnt always been a big part of it (though I was very hyperactive as a child). At the moment (& probably always) Im starting things I dont finish & seem to be going around in circles all the time. I think its like a side effect of ADHD (which is traumatising without support). But you can read any of the ADHD books to see if the things they talk about rings any bells with you – it doesnt take long to see yourself there (or not). I dont mean to sound flippant but most of the main ones describe it in sufficient detail for you to be pretty sure.

    There could be sme depression there too – the two go together because to be pefectly honest it is utterly sh*t having this. A lifetime of mistakes & judgement & wasted opportunities & potential not reached. Its hard on relationships & careers & frankly if I could press a button & make it go away I would. When life is this difficult for any length of time with no real hope of it being easy its a challenge to stay positive. People who havent got it will simply never know.

    Being cooped up with not much exercise doesnt help either. Get some books on kindle (free app on iphone) – Russell Barkley & Daniel Amen are two well respected authors. Although rather annoyingly most of the resources out there are aimed at children. Because (sarcasm alert) the magic pixies come & take it away in adulthood.

    One last thing. Be very careful who you tell, or discuss it with. Being open & talking about these things is quite ADHD but it WILL come back to bite you. Tell no one – trust me on that. They wont get it (you will be seen as making excuses) AND they will use it against you. If you think you have it book an appointment (via skype maybe) to get a diagnosis & treatment then at least thats one thing you will feel a little more on top of.

    Chickster
    Participant

    I have been diagnosed a few times by psychiatrists, in London. They arent people you really want to chat to but they do get you on the meds. You can just pick one as long as they know what they are doing – they dont do counselling.

    But recently I went through Babylon, the online NHS GP to get an NHS referral & amazingly after less than 6 months got one. I went to a hospital in North West London (no counselling there, but it is an ADHD unit), got the meds twice & then they passed me back to Babylon so now its the same as anything else – I do a GP appointment through the app & they do the prescription. Im on Elvanse too so Im not being fobbed off with ‘alternatives’. They even put me on higher dose at the hospital – & the Elvanse 30mg was £100 a month. I dread to think what the 50mg would have costed.

    So I would say go private but apply to the NHS at the same time. If your GP doesnt get it then join Babylon & if the first doctor you speak to isnt helpful then do another consult a few days later. I did mine at night, & got a very understanding (& rather handsome) American doctor. If you have a formal diagnosis its easier for them though & a private doc will give you one on the spot.

    Of course everyone wants to get into the Maudsley, but one of my private docs is a consultant there & he says its damn nearly impossible. I also dont think anyone doing standard counselling is much help. I did ‘therapy’ a few times & it was a waste of money & actually rather depressing. They just do not underrstand it though they think they do.

    in reply to: BRAINCO FOCUS1 headband – any experiences? #168766
    Chickster
    Participant

    Can I ask Penny does your daughter have access to any programs apart from the ones that come with Muse? I think the technology is one thing, but then you can set the settings for different purposes – it can get expensive to work with specialists though.

    Chickster
    Participant

    And yet still no way to resolve this. Because these are very powerful & overwhelming feelings that strike in an instant so therapy doesnt help. Therapy is just another thing to fail at – or more importantly another way to hope & have those hopes dashed.

    Other ideas – make more money somehow, anyhow (walk someones dog, babysit, rent your place out on Air bnb when youre not there, sell stuff you dont need) & buy the drugs. Online if not through a doctor – guanfacine & clonidine are not controlled substances.

    Its all very well & good to try ‘traditonal’ therapeutic approaches (counselling or whatever) to try & boost your self esteem but this is pernicious & doesnt go away – the minute something happens its back. I dont think anyone who has ADHD & has this would disagree that you can try approaches to HELP this – but its ELIMINATING it that matters.

    I dont care if I can ease it using mediaton (which does help – the Vedic one) if its going to catch me out when I start a new relationship, or am tired, or have just been criticised. Because when it strikes it can ruin that budding relationship or dash the self esteem you have spent so long trying to build up. After all how can you feel good about yourself if youve got this waiting in the wings??? Seriously. Just make it stop because anything else is no use at all.

    Chickster
    Participant

    Ive got a similar thing, years of ‘normal’ therapy made it worse, & the dexamphetamine doesnt help much (though it does brighten my mood & make me less reactive). It just doesnt seem theres any ‘cure’ for this. Hypnosis if youre able to identify some bad habits (not listening, giving unsolicited advice etc)? CBT – but that relies on you being able to actually change the behaviour which is incredibly difficult to do on EVERYTHING, ALL the time.
    Thanks for the CBT mention purplepoppies.. I just dont know if I can face another round of therapy that doesnt work. At the moment it feels like a massive, expensive risk. After years of failing you learn to stop trying I guess.
    And Paul it could be caused by underlying anxiety or depression – & eventually it will cause depression. After reading Daniel Amens latest book I discovered that the dex causes lower serotonin levels when it raises the dopamine. Thats got to have a pretty profound effect, surely?

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