GBH447

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  • in reply to: I feel like calling it quits #172964
    GBH447
    Participant

    Penny Williams, you give the most useless, insensitive replies here. You are the worst sort of enabler. Yes, people who have ADHD incur a tremendous amount of undeserved shame and difficulties, and that warrants sensitivity. I would love it if everyone understood the in’s and out’s of ADHD and what it is, how it works, how it affects people.

    But for you NOT to acknowledge this woman’s pain and difficulty here, to say that she should effectively just “deal with it” because it’s all part of the ADHD brain perpetuates the stigma of ADHD. It makes people with ADHD feel like there’s really no hope for improvement, that some things just are. And what, you figure that everyone else just has to deal with it? No.

    To the original poster: you’re right to be frustrated, and you have a right to your feelings and to consider ending this relationship. Your husband is an adult, and despite what certain others here might say, he can play an active role in managing his condition and overcoming it. You don’t want to be aggressive or give ultimatums–ADHD is a really tough thing for someone to suffer from, and you’ll benefit from coming to understand the details of it. But that doesn’t obligate you to stay in a relationship that is negatively affecting you. Anyone who suggests otherwise is manipulating you.

    So, when you talk to your husband about what’s going on, strictly speak in “I” statements. Express how this affects you, and what doesn’t work for you. Be wary of accusing him of doing things–“you” statements rarely help things. You can talk about his options for handling his circumstances in light of how it will strengthen the relationship you have. If he doesn’t make serious changes, consistently, walk away. As difficult as that might be. Give some sort of timeline for yourself here, too, because change won’t happen immediately, and if he makes concerted efforts, your ongoing support will be massively helpful.

    in reply to: My non-ADHD spouse in denial #172160
    GBH447
    Participant

    She doesn’t get to decide if you use the medications. For most people with ADHD, the meds are a lifesaver and are critical to continued management of what is a difficult condition to live with.

    Lots of people don’t believe in ADHD, and often that non-belief is bolstered by the behavior of many ADHD people and the surrounding support industry which over-rotates on “it’s a neurological difference” to the point that they’re basically saying “therefore you are not responsible for yourself, and it’s unfair to expect you to take responsibility.” That last part is the killer.

    Your wife should pay attention to the scientific reality of the condition, skeptical as she may be, and you can help with this by taking nearly all the responsibility for managing your life. It sounds like you’re up for doing that, which is great.

    in reply to: It's not ADHD, you're just an A**hole, #172159
    GBH447
    Participant

    It sounds like you’re trying to take responsibility for your condition. If your wife won’t accept that, then you should probably move on. Typically, ADHD people avoid responsibility, and certain members of this forum perpetuate that tendency, but you’re taking the right steps. That’s great!

    in reply to: Constant blaming, zero responsibility and denial #172158
    GBH447
    Participant

    The ADHD “support” industry de-emphasizes that the person with the condition ever take fully responsibility or ownership.

    You’re not going to change this guy. Staying with him just delays the inevitable. Walk away, and let him figure it out.

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)