My Forum Comments
July 15, 2020 at 12:27 am in reply to: Son has no interest, no motivation. I’m out of ideas. #178795steph95124Participant
My son is also 14, ADHD, and obsessed with watching YouTube videos, including those of other people playing video game. I’ve had some progress this summer by setting some choices such as picking between math tutoring once a week or a house project afternoon once a week. Or going to a day camp a couple weeks this summer or volunteering with me once a week. He wasn’t enthusiastic before we went, and was super crabby about getting up to do it, but he ended up enjoying the volunteer work and has been fine with going again the following weeks. For the house project we managed to sparkle and paint his room to cover up the years of writing on the walls. I’m finding that by setting up choices (A or B) rather than asking him “do you want to do this cool thing I thought of” has been helpful. Setting an expectation for the summer that he would either find a job (pretty tough for a 14 year old), go to camp, take a class, or do things with me helped set the groundwork for this.
Then the rest of it is me trying to change my internal dialog. I tell myself we are spending 6-10 hours a week doing planned activities together, we have ended up doing other random things enroute to the planned activities. So he still has WAY too much screen time, but it is a little less than it would have been.
I also totally agree on the friends coming with to make an activity more attractive. That trick works for us too.steph95124Participant
You sound like a wonderful parent and also exhausted from trying to do everything right. When my son was 5, he seemed almost to need a daily tantrum to regulate himself. I found some of the tips from hand in hand parenting to be really helpful. The parent support groups were such a relief. I switched to just listening to his tantrums and saying things like I am sorry this is so hard. And telling myself that he would be happier once the tantrum was over. And he was sweet and easy for the next or two until the next one. Patty Wipfler is the head of the organization and has a wealth of written materials that I found helpful.
It is so hard to be a good mom, especially if a child that needs extra attention. I hope you find time to take care of you too.