My Forum Comments
August 31, 2018 at 12:12 pm in reply to: How to motivate college-age child with ADD & depression #92645
There may be more than depression/anxiety at play here. Is there an executive functioning deficit? Without EF it is impossible to plan and create goals and carry them out. Young adult hood is difficult for neuro-typical kids too. I have 3 young adults at home and they have had similar issues. All had EF issues along with ADD, and language disorders. One was also dyslexic another has high functioning autism. EF held them back more than anything. Having EF skills can help overcome the depression/anxiety piece.
I enrolled all of them at different times in the Arrowsmith program and it really helped.
My oldest with the severest LDs/ADD went back to community college, raised his failing GPA and got a certificate. He just got hired as a special ed teachers aide.
My ASD son returned to college and is now in a four year college about 3 semesters away from a degree in economics which is a major he loves.
I don’t mean to sound like a commercial but its the only program that really deals with executive function in a successful way. Everything else I tried, accommodations special programs etc just did not work for them.
Hugs to all you Moms out there.
It sounds like the schools have failed your children. Kids with more severe disabilities like the ones described here could really do better in schools designed to meet their needs aka Special ed schools. My middle child was really going of the deep end behavior wise in 5th grade and I got and independent evaluation with recommendations for a proper school. Unfortunately it got ugly and I had to hire a lawyer to get the district to pay but it was worth it. Within a year of attending a proper school, I got my “real” child back. My stress level went way down knowing my child was getting what he needed. Litigation was stressful but it was easier than watching my child fall apart. Simply said, you put your child in a safe place while you go off to battle demons.
The problem with supplemental services is: it’s only a few hour per week vs spending a majority of time unsupported. A school gives a full time wrap around environment. In a special ed school, the teachers teach there because they WANT to teach a child like yours vs seen as a nuisance by a regular school. They give appropriate homework, if any, that the child can DO so you don’t have to have a fight every evening. You may even need a boarding school if the problem has gotten too out of hand to be handled by a day school.
The key to getting private school placement is to prove the public school has failed and based on what is written here, they have. My suggestion is 3 fold, 1) look for an appropriate placement(s) that your child will thrive in, 2) quietly gather evidence, emails, school work, reports from the school to show they cannot/have not provide an appropriate education and look for a special ed lawyer or advocate to help guide you.
I am so sorry to hear this. Of course your wife will be devastated and angry. Let her work through her feelings without getting defensive. I would recommend that you give her total control of the finances if she will stay with you. She may love you dearly but has a right to fear about her future as well as your sons. You two are not kids anymore and don’t have lots of time to earn it all back. Therefore, be an open book and hand all the financial responsibility over to here and support her in every way you can. I went thru something similar with my spouse and this is how we solved it. Best of luck to you both!