My Forum Comments
Hang in there seems less than sufficient, but HANG IN THERE! You’re not alone! Phones, social media, unlimited access to the internet … it’s a whole new world. I also gave my son a phone thinking he was a good kid so I didn’t restrict it. And he is a good kid. I picked up his phone one day to look up a recipe because mine wasn’t handy and I pulled up his browser, and BAM – my world came crashing down.
There are programs you can put on the phone to monitor everything, even those hidden accounts. After we had a talk about accessing inappropriate content with my son and that behavior continued, we put one of those monitoring apps on his phone. He has slowly earned more freedom with his phone. But if grades slip, or behavior slips – the phone goes away. The phone is also not allowed in his room at night. Once it’s bedtime, the phone is in the kitchen or with me. The monitoring programs where also helpful because he could keep his phone to call me but I could block access to the internet and all apps. Since I work that made me feel more confident that he could still call me if he needed me while I was at work.
You’re not a failure. You’re working your tail off, and it’s not easy raising a teenager. No teenager is perfect. Any Mom who thinks their teenager is a perfect saint is kidding themselves. Keep at it.
Kilo – I totally get that. And I agree about the health and the protection part. But this book is fiction that deals with mature themes. I wouldn’t allow him to watch a mature theme on the TV, so why would I let him read about one?
I guess, my thought is, if I won’t let him watch a R rated movie, why would I let read a R rated book?
I was scared of medication too. So I understand where you’re coming from. Like Penny said though, look at the facts instead of the opinions. The facts speak volumes.
Since I said look at the facts, I won’t go into personal experiences. I will say, medication is a decision we did not take lightly but not one that we regret. Best of luck to you!January 9, 2018 at 10:39 am in reply to: Should my 6th grade ADHD son be back in elementary school?? What is going on?? #72749
Writing was a big problem area for my kiddo and in 5th grade it really became an issue. Seemed like all the assignments were written assignments. For any homework assignment that he could get away with it, I would allow him to use the computer to type out the assignment. We bought a cheapie printer so he could still turn in a hard copy. Sounds silly, but at the same time, I bought Pre-K and Kindergarten level handwriting workbooks at Target. We kept those books private. But he did a few pages every night, and they helped. Because realistically, in his adulthood he’ll need to know how to write and at least sign his name. His handwriting is still not great, but it’s improved. There are also certain pens he seems to write better with than others. We let him experiment, and his teachers don’t seem to mind if he turns in an assignment in green ink if they can actually read it.
My kiddo is also smart, but also has an anxiety issue and is hard on himself. If he has a massive amount of homework or a large project, he is easily overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to start so he shuts down, hides the assignments or cries. I’ve found I’m most helpful to my son in helping him set priority lists, breaking up projects into more manageable chunks, helping set up lists, and calming his nerves. Once he starts ticking off boxes, he usually doesn’t even need me.
As a migraine sufferer myself, I know the pain of those is unbearable. Since I don’t have ADHD, I can’t comment on how to specifically combat the drug combination trigger. However, there are some triggers we just can’t steer clear from. You might speak to the Neurologist or a doctor well versed in migraine about migraine preventatives if you feel Vyvance is really the only ADHD medication that really works. Preventatives come with their own set of pros and cons, like any drug – but they are an option to stop the migraine before it starts.January 3, 2018 at 3:14 pm in reply to: Looking for a Picture/Description of Trigen generic Concerta #72112
I’m not sure if this will help any, but I fill my son’s prescription at Walgreens and they still get the Azla generic. Doctor writes the prescription for Concerta; Walgreens automatically fills it with the Azla generic.
Not sure about other states or doctor’s offices, but my son’s doctor’s office is now able to electronically send the prescription to the Walgreens of my choice. So you might call your local Walgreens and check with them to see if they carry the Azla and then see if your doctor will send the next prescription to Walgreens.
I agree, if the “reward” is causing a meltdown, it’s not the right reward. If he likes change, I think that would be a terrific replacement for tickets and something to certainly bring up with the therapist.
One little child in my son’s group L-O-V-E-D to collect legos. Instead of something like tickets or stars, he got legos. Like seriously, a lego at a time. The child absolutely LOVED it and completely responded to it. My son responded to just getting smiley faces and a certain number of smiley faces got him a reward that he got to pick out. Our therapist was very willing to tailor the program to meet the individual needs of each child.
You’re not a terrible Mom. Every kid just seems to respond a little differently. I’d see about the coins. I’d start with small value coins first though so you don’t go bankrupt. LOL.
I was anti-medication for several years. When teachers, doctors, or health care professionals would even hint at medication I would immediately shut them down. And I tried everything – supplements; therapies; diet changes; etc. There always seemed to be a missing puzzle piece. Behaviors would improve, but never significant, I guess enough to give me some hope or cause to believe that medication wasn’t needed, I just needed to try something else.
My husband helped finally open my ears enough to listen to the doctors. And luckily, we have a dang good (and patient) doctor. What finally made me realize that deciding to medicate was the right choice was about a month after starting the medication my son telling me he felt better on the medication; about 3 months after starting the medication him gaining an entire year worth of reading knowledge; 6 months after him starting him passing the state reading test unassisted; first him going an hour without having to excuse himself to the resource room because he was overwhelmed in the general education classroom – and then 2 hours – then half a day – then eventually a FULL day! Seeing all that intelligence explode out of him like it had been trapped inside not knowing how to get out.
I didn’t know it was the right decision for my son until I tried it. For my son, it was the missing puzzle piece, not a fix all – just a piece. My advice would be to keep an open mind, do your research and speak to the experts.December 26, 2017 at 12:21 pm in reply to: What does the prescription need to say to get the Certified Generic for Concerta #71571
I had actually asked my doctor about writing my son’s prescription for Methylphenidate 27mg ER because on my insurance prescription list that drug was listed as one of the few ADHD Tier 1 drugs. And I thought it was the same as Concerta. The doctor said no. He said “ER” and “CR” are old or different drug delivery mechanisms and are NOT the same as Concerta’s delivery mechanism, hence why the insurance company has tiered it so differently. Methylphenidate 27mg ER and Concerta are listed on my son’s formulary list as two completely different drugs – not equivalent to each other. Concerta 27 mg Generic name is Methylphenidate HCL Tab SA OSM 27mg. The “OSM” being the delivery mechanism.
To ensure my son gets Concerta, he will only write the prescription for Concerta. The pharmacy fills the prescription with the generic that has the “ALZA” printed on it. We go to Walgreens. Unfortunately for me, the insurance company has tiered both the authorized-generic Concerta and the brand name Concerta as Tier 3 prescriptions. UGH!!
I would go back to the pharmacy and seek a refund and in the future ask the doctor to write the prescription for Concerta. At least from my understanding, Methylphenidate 27mg ER is a completely different delivery system from Concerta and that prescription will not get you Concerta or its authorized generic.
I would let him do some of the legwork. ADD doesn’t mean you have to do all of the work. In fact, it seems he told you he wasn’t looking for the same thing you were. I would let him come to you. You’ve expressed how him not communicating with you is hurtful. If he continues that pattern with no improvement whatsoever, then since it’s such a brand new relationship, I’d move on.
I can sooooooo relate! Your son pretty much sounds like my son. I remember being told I had to go on certain field trips because my son was too much to handle. Penny gives such EXCELLENT advice.
We have sought out friends outside of school. Boy Scouts has been amazing. And can be an inexpensive option that provides a lot of opportunity to create fun memories. The things that do cost money, there are several options for fundraising to help defray the costs. My son doesn’t click with every boy in the group, but he does click with several. He was also able to make friends with a few kids in the neighborhood. Those kids are younger than him, but maturity wise are at his level. Those relationships grew organically but were easier to foster during the warmer months when you might see kids riding their bikes or scooters in the neighborhood. One Mom put a freestanding basketball hoop in her driveway and that attracted a lot of kids.
Those neighborhood friendships are also great when my son’s birthday party rolls around. We started just doing a home birthday party. We don’t make his friends bring gifts or anything, we just send him out into the neighborhood and tell him to gather up his friends. Last year he brought back 6 kids who were all to happy to eat hot dogs and cake. And for the first time EVER, my son had FRIENDS at a birthday party. I had a few confused parents call me wondering why my son was inviting them to a birthday party in 5 minutes …. but OH WELL. LOL. I will not forget one Mom “so just to be clear, it’s your son’s birthday party but he does NOT need a gift?” “No, your son’s presence TRULY is a present”
Helping foster these friendships outside of school has really helped ease the feelings of sadness over not having friends at school. My son doesn’t have friends inside of the school, but he has friendships outside of it. He has his tribe, it doesn’t always need to be inside the school walls.
I agree, 2 months is a short amount of time. When we started behavior therapy, our therapist told us at the beginning to expect the behaviors to get worse before they got better. As he tested his new boundaries to see if I would stick with it, or give in and give him the reward without the good behavior. My son placed value on any sort of attention (both negative and positive) so it was months, upon months of ignoring negative behaviors and rewarding even the slightest positive ones.
One thing we found really helpful was if my son got to pick the rewards. He got to pick what reward he felt was appropriate for what good behavior. We incorporated some of these rewards into his school day. Since he spent some of his day in the Resource Room (Special Education Room), if he modeled appropriate behavior during the school day he got extra computer time or some lego time in the Resource Room.
It took MONTHS, and in the beginning I thought it was pretty dang stupid. But gradually we saw improvements and we started increasing what was expected to obtain an reward. Hang in there.December 14, 2017 at 3:11 pm in reply to: Dating someone with ADHD with children who have ADHD #70523
I’m not sure what “normal” parenting of a child with ADHD looks like. But it does sound like your boyfriend is open to suggestion and help. I do think blending two distinct parenting types into one family can be tricky and takes time, patience and open communication on both of your parts. I know I was doing the best I could with the tools I had, my husband brought some new tools to my tool set. If you bring skills he lacks that you can teach him that he’s willing to learn, that’s terrific! That’s what makes a good partnership.
When you are casually dating, this might be a hard subject to tackle. But if you’re spending significant amounts of time together as a unit, it might be time to start discussing (perhaps with your counselor) what you envision your role to be in the future if this relationship was to progress. Especially when you’re bringing two families together, I think pre-marital counseling is a wonderful idea when you get to that point so topics like this can be openly discussed.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Pump2Duncan.
For our Neuro, his teacher filled out a questionnaire. I filled out several questionaires and medical history information reports. There was an observation period of my son and a variety of psychological tests (he was 5 so they included the Wechsler Preschool and Primary Scale of Intelligence – Third Edition; Selected subtests from NEPSY-Section Edition; Bracken School Readiness Assessment and Behavior Assessment System for Children).
There was a meeting that took about an hour with me, another meeting that took about an hour with my son and then a final meeting that took about an hour to go over the report. My son thought it was fun and had no idea that he was being tested.
These tests showed his IQ, his Adaptive behavior, his sensory profile and other things. ADHD was listed as a Diagnostic Impression (as well as a few other things).
I find it odd that any teacher would recommend a child NOT get tested since early interventions are key to later successes. I encourage you to follow up with the testing. Since mental health records are highly confidential, I do not see how this information could “label” her unless you share the information with others after receiving the report.December 14, 2017 at 12:10 pm in reply to: Dating someone with ADHD with children who have ADHD #70496
My husband is an amazing man, and I will never forget the day we were in marriage counseling and he brought up my son. It blindsided me. I never even knew it was an issue for him. Sure my son was special needs, sure he was ADHD, un-medicated, and LD but we had systems in place. We rode home in silence. I knew he was right. The situation wasn’t great. The daily negative reports, etc. etc. etc. Why was I so unwilling to try medication?
Anyway. If he had never said anything, I would have never knew there was an issue. My initial reaction was anger and parental protection. It’s a tricky spot for a step-parent type figure to be in. However, with the help of the counselor (I think that’s why he picked the counseling session to bring up the topic), we moved passed those initial reactions. And he was there for me to help and support me and my son. He became more engaged in the treatment plan, and he found a couple common interest areas that he shared with my son that they could bond over. I began looking at and than ultimately decided to start medication. And we revamped some treatment plans. Ultimately, overtime things got a lot better.
Fast forward a few years, and I am truly thankful for that counseling session and him bringing it to my attention that there was an issue. My husband and I are happier but more importantly, my son is happier and leads a more fulfilling life at home and at school.