My Forum Comments
Finally!! Someone who can put it into words.
February 24, 2018 at 5:30 am in reply to: looking back,what advice would you give your parents about treating you? #77175
I am not a parent, but I am a 23 yo daughter. I will try to stick to what I know and apologize if anything sounds like I’m a parent (not my intention). I love my parents; and I am very thankful for all they’ve done and are doing for me. I know that it would of helped if somethings were done differently but my parents loved, protected, and taught me the best way they could. Plus, I wouldn’t be able to pass down the insight that caused my parents all the white hairs they have now.
But you’re his mother, you will always do right by him. Because the beautiful thing about ADHD: what worked today had to be changed for tomorrow because we got bored or distracted.
When I was 8, I didn’t feel different but I was treated differently. & we tend to internalize that feeling because it’s very hard to explain or express how that feels. This may not be the case for your son and hopefully its not, but sometimes the world around makes us feel labeled &/or that we’re different. Sometimes even our loved ones do that unintentionally. Our best medication comes from the support we get or when you look at us and you see us and not our ADHD. You set the standard or definition of how the world will look at him. Most importantly, how he will look at himself.
One thing I want to commend you on, is that you’re educating yourself on what is ADHD. That’s huge! And it does make a load of a difference because you’ll understand why our gift made the mess that you might have to clean up. My parents were very skeptical on my diagnosis and took them a while to research.
(I’m getting to lengthy, sorry)
Not saying that you’re not already doing the things that I listed
1. Let us be ourself (warning: we might look a bit crazy)
I wanted a place where I could be myself. Where my adhd is normal like my brown eyes. I couldn’t be myself with my parents bc 1. they didn’t know what was going on or why 2. they probably thought that how I am wouldn’t help me survive the brave new world.
2. Let us just express ourselves (they are very distinct)
I couldn’t express myself. Either I ramble for 45 minutes and never talk about what I wanted or I can’t find the words to truly describe how I feel. & sometimes it becomes very “static-y” inside. He’ll take you to amazing places, and his deepest places where he will show you different parts of himself.
3. Please remember that we’re very sensitive and we feel as deep as the ocean.
By all means, correct and teach him (and I’m very grateful for my parents everytime they did, because I wouldn’t the woman I am today). Remember that our guilt or shame does that for us.
3a. Rejection: sometimes very hard to bounceback
Whether it be an idea or my friendship with anyone, if I felt the slightest disapproval or rejection, I would feel like the world is crushing me the all the feels. Is that big of a deal? No. But… I’m not sure yet. Even if you know his idea/plan won’t work, just help him back up and try again. You might have the next Albert Eistein.
This is a tough one, and kind of confusing.
4. Help him: when he doesn’t know what he needs help on, but is asking for help.
I know I need help in whatever situation. I just don’t know where to start. Or what the problem is. Or why I feel the way I do. or… help us out of this rabbit hole and bring us back.
As for him knowing, well that’s up to you when you think he is ready. My dad always reminds me that there are so many people with other differences and accomplishing things that we’re more than capable to do. My parents made me accountable for whatever actions, difference or not, I made. There are always consequences: good or bad.
Your son has a gift, enjoy it.
I was just recently diagnosed as well. I’m 23 yo in university. I would have started the process 6 years ago, but my parents didn’t move forward with it, because I looked normal and healthy. Its a very emotional process because it is so many emotions all at the same time. It’s almost like getting glasses for you brain. The world is clearer. I felt relieved because I didn’t feel different or weird for being me or versions of me that didn’t feel like me. And when you talk to someone with ADHD, it is the best! ADHD is tailored to everyone uniquely. But you speak the same language. When you describe certain things… they just get it. It’s explaining thoughts, ideas, feelings, what may have you, but ITS COMPLETELY OKAY TO NOT BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE because somehow they get it. They can keep up. They understand the “random” connections. They put a stack, and then I stack. Until you’ve gotten somewhere