Screwball

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  • in reply to: New to dating someone with ADHD #54204
    Screwball
    Participant

    Liz, if I had to put you and my partner in the same room. May the higher powers help your partner and me, you two would probably go on for hours about our quirks… The answer is:

    Yes, this is normal for your partner. I can see the exact same patterns in me when I met my partner 13 years ago. If I can quote a line from Shirley Manson “It seemed like rainbows would appear. Whenever you came near the clouds would disappear” (Garbage – Cherry Lips, Shirley Manson)

    There is that insatiable need to know them (You) and we devote all our focus to getting to know you. As time goes that focus wanes, HOWEVER, we do still love our partners deeply. It’s very hard to see those little things that we do, to show you we still care. I am guilty of that. I guarantee you, Liz. This is normal lol. IMO, 5 months is a REALLY good sign. We only stick to the person we are comfortable with and know that will least likely judge us. We show our most embarrassing quirks to those we love (his sports game talks).

    Being also a guy doesn’t help with the ADHD, because our conversation are along the lines of grunts and sounds from other orifices… My point is men have egos. ADHD doesn’t help that because we are constantly making mistakes and criticised about them since day dot. Unfortunately, it makes us very sensitive about the topic. This may work… If you want him to open up about his ADHD. Try asking him a closed ended and subtle question relating to him. It’s worked on me, because I love the praise and ‘SOMEONE has taken an interest in my strengths!?!’ keep it short too and give each conversation space. Take what little you can at the time. E.g.

    – “Hon, you are amazing at (sport X) because you flow so well with rhythm of the game. Do you think it’s your ADHD driving you to be that good?” -> Answer is positive.
    – “It’s really cool to be able to do that! Can you tel me what it’s like when playing?” -> And so on. Keep it short and be genuine.

    In terms of your confusion… His habits won’t just get on your nerves. It will drive you Bat$H337 CRAZY! The best advise I can give to you is: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST! I cannot stress that so much. Accept him for him and PLEASE don’t try to change him, encourage him and let him make those mistakes! He will love you for those things. We may be forgetful, but we remember those things and keeps our loved ones no.1 in our hearts.

    I’d like to suggest this Youtuber, Jessica McCabe. Look her up by searching “how to ADHD.” She’s funny and insightful. The best thing about her is she and her Fiance/Husband (not sure if they’ve been hitched yet) HAVE ADHD. She’s got lot’s of videos to cover a spectrum of things ADHD. Also you’ve done the right thing by asking others, arm yourself with knowledge and apply that knowledge with your own and his tweaks.

    in reply to: ADD is Ruining My Life #54115
    Screwball
    Participant

    An all too familiar story Amb. I hear you and feel for you. I know it’s cliched and I really wish I had a more empowering way of saying it.

    “Baby Steps.”

    Force yourself outta bed. Force yourself to have a protein and omega 3 rich brekkie. Force yourself to get some sun. Easier said than done, right? Take a moment to think about each ‘lil thing and defy the crappy world us human beings created for ourselves.

    If I may share with you… I defy the world because of my ‘lil girl. I’m certain she has what we both have. I know that if I give up, whose going to get her through those days, you and I share, when you and I needed someone just to be there unconditionally and without judgement. To know that she can be safe around her dad at the very, very least.

    Even if you don’t have someone or something to keep you going. At least get yourself a mirror and write on it in red “Defy!” and look in it every day. I would like to see, maybe one day, a post an optimistic post written in the UK 🙂

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Screwball.
    in reply to: Feeling like I dont fit in #54053
    Screwball
    Participant

    Amen to all posters. It really does stink, when you see pictures of a work event with you neither being in the picture or the person behind the lens. Even listening to a conversation between colleagues over an event.

    When you do have the chance to interact, you don’t know whether they are being genuine or going to look at you like you’re handicapped. Otherwise they get annoyed at you for trying to get involved in the conversation. Just because you need to fill that need to be accepted…

    Tragically, when it does go south. You find yourself in a meeting room with your manager giving you a written warning for offending someone because you said or posted something out of humour that pokes fun at your own character traits. Great! You got yourself into trouble while making yourself look like a tool in front of your colleagues whom you just want to be involved with… I sometimes wonder if the world has an OCD towards uniformity.

    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #54049
    Screwball
    Participant

    morena26, if I may be blatantly honest and give you a guy’s perspective on ADHD. WE ARE VERY, VERY HIGH MAINT. Believe me…

    The 1 thing we do so well to our partners is put up an air of confidence and sureness. It couldn’t be far from the truth. Deep down we are ashamed and embarrassed of our shortcomings normal neuros have. This causes us to be very envious and to suppress it, we to our further embarrassment have to fuel our egos some way.

    Simply we’re like crabs. Hard exterior, soft interior.

    My partner had the same frustrations as you and the other kind ladies that have posted.
    Yes, we’re late.
    Yes, we’re going to forget.
    Yes, we’re going to leave our junk lying around.
    Yes, we will be bringing our frustrations home from work.
    YES, we WILL drive your bat$5&7 crazy!

    … and we really want to stop it. We can’t, well sometimes…

    Know that when he says sorry. He won’t know how to be genuine about it. When you know he is, a hug says more than words. Guaranteed. (provided he is honest and does care)

    It’s really fantastic you’re taking action to get a glimmer of what we go through. Remember to let us make those mistakes, and give us a hand only when we ask for it. Take care of yourself first, that way you indirectly take care of your partner. I’ll raise a glass to an amazing journey for both of you!

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