My Forum Comments
mbfunkytreasures, after all I read about misdiagnosis I was very hesitant about seeing a doctor. I finally bit the bullet and, it was a disaster. In a nutshell, since I’m 58, know how to use a calendar app and am not addicted, I can’t possibly be ADHD. The problem is they’re using obsolete information about what ADHD is. If your insurance will pay for it I’d keep looking for a doctor. I would but the cost is really high for me. Instead I went to a CHADD meeting. At the end, when the adults with ADHD got together and talked in a circle, it was a huge relief. They all seemed perfectly normal and yet had plenty of stories that I could relate to. I could see how every one of them could get misdiagnosed. But they didn’t. It felt really good knowing it wasn’t just me. Previously I had tried explaining this to my wife and she didn’t believe me. She wondered if I was maybe depressed. After I came back from the CHADD meeting she could see I really had met a group that all had the same stories. It’s an hour drive to the CHADD meeting but I’ll be going back.
Since I’ve been a teenager I’ve known I will get depressed if I don’t exercise regularly. I can feel it coming. Eventually something will set it off. It’s not like it just shows up on it’s own. I just get angrier and then someone says something and I take it personally and crash. The good news is I go for a long hike and the sun comes out. Unfortunately it isn’t as simple as just exercise every other day. Now that I know what’s going on it’s a bit better. I’m never going to be the calm guy sitting on top of the mountain. I do need to find plenty of activities I can get passionate about.
I struggled with dyslexia as a kid. When my daughter showed signs of it I went to bat for her. The response from the schools was useless. I went and found someone that understood it. The teachers are not getting recent information. So my guess is your daughter is using what she’s been taught. I know this is easy for me to say but she’s just saying what she’s heard. I can also add that my daughter is likely ADHD (my son is not) and she’s more on egg shells than I am. If I say the wrong thing to her when she’s stressed out then she can say some hurtful things.
I got a used copy of the book “Is it you, me, or ADD.” Maybe it will help. There does seem to be numerous books on the subject.
I hope my ramblings help as well. One last ramble: I do know that, since I get more emotional than most people, my emotions can also go in a good way and much stronger than most people. There’s a place my emotions can go that is warm, wonderful and full of love. If you have such a place, maybe a memory of holding a sleeping child, try going there once in a while. My point is that there are also some benefits to this thing and you may as well take advantage of them.
When you say you’ve recently discovered ADHD, does that mean you have a diagnosis or a strong hunch? (I’m in the hunch category but I’ve talked to plenty of people that have been diagnosed, and that sure sound a lot like me.) I ask not to pry but to understand.
Also, have you talked to your kids about this? There are books that might better explain this to them if they don’t believe you. I mentioned to my wife that I thought I was ADHD and she didn’t believe me at first. Then I went to a CHADD meeting and came back and told her I met a lot of people that are just like me. Given that everyone in my family knows I’m just a bit quirky she started paying attention. My point is once they understand what you’re going through, and that is not easy, they might better see, understand, accept you for who you are.
Best of luck.
Just one hobby? Given how scattered I am hobbies are like potato chips. BTW, I’m 58 and my ADD is merely a very strong hunch.
Things I do to keep my happy on my own: Photography. Cooking. Boy Scouts. Biking. Camping/hiking/out doors. Writing software. Japanese gardens.
I’m not particularly great at any of them but I jump around and do really enjoy all of them. I do like reading, at times. I just have to force myself into making it half way through a book and then it sucks me in.
So what type of books do you like reading?
Thanks, brandikball, for the kind words. Kind because it’s really nice to know, how to say this, but maybe it’s not just me. I tried getting a diagnosis but got stopped by the insurance gate keeper (another story). But from comments like yours and others I’ve met it has been a huge relief. Granted, I don’t have an official diagnosis but this is a first step. Just knowing what’s going on is helping.
I also like your comment about loving yourself for who you are. That’s something I’ll try as well. It sure sounds sappy but feeling love is a lot better than anger.
Why am I different? Why are you different? Why can’t you get passionate about anything? Why does imagination suck me in like a moth towards a flame? Why do I push like hell at everything, or just not give a damn? Why do I snap at people? Why can’t I just take it easy? It’s either full on, or this is boring me into dust. Why will I take the most inane decision and turn it into Defcon 5, just because there’s nothing else to take up my time? How can you possibly find so much random crap to talk about? Yet you’re not interested in how cars act like a fluid on the highway? Why does my mind keep jumping from screen to screen? Why am I tired all day but wake right up at 10pm? How did anyone write anything before there were editors with back space and insert? How does all this give us an advantage in the human gene pool? Where the hell are my sunglasses? Why can’t I just go with the flow? Why can’t I just finish something without a Herculean effort? Why don’t I have friends? How do I explain my passions to someone that is just annoyed that I can’t even clean up my clothes? Will I ever be able to accept myself for who I am?February 18, 2018 at 11:38 am in reply to: I think my child has ADHD, but his Dr and teachers think otherwise. #76700
Just 2 suggestions:
Find a doctor for a diagnosis that specializes in ADHD and keeps up with it. I just had a doctor tell me the goal is to get everyone off meds by their 30’s. That was valid medical advice 20 years ago. To be blunt, teachers and general practitioner docs don’t know squat. Since you’re here asking then you know something is off.
Try exercise for/with your son.
Oh, and one more freebie, give your son a big hug and tell him you love him no matter what. If he does have problems this will be important medicine in the long run.
Best of luck
“Getting off ADHD meds by 30’s is nonsense, by the way. …”
Hence my disappointment. I figured it was not going to help by disagreeing with a psychologist.
Anyway, thanks Penny.
Patrick, I’m not sure hyperfocus is quite the right word, at least for me. It’s more like an island focus. I will focus on things I really care about, that have deep meaning to me, but on things I don’t care about or are really tedious, I have no patience. I will find any reason to get away from those tasks and any disturbance will pull me away. But if I care about it that’s another story. I will focus on something because it’s satisfying. The thing is, I don’t really have a choice. The reasonable thing to focus on doesn’t happen. I’m sitting here typing to you because right now this subject of ADHD is something I really care about. So here I am typing to someone I don’t know, and have never met. By all accounts I should not be wasting my time typing to you. Please don’t take this as an insult. It just is. I’m always on the lookout for one thing to focus on. The alternative, especially if there are a bunch of things I have to work on, is my head spinning from task to task.
Hope that helps.
Whisperingwings, I like your poem. A bit of warmth on a cold day.
Loisfysh, I like your attitude. Your idea of writing the way you think is great. I do the exact same thing. Before there were computers with editors I would have failed miserably at writing.
To everyone on the forum. I’ve never felt like I belong to a group before this one. All the things I read here just make sense to me. The trials. The heartache. The emotions both high and low. The chaos of writing. That’s me.
Unfortunately, I can honestly say I’m still afraid of making a call to a doctor. I hear so many stories about years of misdiagnosis. With that and my insurance, this could just be a very costly waste of time.
StillPlaysMC, a few things:
1) 8th grade is the worst. period. It will get better. I know from experience. Part of the problem is most students that age are struggling. So they aren’t very kind. Eventually they will mature and you’ll find some friends. Maybe not a lot. But it gets better.
2) For an 8th grader your writing is amazingly good. Keep it up! Writing is hard for everyone. You’re doing much better than most. One thing nice about it is you can go over it, jump around, it’s a nice match for a mind that’s also jumping around.
3) Print out this thread and take it to your school counselor and ask for an IEP that accommodates being ADHD. That will help with your grades. Nobody knew about ADHD when I was your age. I got lots of comments along the lines of “if only he’d try.” Yeah, I felt like a complete failure.
4) One thing that eventually helped me was I found something to be passionate about. I had no idea at the time but it was a good thing. You say you like to write. Well, write. You may have to set some limits but take the break. Write stories for the school paper. Maybe there are other groups of writers. You’re young and maybe they’ll help you with your writing.
5) Having split parents is tough. I can’t say I’ve been there. I still argue with my dad and he’s 90. My mom died 3 years ago and I still miss her. Why don’t you write to your mom? It’s an old thing, writing letters. It’s also wonderful getting a real letter from someone.
Hi Cynthia. Sorry to hear this. I wish I had some good advice for you. All I can think of is find someone that specializes in adult ADHD. I realize this might not work with your insurance.
Anyway, this problem is exactly why I’m hesitant to start this process without knowing whether the doctor has enough experience. Kind of ironic that a fear of failure, which it seems a lot of ADHD people have, is preventing me from moving forward.
Wahoo27, I listened to that podcast and I didn’t get the same message you did. At one point Dodson said ADHD is genetic but he never said one of the parents must have ADHD. They obviously must have some genetic component of it but that might not result in having all the genetic components that result in ADHD.
That was my take on it, anyway. I did a brief look elsewhere on the web and saw nothing that suggested one parent must have ADHD.
liasamturn, not bossiness at all. I suspect everyone on this forum is writing from their hearts. It’s just nice to know that I’m not alone.
Thanks for the tip about behavior vs feelings.
Thanks Exohart and Penny. I wrote a response but got logged out. Maybe I should type faster and be less of a perfectionist :).
Exohart, thanks for taking time to respond. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. A lot of threads on this website sound very familiar. Your question about auditory disruption brought up some thoughts. I can’t tolerate a TV going while I’m trying to talk to someone else, or, well, do anything else. I can’t go to rock concerts as they’re too loud. This has been forever. Classical music is the one thing I can listen to and get work done. It’s so soothing. Someone chewing with their mouth open is really distracting.
The reason I’m a bit hesitant in finding a doctor is I want to make sure I have someone that has plenty of experience with adult ADHD. I read a couple of self diagnostic tests and the standard one has lots of questions that I’d answer with “it depends.” I don’t have issues with missing appointments because I use my calendar app. If I didn’t have that I’d have a lot of troubles, but so would every teenager I know. So it’s kind of a meaningless question. I stay clear of doing certain things so I know I won’t have problems with them, but my wife has to take care of paying bills or reminding me to do it. When my mind starts to race I go for a bike ride. I’ve learned to adapt. I found another self test at TotallyADD and it’s phrased in such a way that there’s no doubt I’m positive. I need a doctor that understands this. How many really do? I saw a webinar that suggests most doctors don’t.
Another issue is insurance. If I need medication then I have to go through the insurance network. I also have to essentially pay for all of this out of pocket (I have a high deductible.) So I really want to know what questions to ask a doctor before I go in.
Just an idea, but maybe you should look into scouts for your son. I was a scoutmaster for 12 years and saw plenty of boys with ADHD. They mostly did well. First of all, the outdoors is a great place to burn energy. Second, there are scouts that are very accepting of others with challenges. Not all, but it’s a good environment. Given that your son is in 4th grade now is a great time to join. He’s the right age to join cub scouts, make some friends and learn the basics. In about a year he’d join a boy scout troop and do a lot more outdoor activities. Different packs and troops have different personalities, so ask around. If you like the outdoors then you can also participate.