My Forum Comments
Thanks for the responses everyone, it has given me some comfort at least and some things to pursue. I am looking into the mindfulness thing and have found it incredibly difficult so far but I suppose that is to be expected. Nothing worthwhile is easy as they say. The anxious-preoccupied attachment style is not something I have ever heard of but I will check it out. I do not recall having inconsistencies in my relationships with my parents but then again I would be very young it sounds like and things may have improved later I suppose. My memories of early childhood are extremely poor. I would say I have excellent relationships with my parents who are both still alive and still together so I am not sure if this fits me in particular but I am going to read up on it to find out!
I do have hobbies that I have used in the past to get my mind off of things like this unfortunately they are loud and my current living situation makes them untenable. I have tried and failed to find suitable replacements but I am thinking of starting some Jiu Jutsu classes and maybe taking some drum lessons away from home to get the noisy physical exertion some where that always helped calm me down in the past. Thanks again everyone, nice to talk to people who get what I am talking about and from similar experience not just from some text book they read somewhere. Literally bringing tears to my eyes thinking about it, I never really realized how lonely and isolating this was for me until now. So yeah, thanks again everyone. Now I just need to figure out some way to find a local professional and start with some kind of treatment. I guess the place to start would be with my insurance company to see what kind of options are available. Ugh. Well, I hope you all have a nice day. Maybe one day I will get around to actually finding some help with this instead of bumbling through another thirty or so years on my own with it.
So it is not just me that this happens to, that is good to know. That said has anyone figured out a way to stop focusing on something or more specifically, someone? I seem to be unable to do so at all even when things are all bad and I do not want to think of this person. Am I just out of luck? Avoid them for as long as it takes? I just have always had such issues focusing on someone who there is no way could develop into a healthy relationship and then not being able to stop. It is incredibly frustrating.
Thank you for the response! It is a bit of a comfort at least to know that I am not alone. Not found a way to flip it off then I suppose? I am thinking perhaps if I can make myself interested in someone else it should sweep all old thoughts out of my head but I am not sure I want to go jumping from person to person in weirdo mode, if that makes sense. Hrm.