My Forum Comments
Gunbug, How did it go?
It’s all so familiar, the things you describe.
Foot thumping, dreaming, procrastinating, scared of the phone, la-la land, couldn’t get the homework done, all the odd little details….
Do you see that you are judging yourself all the time?
Try to find good things to say about yourself – just because you are not neurotypical does not mean you’re not okay.
WE’re all okay here, just different.
Let us know how it went.
If you are working effectively all week and getting reasonable pay, can you not hire someone to help on the occasional weekend? Having another person to work alongside is quite galvanising. And once you have broken the back of the mess it is quite easy to maintain for some time.
If you cannot cope alone, you cannot. It is not a moral failing, just a glitch in the brain, a glitch we all have if we’re here.
It’s getting started that is so hard – where to begin? Confusion reigns. I go from room to room, starting in twenty places at once, and only creating more chaos.
I spend hour after hour not washing the dishes because everything else is more interesting. Remember, we have interest-based brains, and housework is not fascinating, it is repetitive and tedious.
But we thrash ourselves for not washing the dishes, then we get confused (because it is so easy to do the dishes) and depressed (we’re such a secret slob, if they only knew!), that we take the couch route, which is a hiding-place.
I suggest you move your couch outside into the sunshine and list all the things that you did manage to do. You got up, you ate something, you brushed your teeth, you took out the garbage, you learned something new on Youtube, you dreamed about designing a house, you answered the phone. When you list absolutely everything, you will find you did quite a lot. But what you did may not fit societal norms of the good housekeeper.
OKay, now get up and wash one dish!
Have it checked, it is a simple dipstick test. UTIs can travel through the body to the kidneys, which is a problem.
It could be a venereal infection, in which case – get it checked.
Anything that hangs around this long must be looked at, please!
I think this situation is not exclusive to people with ADD.
Friends are not necessarily permanent fixtures, or at least few of them are.
Life moves on, we change, they change. Or not.
Do not lose sleep over it, keep following your path.
Oh my gosh, so that’s it!
I have spent a good deal of my long life just staring at a phone, either unwilling to make a call or to answer a call. I am just plain scared of phone-calls.
I always wondered why, when everyone else seemed so telephone-friendly.
Thank you, everybody, another piece of the puzzle is in place – or at least we now know it’s a piece.
Oh yes, I recognize this, every detail!
I too diagnosed myself accidentally. Then I took a questionnaire on Adult Women with ADD (that I found online) to my GP.
He did not question my self-assessment, bless him.
Personally, I do not ‘medicate’ very well – if there is a side-effect I will get it. I tried it, it was not for me, sadly – it does seem to help millions of people.
So one is thrown back upon taking personal responsibility, which includes a healthy lifestyle, exercise, breathing exercises and meditation (of a rather ADD sort, you can imagine).
Lately I have been trying CBD oil, and it has allayed a lot of the anxiety that I associate with ADD.
Read a lot and try everything. It is work, there are no miracles.
Also, do not allow yourself to believe the labels – ‘deficit’ and ‘disorder’ must not be on your self-description list! ‘Barmy’ is fine.
Yes, you sound catastrophic, just like me. You are castigating yourself for absolutely everything that you trip up on, which is a lot.
But how many are of any real importance?
And what do you do well? For a start, you write beautifully, with vigor and honesty and a wry sense of humour, and that is a very rare accomplishment – particularly when one is frazzled to the brink with all the do this, try that, not that, swallow this, and on and on.
So write, find the things that you can do, not the things you cannot, the latter are legion and will break your heart.
Those of us like you are on tragi-comic adventure, but we often have rare skills, even if we use them at three in the morning.
Throw the beepers out of the window.
Creativity – which you seem to possess in spades- does not come with a beeper.
He may interrupt you constantly. Stop him gently, he is not being rude.
He may ‘blurt’ comments without thinking it through. He’s just saying what everybody else is thinking. Give him a nudge.
He will do several things at once, and not finish any of them. The upside is that he will be a lateral thinker and smarter than most. He will not be dull.
When he is ‘in the zone’ nothing else exists, including you. Let him be.
His conversation will leap all over the place, follow if you can, it will make sense in the end.
Almost nothing will be linear – never expect to go from A to B, unless you are prepared to go via M and F and Q. You’ll still get there. Probably.
He may be very anxious, and sometimes depressed, being ADD is not a walk in the park.
If he loves you, he really will love you!
For the rest, he’s just a bloke like any other.