My Forum Comments
March 5, 2019 at 10:48 pm in reply to: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you? #110443StopWishingParticipant
@blue irises – thank you for providing your personal opinion and experiences. It’s good to hear when any person takes personal responsibility for caring for themselves and you clearly demonstrate self awareness. Perhaps for you this translates into a more balanced relationship with your significant other.
Others, myself included, have provided our own personal experiences and internal dialogue about if we would do it again. It seems the decision of most boils down to very unbalanced relationships. That on its own regardless of ADHD diagnosis is not something most people would willingly re-experience. It’s a challenging situation for the non-ADHD partner as well, and for some, these challenges are beyond our capacity to take while stayinf personally healthy and taking care of ourselves. Speaking for myself, it’s more a decision of self preservation and not a judgment on the ADHD partner. I am responsible for my happiness and health, so is the ADHD partner.
I hope this provides further perspective from a non-ADHD partner.June 3, 2018 at 10:54 pm in reply to: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you? #85479StopWishingParticipant
Reflect on who you are. If you are a size 5 shoe and the relationship is a size 10 shoe, the shoe does not fit without A LOT of compromise, uncomfortableness and pain.
If you are not a person whose strengths include being very adaptable, unlimited patience, unlimited willingness to understand someone else, has amazing self-esteem, self-reliant who does not almost anything from their partner like dependability, stability, consistency, etc., then IMO, this is NOT the relationship for you.
Long story short, I would not do it all over again. We are both wonderful people who have a lot to offer, but for many reasons for us it does not work. No matter how much I read about ADHD, how much I was flexible, clarified expectations, wrote it down, scheduled, left reminders, directly asked for things and worked on plans together, it would not work enough to remain consistent and make a real difference. IMO there is such a thing as “too little too late”. While I genuinely believe my ADHD spouse is trying very hard, the distractions and inability to bounce back from them meaningfully is ultimately going to be the formal end of our marriage in the near future.