My Forum Comments
January 13, 2019 at 2:31 pm in reply to: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? This is what's ruining my life? #106601shanleighParticipant
I read this article yesterday too Ranma & it really hit hm. Now I’m getting teared up again reading your post. It does feel better to not feel alone. You are not alone! The funny part about this is that I am an Occupational Therapist & somehow I feel like I should be able to OT my way out of this. I know just like a MD can’t treat themselves effectively, I should know I can’t therapize myself. That doesn’t mean I can’t put tools to use. I am seen by a Psychiatrist every 3 mo.s & she always’s is available by ph. She gives me a sliding scale & let’s me pay 1/2 up front & half later since my insurance no longer cover’s her. She tried me out on Prozac-i’m off that now, Gaba-low dose to help c restless leg/anxiety/sleep, dosage of concerta, it helps, but certainly not a stand alone fix & a low dosage of clonazepam for those times I start slipping down the rabbit hole. If I get too far down the rabbit hole I want to self medicate…as many of us do. I’m working on trying to stop the neg self talk, look at the glass half full & considering speaking to my boss…again. But I too am afraid-there is clear difficulty c communication as well as a lot of negativity that’s been directed at me. I want to quit, but I’m afraid she won’t give me a good rec. I’ve been there for about 8 yrs-she is my 5th Dir of Nursing. And just like you, when I start looking at other job’s-I start freaking out about failure or hurting myself again-at 47 I have already had a back fusion. I’m a good OT & I love my pts-maybe being extra sensitive & obsessed can have benefit’s in some circumstances? Being a good OT doesn’t make me a good employee & I found out she said something neg about me yesterday to a pt’s fam member. Needless to say, I’m beyond distraught. I’m going to try & talk c my boyfriend right now about RSD. I’m scared. It sucks to hear, “Your too sensitive,” or “Get over it!” Funny, I’ve never heard of RSD before-I think I’d rather be called an unevolved Empath-not like the mind reader on Star Trek! Many times my ruminating type of worried behavior ends up being a legitimate deal-i.e., I can sense my boss dislikes me, then yesterday it was confirmed. I’m an easy scapegoat & she placed blame on me. I requested a med order for hosp bed for a pt who need’s it…3 mo’s ago! She told the pt’s fam that insurance denied it because the order was not written correctly. Meanwhile, I’m obsessively asking about where the damn bed is constantly, because my pt has aspiration precautions and he could choke and …climbing up the rabbit hole. Going to take an HTP-1, maybe a Same & reach for a sparkling water instead of a self medication beverage. I’m going to sing/try & play the guitar & thank the higher power’s that be. When I speak to my family about these things they have strong negative feelings about medications and say,”Just need to get to church!” I don’t disagree completely.
Ranma, apologies for going on a tangential soliloquy. I didn’t mean to sound so self absorbed. How long have you been living c RSD? Are you taking medication for anxiety & ADHD? Do you live in the US? What kinds of work are you drawn too? Is your name really Ranma, I was just reading something about the name at http://www.kabalarian.com-I’d take all this c a grain of salt and hope I am not out of line because honestly I don’t know a thing about Kabalarian Philosophy. I just know that I would rather focus on it than pay attention and deal c anything other than my own life situation’s. With uptmost respect, ShanleighshanleighParticipant
I am a 47 year old women that was formally diagnosed c ADHD & anxiety approx 2.5 year’s ago. I have been aware for many yr’s that I have to try harder, deflect c humor, cover, charm & sometimes do odd, seemingly unusual thing’s to live & learn. When I think on my childhood, I recall being around 6 yr’s & impulsively getting off at the wrong bus stop, wandering the streets of Tempe, AZ. feeling so scared. My poor parent’s, lucky I was found by a kind person who helped me get back to our apt..it wasn’t just a few off blocks. My 4th grade teacher, in Kingman AZ., humiliated me in front of the class. I remember it so very clearly, feeling like I was stupid & something was wrong c me. I was trying too hard to listen. I was so afraid of being wrong. Back then, after being singled out, I was moved to a special rm. My memories of this time are the other kids that also had challenges or severe IDs. I enjoyed being around them & felt like I had a meaningful role. I don’t recall a lot of interpersonal interaction c adults. They put me on a computer (probably one of the first;). Later in my life, I was able to grad fr HS, went on to get a Social Work degree, & then I got my grad degree in Occupational Therapy. Grad school nearly did me in & here I was c all of these OT professor’s. I made it by the skin of my teeth. I had tutor’s, I sang songs, I made up dance moves to remember anatomy, & I even secretly recorded the Dean meeting c me bi weekly. I have worked so hard throughout my pursuit of education. But everyday is a challenge & when I found this website tonight, I ugly cried. It took me way too long to answer your question. Yes, I believe OT for ADHD can be very helpful. I am trying to OT myself right now;) One thing I’ve found is that the med’s should not stand alone. I know OT’s in school setting’s are very limited c their time & focus only on school specific tasks. I have seen & worked c some incredible OT’s. I worked as an OT student in a grade school in FFX VA-18 yrs ago. Like anything else in this world, there’s good & bad. I remember making a rec to a teacher I was working c who was about to retire. The student had ADHD, his desk- a wreck, he couldn’t stop rocking. I filled up moderately heavy bean bags for back of classrm that could be pulled & encouraged her to allow him to get up & move-wash boards etc. But she refused, explaining to me that it would appear that she was rewarding him for his bad behavior. I want to believe things are better in our school system’s now. My sister’s a teacher & my nephew’s been newly dx c ADHD & anxiety..possibly OCD. She brought him to an outpatient OT and was very disappointed. I would suggest asking experienced Teachers, Special Educators, Principals, Social Worker’s, Neurologist’s, other parents or health professionals if they know of anyone they hold in high regard. Shoot, maybe I need their # too. I wish you the best. This took on a life of it’s own-in true ADHD Combined Presentation. V/R-Shanleigh