My Forum Comments
I did not read your whole post because I need to go take a shower to “reset” my brain [hah], but to answer your question: totally.
Because I was smart, my initial treatment led to a horrible misdiagnosis and my still-present fear of doctors. At twelve, I was treated with a high dose of anti-depressants and *ANTI-PSYCHOTICS* due to the fact that I did extremely well in school. 4.0, AP Classes, artistic, blah blah.
I was a great student, but I was also a horrrrribly behaved person.
You should go read a post I just submitted, “Open Letter to My Friends, I’m Trying,” to see where ADHD causes problems in the things that matter most.
“Why can’t you just…”
Wake up now, fall asleep then
Begin with A, finish with Z
Remember this, forget that
Start this, stop that
Come now, leave then
Go there, get here
Turn left, look right
When someone asks me those questions, I remind myself to
“Hear me, ignore them.”
By the way, my drug test results came back NEGATIVE FOR EVERY DRUG POSSIBLE.
“You must be not taking your medication as prescribed, so I will no longer be treating you.”
I literally have no idea how nothing came up in my urine test. I took 30mg Adderall XR the day before, as I always do.
It’s funny that now I feel the need to PROOOVE that I DOOO take medication! Does anyone else with a super-fast metabolism have this issue?
- This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Tides0fMyMind.
Also, I forgot to mention:
I appreciate hearing your perspective. It’s really important for people like me to hear from people like you, because it’s a reminder that my struggles and pains are not limited to me.
I often forget that my behaviors and emotional dysregulations are not only frustrating to me, but also frustrating (and hurtful) to my partner. My stormy skies don’t just rain on me.
- This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Tides0fMyMind.
Thanks so much for posting this. I have ADHD, and many of symptoms have caused turmoil and ultimately ruined previous relationships.
I am lucky to be with someone now that is caring and patient, like yourself, and is willing to ride out the storm while I continue further treatment.
We have had several explosive fights that ultimately stem from my out-of-control symptoms, and his not being able to understand my condition. I do not blame him for that — he will never understand because he does not have ADHD. But he is trying, and that’s what matters.
Please be patient with your husband, and please continue to lead him through this process. Treatment is a scary road, and it’s even scarier when you’re walking it alone. It’s such a scary road that many people may choose to not even take steps on it; they’ve gotten used to the chaos after being so lost for so long. Not to put more pressure on you, but your “taking the lead” in some aspects of this process (as he clearly is not willing and/or not capable of doing at this point) may be the only way he takes the next step.
Be patient, the man you married is still there. He’s just lost, and your commitment to him will hopefully lead him in the right direction.
So my situation is a bit different than yours, but it is pretty neat that we are both going through a fundamental problem of living with ADHD: it changes over time, it is confusing, and it can make you feel very misunderstood (even to yourself, at times).
I want to tell you my story of “Getting Help” just so you understand that you are not alone, and you are taking a big step in confronting the problem. And it is a problem that should be taken seriously.
It may get worse if you avoid it; not because your brain health gets worse necessarily, but because the weight of constant self-criticism and feelings of defeat can be crippling if you let ADHD run wild.
I am a 26 year-old man that has known about his ADHD for a looooong time. Since college graduation, a part of me knew that I was going to need more help as an adult with ADHD. But my brain, of course, has a mind of its own. It chose to get lost in all of this new-found sun-shining freedom of the adult world instead of addressing a duller, less-exciting reality. My ADHD brain doesn’t like the concept of “rules” or structure, so when the structure and jam-packed schedules dissolved, it was like letting an untrained dog off of a leash. I kept running after it, disillusioned in the thought I could keep up. As it got further away, so did my stability.
Out of sight, I ignored this for a while. I kind of enjoyed the break from routine. But over time, “Procrastination in the Face of Life-Altering Decisions” became one of my best skills.
It’s not the (ignorantly labeled) *lazy-type* or *unmotivated-type* of procrastination, though.
It’s Incidental Procrastination. Incidental to a disorder that needs further treatment if I am going to live a stable life, because just taking medication is not cutting it.
The ADHD brain has it pretty easy, whereas the ADHD person has it pretty hard.
My brain often thinks to itself:
“Why would I focus on something so enormous and scary if i could just focus on the birds singing outside instead? Or on the sound of the ticking in the AC unit? Or on the way that the sunlight casts ever-changing shadows as the tree branches move in the wind? Or on the beeping sound coming out of the fire detector because the batteries have been dying for two months? Why not just focus on one of those things instead?”
That, unfortunately, doesn’t work out for me when I am desperately trying to stick with one thought. It is exhausting.
Oddly enough, it wasn’t problems with “sticking with one thought,” or the problems in my relationship stemming from my unaccountability and “flakey” behavior, or my unstable jobs, or my unstable finances, or my unstable moods, that ultimately, that FIIIINALLY got my attention.
It was a suitcase that had been sitting half-unpacked on my closet floor for a month and a half.
I don’t know what my ADHD brain found so convincing in that suitcase, but it surrendered to the truth.
I need help.
TO THE ADVICE PORTION OF MY RESPONSE:
Whatever your “suitcase” is, listen to it. Get help.
Don’t say “tomorrow,” because let’s be realistic…..
I don’t know what time zone you are in, but if it is daytime I would say start with a phone call to GP [right now] to schedule an appointment. While you wait for your appointment, take some time to really think about *how things are* in life right now. If some things aren’t good, ask yourself why. Do that, repeatedly, until you find a common thread that ties all your issues together.
If you’re like me, it may be useful to right a bullet-list of things you struggle with before your appointment. It can be awkward if they ask you what’s up / what’s wrong, and your brain is rapid-firing the same answer “I can’t focus” over and over. Have some answers to obvious questions written down to remind yourself of your problems and their cause, because you may have trouble identifying them on the spot.
At this point, they may offer an RX or offer a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist. I would push for psychologist, as they do not have the end-goal of “throwing stimulants” at anything that resembles ADHD.
I am not bashing stimulants–I take them daily. However, with that said, you absolutely should be nervous about starting medication. Take it from me, a misdiagnosis and improper medical treatment is NOT a pleasant experience. It is dangerous, yet it happens all the time — especially with people with ADHD. On paper, it can look like other severe illnesses that are treated entirely differently.
I’m bored of writing this (haha), and you’re likely bored of reading it, so I will leave you with my simple advice:
Get help today.