My Forum Comments
November 21, 2019 at 6:45 am in reply to: Defaults to screen time when not being engaged by others #135031
One of the problems we have (and I think that this is the same with the original post) isn’t a lack of a system for limiting screen time or knowing alternative activities, it’s that when the kids don’t have screen time, they don’t have alternatives they can do WITHOUT adult involvement. We also have the kids do chores/homework to earn screen time, but I need to be paying attention to what they’re doing to some extent.
It’s also difficult to send them outside to play when there aren’t other kids outside. I can’t be their activity director but they say everything else is “boring” and they usually devolve to squabbling with one another because they don’t know what to do. It’s also not a matter of giving them a chance to “figure it out” on their own – they’re in grades 7 & 8 and have been given plenty of timeNovember 20, 2019 at 1:21 pm in reply to: Does anyone ever feel like they are just faking being a mother? #134989
You’re not alone! Keep in mind too that even though other mothers are talking about this stuff, many (most?) of them aren’t doing it perfectly. And some may even not be doing it at all, but don’t want to feel like they’re “failing” at being a mom. Like lots of other people said, there are no “shoulds”. How many men feel guilty because the house is a mess or there’s no meal plan? Not many, but if they do a load of laundry or cook a meal, suddenly they’re a “hero”. I call BS on that – men are fully adult human beings who should feel as much responsibility for “family stuff” as women do. Don’t beat yourself up for things that aren’t even on the radar of almost half the population.November 20, 2019 at 12:54 pm in reply to: Defaults to screen time when not being engaged by others #134981
We have exactly the same problem with both kids (both have ADHD and older one is also on the autism spectrum). One of the challenges is that it’s difficult to say you can’t have screens until you do “x” when there are no other kids around to do an activity with. Riding your bike by yourself isn’t that much fun and, because of both kids low tolerance for frustration and other social deficits, playing with each other usually results in fighting.
They will both drop screens readily for other activities, and love to be active outside, but default to screens. We’ve done lists of alternative activities with their input but, they’ll do the activity once or twice and then proclaim that it’s “boring”. I’ve encouraged them to make plans with friends, have them over, or go to their place (i’m in a position to take them if necessary), but their social and organizational issues make this a hit or miss thing. Plus, A LOT of their friends seem to have a great deal of their time scheduled with formal activities, so they’re just “too busy”.
I’m hoping that someone has some suggestions that could help because I have nothing against screen time but it’s getting to be a bit much.