My Forum Comments
Thanks you all so much for the discussion above. I have struggled with this for years with my daughter, who’s currently 13 and entering 9th grade next school year. Middle school has been super challenging so it has lived up to its reputation in spades. One by one she seems to have lost good friend after good friend as her former friends move to more popular friend groups or get tired of my daughter’s impulse control issues. She’s had one “best friend” for nearly five years. This girl has been a total rock star, totally loyal and has stuck with my daughter through so much. Now even she is pulling away and my daughter is beside herself because she doesn’t understand why. As a mother this anguishes me enormously. We’ve tried so many things: medications, therapy, activities. She’s a talented singer and actress and that has helped her with self esteem but she’s a huge extrovert and wants to hang out with kids on the weekends and belong to a cool friend group like she perceives everyone else does. I just can’t understand why this is so hard for her. She’s a sweetheart. Cares so much for her friends. Her impulse control issues can be difficult to deal with no doubt but I think for my daughter it boils down to immaturity and not knowing how to relate to girls her own age. I kick myself for not holding her back because she has a late in the year birthday. I also kick myself for not befriending more of the kids’ mothers in her class, but quite honestly, they scare me and are fairly cliquey themselves. And I agree that social media has made this all the crueler by allowing kids to broadcast to the world who they’re hanging around with and what they’re doing on any particular occasion. It just makes the kids like ours feel even more isolated. But I love the message from mamaadd above that we might just need to accept some measure of this and just remember our primary purpose is to be there for them. It can be hard for me because I seem to soak in the same pain that my daughter feels so I just try to fight it…but it doesn’t help. Anyway, let’s keep talking. It soothes my soul to hear from other moms going through this. Hugs to you all.
My son is currently on 20mg. of vyvanse and has been blinking his eyes excessively for the past few weeks on and off. We had gone up to 30mg of vyvanse and the blinking got so bad he’d come home from school with bloodshot eyes with dark circles around each of them. So we put him down to 20mg and the tics went away for two weeks…but just came back this past week as severely as they were when he was on 20mg. I brought him to his ADHD specialist today and she spent the session talking to him while I waited outside in the waiting room. She told me they talked about a whole host of worries he had from travel soccer success to math class to friendships. She said as he talked, his tics went away. She concluded that the issue is less the medication and more the anxiety. Not exactly sure what to do next but one thing I do is give him a glass of “Calm” magnesium drink to relax him each day after school. She also recommended NAC, a supplement that detoxifies the liver. I think we’ll also potentially give CBT a try to teach him coping skills for his worries and fears. He had tics before he tried ADHD meds but they definitely got worse on the vyvanse so if working on the anxieties doesn’t help we’ll probably try a different medication.
Good luck to you.
Thanks everyone for the feedback and advice.
My son has been in two physical fights this week and his mood has been down in general so we’ve called it quits on Concerta — had gone up to 36 mg. He’s always been a passionate kid and has a really tough time just going with the flow so if things don’t go his way or the way he expects things go south quickly. I’m hoping there might be a medication that works better for him because I still think he might benefit from medication to manage his ADHD symptoms. His focus was definitely enhanced and in a way he seemed more subdued and under control but he just didn’t seem right. He seemed down and somewhat dark and definitely combative on the Concerta. So, the benefits did not outweigh the costs….
I was given the name of a pediatrician that specializes in ADHD and is supposedly great at getting the right medication for kids with ADHD so I’ve reached out to her and hope to hear back. Will report back if that yields new insights.
Thank you so much, Peanut0214! Truthfully, I’m worried about all the same things you mentioned your son going through. My son is extremely intense with serious challenges just going with the flow. It takes so little for him to be triggered and yes since we started the 18mg. of Concerta I feel all his issues may have been aggravated. And frankly, I really haven’t seen any changes in his focus. The doctor wants us to go up to 2 pills this week — 36mg. and I must say I’m kind of worried. I don’t understand how a stimulant is supposed to make him have an easier time controlling his impulses….
What are the active ingredients in the supplements you mentioned? Also, does your son undergo any counseling or coaching for ADHD? I’m beginning to wonder if I need to get him involved in that too. My husband and I feel at our wits end with many aspects of his behavior. It’s so hard to stay positive with him when everything about this kid can feel like a major obstacle at times.
Thanks for your feedback.
I totally get it too. My 9 yo son has ADHD and is fairly hyper with major impulse control issues. Kids tend to like him at first because he’s good at sports and he’s smart and funny but he tends to glom onto one best friend and will wear that kid out. He also gets in trouble a lot at school and some of the kids don’t like associating with him for that. Right now his “best friend” is a pretty popular kid who’s great at sports, very nice, smart and they’re having a sleepover tonight and I’m terrified that my son will do something to totally ruin their friendship and then he will be iced out of their group. Being a mom to kids with ADHD is like repeating the worst parts of middle and high school over again…in fact, for me it has been worse. We try to make home a sanctuary too but we’re in a very close knit community and I always see all these kids playing together outside my window…and they rarely invite my son to play along. I wish I had some advice for others too. Maybe just the fact that we’re not alone helps. I try role playing and setting up playdates but it’s getting to the point that kids in his class are making their own plans and not relying so much on parents so that’s hard for him because I think he gets left out.