My Forum Comments
great story well written . . . thank you. That weight will always be there, i know the feeling. The feeling that we HURT people we love in our past or at the grocery store five minutes ago is truly the worse part of ADHD. If there was no collateral damage i’d be just fine living in my own world / head. But the fact of our “anger, angst and anxiety” has on others is hell.
I hear you loud and clear that our wives often carry your past behavior with her. that’s human, so that pressure to be perfect is even more weight. This is a long practice, and when we Fu_k up we all get set back years, not days or minutes, it’s that big of impact for ADHD people, that over reaction to something silly is the same over reaction to making a mistake and the feeling of sadness or “damn I’m a loser, I’m weak, why cant i just fix me.”
your writing is excellent
Be calm. Remember that there are very few experts out there a diagnose is just that an observation. Be aware of “snap judgements” and quick responses to put you in a category with a label. Read Gabor Maté, MD Scattered Minds. Reading it will shed light on your perceptions and personal reality. Lots of tools out there to help organized a scattered mind, some use a digital watch with an alarm even, plus journals. Your stress as a single father alone can make on simply BATTY to say the least. I wish you love and luck and patience, i meditate a lot, 3 times a day, break up my mind running away from me.April 20, 2020 at 12:01 pm in reply to: Help! Is there a motivational video that acts as a therapist, calming you down? #169683
I’ve been meditating with Michael Stone for years, sadly he is no longer with us, he was a great “guru” smart, calm, matter of fact, fun but many others out there. Meditative music helps (youtube) but the human voice like Michael’s helps me stay centered.
https://michaelstoneteaching.com/April 4, 2020 at 10:25 am in reply to: New to the forum & desperately crying out for help #167942
ADD is a disease and your wife needs some help. Not sure what she had attempted to try, emphasize the word “try” to control ADD her symptoms. I have ADD I’m on Ritalin it helps me, not saying medication is an answer it’s not but I am saying meditation is an answer.Creating a sense of order is an answer.
ADD really exposes it’s ugly head under stress, which is everywhere, 24 x 7. Your home life with your girls sounds normal, which is normally stressful. YES get them organized and engaged but i can also suggest that THEY all need to KNOW Mom is not well, she looks well at time acts well but she is not well. She will be erratic! SO make sure they (the girls and you) Understand the Seriousness of her illness. When we see someone suffering humans will shift behavior, they will want to help MOM. Their actions of cleaning up and asking what can i do to help will HELP. Have a meeting, not too heavy, maybe over pizza, do research with them on line, go to blogs like this, watch videos and “re-discover” this illness, treat it like a class science project, Educate them slowly, they will get it. Also make sure your providing time for yourself.
all my love and respect
33 I turned 60 and recently found out. Don’t beat yourself up, it won’t do any good.
Be patient, stay in tuned to your mood and energy and impulses.The only thing that “Really matters” is what you do next and next and next. It matters how you create an atmosphere and environment that empowers you to relax, breath, think and thrive. It takes time, mediation is key to me and even medication, I’m on Ritalin 10mg twice a day that is also helping but i”m an artist, painter and writer, creative director I’ve found what I’m good at. That focus and passion is key also, find it, grab it and dive into it, otherwise our minds will wrap us into knots, spin us in circles and create emotions that are not healthy. Stay positive, find your passion and grab hold of it, let go of anything that does not add joy, begin to weed out the “crap”
I have all them on the checklist for 50 years. When we look at the “dump” your list it’s easy to feel that when we look at one or two they can feel like “that’s just real life” no big deal. But it is the totality of the list, they pile up, and our days of full of these eradicate intersections with ourselves and others. When we mess up we feel worse! I have found mediation works for me, it forces me to sit still, to let my mind unwind, and acknowledge all the silly random thoughts of a monkey (me) to be present then let them go. I”m on Ritalin 10 mg twice a day, this has helped me a lot. It wont go away but our minds need a fu_king break, it is draining. Don’t be afraid to try medication, if it works you win. Mediation is also key as so is your diet. I found art and creative fields to be my mojo, my savior, doing work you love is key otherwise you’ll be in an environment, job or home where your always in chaos. Sort of like a Sid Crosby the hockey player playing point guard for the LA Lakers? Not good . . Love and Respect to you.
I have ADHD, I”m 60, here is what i can tell you from my own experience. When we act out, YES we’re looking for attention. BUT PLEASE remember that most of us with ADHD are learning disabled. So when we are in a group, or face to face or a party or even with friends we “must find a way to communicate” or as you say get attention but really as odd as it is we want to fit in. For me i used and still use humor, I was raised by a strict Italian Mom, south-side chciago, So i was “trained” to respect women so my humor was always respectful. But damn I swear a lot, i use humor and say things most people think to themselves but i say out load, people laugh, I get attention, they say damn your fu_king funny.” My point is i WISH of time when i can walk into a group and have them say “that dude is so smart” but my ADHD has made me feel numb with dumb for a lifetime. So i struggle and the easy way is to use humor. I understand their is BAD HUMOR, but let your husband know your in his corner, no one goes into a room wanted to look like an assh_le! Right? My wife relaxes me by holding my hand, rubbing my back and letting me know she love me as is, and most importantly she lets me know, it;s okay to still, quite and not compete for attention. Make sense? I hope. but ADHA makes us feel stupid and we all try to prove we’re not, ATTENTION is a drug. Love and respect to you! Give him comfort, and yes you do have a right to complain and be upset when the humor is offensive or hurtful, ADHD has a bigger impact on those around us.March 17, 2020 at 4:18 pm in reply to: I don't really think ADHD medication is working for me #145330
I’m on Ritalin, it is working for me. 10 mg twice a day. It sort of adds a “speed affect” but my mind does not dip into anxiety or melancholy. I also have a very good diet and meditate. ADHD never goes away, its like a runny nose. Meditation for me really helps. Loving yourself as odd as that sounds help, different is okay. I’m an artist painter an writer that helps, find a passion, fly fish, run, swim, dance naked on the back porch, cook elaborate dinners, watch funny funny movies Raising Arizona comes to mind. Love and respect to YOU.
I had the same experience, thinking why I am so stressed and anxious in a Walmart hunting for toilet paper and chicken wings and coffee filters? I came home exhausted. But the environment that we walk into, willingly, should be avoided. Respect yourself, respect that stress and anxiety is actually built into America and Capitalism and life. Remember too, this is a extraordinary stressful time we’re in, so give your self permission to feel that anxiety, give it name. All my love and respect. I wish you calm. I have posted before that meditation helps, its easy to do, us with ADHD often just walk into a pitbull fight thinking we’re walking into the woods. love again!
Thank you for sharing. Incredible journey. I’m 60 years old with a similar experience, i was diagnosed 2 years ago. I’m on Ritalin now, it is working for me. I just thought i was “not smart” and like you i was punished for it by my parents and the educational system. In those days ( way back when) i was just labeled hyper active. I can tell you, like YOU i went into art, found something i was passionate about, I excelled and still do as a over paid creative director. I figured out I could concentrate on GOOD books like Catch 22, Slaughter House Five and Catcher in the Rye and On the Road. I had trouble focusing all my life but found there where things I loved and could concentrate on and excel at. I guess i can say when the “passion gene” is activated in our heads we can do quite well. This success does not make the ADHD go away BUT it allows me to have self worth, feel like I”m smart and i can surround myself with things i love, like and I’m passionate about. But i do dip into “that numbing dumb” feeling. Please stay strong, surround yourself with things and people who bring you joy, ignore the STUFF that confuses us, the world is made up of 95% junk, confusion, distractions, dribble and myths, Love yourself. Meditate . .. a lot. Keep posting, when you find that grooooove you feel better, be you, dents and all, all my love and respect from a stranger with ADHD.