My Forum Comments
ADHD affects different people in different ways. Your son sounds exactly like mine, now 15. I medicated him. We had to search for the right one – Concerta – but it changed his life,and mine too, for the better. But meds are not a panacea. He still struggles with metaphors and similes. Executive functioning is the reason. I did two other things – sent him to social skills camp – and put him in a program that assists ADHD kids -IN PUBLIC SCHOOL. If you want to get him re-evaluated, you should do it for your peace of mind to know you did everything your instincts said you should. He hasn’t made a 180 degree turn but I’m happy with the 145 degrees! He made 3 friends in the camp that he has held onto for years. Yep, multiple year friends he sees on a regular basis! Oh joy! when he was 10, I thought it would never happen and I cried about it a lot, I got educated through the tears and this website was a big part of it. Do what’s in your heart. It’s the best guide I’ve had!
My son is the same age. I think he is afraid to pursue things he really wants to. I don’t have ADHD and was the same way. I am much, much better now. It changed when I got some self confidence. I would suggest you stop nagging and start supporting. If he wants the baseball, he will pursue it. By the way, if he has been playing baseball then he IS doing SOMETHING. Just remind him he should practice and tell him you are proud and you want him to be happy and he can do it because he is amazing and amazing runs in your family. 😉
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by MsKaVR.
One other thing – I had to break up the homework because my child could not just sit and do it all at once. The high school kid is a good idea especially for the older child. I really think you should do it. A couple hours a day should be plenty. I did Friday’s homework on Saturday because end of the week was too hard to force attention, so you would only need 4 days which saves money.
I don’t have ADHD, but I am very organized. I have 2 bags all the time. One is my regular pocketbook with my vitals in it. The second is a larger bag for my computer/work essentials. I also have a sub-bag for vitals (wallet, license) inside the pocketbook so I can be a fashionista and change pocketbooks without leaving any vitals behind. The work bag never changes.
So you could have a vitals bag that moves between the 2 work bags.
Can you possibly get a bicycle at least?
I noticed my son had better moods when he exercises and takes fish oil.
ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior. Move on. P.S. There is NOTHING funny here.
- This reply was modified 4 years ago by MsKaVR.
Leave. That is not because of his diagnosis. It is because one must always accept people as they are — OR NOT. If you are not happy with how you are treated you have already been involved 5 years too long. Yes, I realize you have only been together 4 years. ADHD is not an excuse for being a jackass!
I think you did the right thing. Boys can be mean to each other but it is your job to teach them your family does not work that way and you are not joking. If he feels controlled, so be it. You are setting the standards of acceptable behavior. He can be free when he pays his own bills! God forbid he say something like that at school as he gets older. It will be a lot more serious than an investigation! The school may suspend, give detention, call police, order a psychiatric exam – they take these things very seriously since there has been violence at school. Once I got a call in first grade because my child made a shooting finger sign at another kid – they were playing cops and robbers! The schools have zero tolerance AND we live in a litigious society.
I would also explain from a softer perspective about love, respect and that family is forever. One day parents die. Siblings need each other and childhood can be so much more fun with a close relationship.
Or just use a very simple app like ColorNote on the cell phone or NotePad on a PC to create 2 lists: Personal, Professional. The first entry on each should be the date, followed by the items. Check off each task as it is done. The next day, write the new date and add any previous day items not done. One app, 2 lists. You see your progress, the app is simple. Good luck!
My son is 15 now but did the same. I started promoting honesty by saying if you tell me the truth now, there won’t be punishment. It works. I then talk to him about why he should not do what he did and just as important, what the proper choice would be. I talk to him about how to think through the choices, since he lacks executive functioning. It teaches him how to think. I then also remind him that I love him no matter what, that he can always tell me the truth, that the lie adds to the problem. It has taken a while bit I do see the change. It works! It also helps that he is a bad liar so he really can’t get away with it!
Disrespect is a deal breaker. It’s time for “lose what you love”! No Ipad, cell phone, etc. for 30 minutes. Continuing to act out adds time — 5 minutes for every comment. Now you can sit in the room with a pen and paper to occupy your time (writing assignment: “I will speak respectfully to my mother” 15 times? He hates writing). Maybe a day with the electronics locked up in the car’s trunk. Never cave in because it will just be harder next time. You have to make him see being respectful works better that being disrespectful. Wait for him to cooperate and point it out, thank him, hug him and tell him you are proud.
No, don’t pick up after him but give him an incentive to clean it up. My son earns an allowance based on keeping his room clean – and a few other simple chores. He waits until last minute to clean the room and the job is far less than perfect but it’s exponentially better than it used to be! I do need to break the chore down for him into layers/steps: 1- Clean up all clothes. 2- Clear the floor. 3- Clean all surfaces. 4- Clean the bed. 5- Clean the closet. Usually 5 is on a separate day. He is most cooperative if I tell him one step at a a time. Good luck!
I only have one child but homework time was very difficult. He takes a med for focus and if he can work on at least some before it wears off, it would go so much better. In middle school they gave him a study hall instead of an additional elective and that was an immense help. The after school program did homework so some would get done there. I had it put in his IEP that he can turn things in late so that helped too – we did some over weekends. So what I am saying is you are only one person and need help. Can someone help and work with the 6 year old on homework or play time or anything while you work with the older child. I am sorry to tell you – but forewarned is forearmed – this will get worse before it gets better. If your child has electives, replacing one with study hall will help IMMENSELY. Good luck!