mamualvin

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  • in reply to: Diagnosis #73700
    mamualvin
    Participant

    After seventeen years of treatment for depression, having a devastating crush on the single, student psychologist I saw at 38 followed by ten years of IV opined use I was diagnosed at 48. In the USA the problem is the DEA. Are streets are flooded with crystal methamphetamine are they’re so worried that stimulants will get to the street that it is almost impossible to get medicated as an adult. If you take drugs you’re labeled “unclean.” No addicts (like many of us who have lived with undiagnosed ADHD) were medicated period until 2015. Avoiding medication at all cost might be fine for children, but I’m 49. I don’t have years to find a holistic route and I feel like being alive isn’t so bad ten minutes after my morning dose. I’ve been doing great now for a year on methylphenidate and Suboxone. I saw Dr’s at the free clinic for ten years and I thought they were telling me to get a private psychiatrist for tranquilizers. No one ever mentioned ADHD and I’m the poster child for adult ADHD. My first private psychiatrist knew what to do immediately. I’ve recently had to change Dr’s and needing two controlled substances is a nightmare. Here you literally have to just role the dice (if you can afford it) to find a Dr. who will treat you. I’ve found psychiatrists that have been out of school for just a few years may be stuck with old ideas that are the exact opposite of the current treatment guidelines. For medication here you must also find a Dr. that has room on their yearly amphetamine quota. Good luck. The right treatment can make life better than you’d ever imagine.

    in reply to: Can my boyfriend get better or shall I leave him? #59002
    mamualvin
    Participant

    I you do try to get back together. Consider giving him an ultimatum. Until he’s properly diagnosed, if he’s like me, he will never believe in the possibility of getting better. Just tell him that he is going to have to get the help he needs to change or he doesn’t love you enough to get through all the crap even normal couples have to deal with. But if you’re not willing to make him get help so there’s a chance he could treat you as you deserve, then in addition to his issues, you need to reevaluate how you feel about yourself. There is nothing wrong with having a zero tolerance policy when it comes to any type of abuse. Without honesty, respect, actually listening and being willing to change to be a better person for yourself and your partner, I don’t think you’ll ever find true happiness with him or anyone else. You sound like a really caring person. If it takes all your caring to deal with him, it will hold you back in being able to be there for others. You can’t fix him. Unless he is willing to get help and can make progress, you really should ask yourself why you are willing to settle. I didn’t know how to think until proper treatment. I just couldn’t focus. Not really at all. But since I’ve been getting better I am becoming quite a different person. You must keep that in mind too and accept the fact that if he does get better and change, you might no longer be compatible. The old saying “there is someone for everyone” isn’t true. On a planet with more than seven billion folks, there are several guys out there that you could find true happiness with. Demand the treatment that everyone deserves. Who ever you are with, make him treat you like a person, not a commodity.

    in reply to: Can my boyfriend get better or shall I leave him? #56106
    mamualvin
    Participant

    I did not have any idea I had ADHD. I thought I was a very talented and smart lazy looser who could never find the nerve to ask a girl out on a date. I had blocked the memory an incident that happened in middle school when I was 12 or 13 years of age. Until drugs and alcohol I had only two friends before High School (13-17 years of age). A few of the little boys got one of the little girls to write me “love” notes until I became convinced she liked me to make fun of me when I found out. I don’t have normal male ADHD. I am hyper-emotive internally not outwardly physically hyper. Due to this, their teasing had an extreme effect. I had an 8th month relationship in college in 1988, a handful of month long relationships since, and my first “real” date with someone with whom I had mutual interest and physical attraction two weeks ago next Tuesday. I have always been afraid somewhere deep down that any female who liked me was just pretending to hurt me. I am 48 years old. Don’t underestimate how horribly this condition can effect a life. Remember there a two kinds of ADHD (maybe some mixed?). Most research is about hyper little boys. The more talented you are and intelligent you are the easier ADHD is to hide from yourself and others. I am a talented writer, photographer and musician with an IQ somewhere in the 145-150 range. My ADHD I knew nothing about and was totally unaware of was diagnosed In January at 48. I hid it very well, especially from myself. I began taking methylphenidate in July, stopped self medicating with illegal drugs in March and my psychiatrist doubled my dose in January. I still feel I am improving every day. I have thought of suicide all my life before 2017. I never knew what “having a life” after treatment could be. There is no drug that can ever feel as good as being happy to be alive after spending 48 years in hell wishing you could die.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by mamualvin.
    in reply to: Can my boyfriend get better or shall I leave him? #55102
    mamualvin
    Participant

    Cannabis is actually a very good mood stabilizer. It is supposedly very common for people with ADHD to self-medicate and/or abuse cannabis. I doesn’t make people meaner. If someone was demonizing something that makes you feel better, you’d probably get upset. If it helped, but not enough, that would be even worse. Don’t make it a moral thing. It doesn’t help. CBD is promising but far from well tested and it’s not universally available or easy to get yet. Encourage him to vape if he won’t quit. Cannabis addiction is more of a symptom than problem. Three months into treatment I decided to start a MAT to get off I.V. Dilaudid and Heroin. I haven’t come close to even thinking about wanting to shoot up since March. I became an addiction survivor after 27 years of getting high. So if you can get help for his mental illness, he may not even want it. If by GP you mean General Practitioner, I was misdiagnosed with depression in 2000 by one. Don’t waste time. I was treated for 8 years and told I needed a psychiatrist. I was then treated by USA government health services. (I wanted to die which made it difficult to work) for depression, anxiety and bipolar from 2008 till this January. A private psychiatrist diagnosed me within minutes as he basically could see it from my paperwork and began Methylphenidate. He tells me there is new solid data that it does not increase the risk of drug abuse. Some people still consider it a dangerous addictive drug. It didn’t give me back a life. It made it possible for me to discover what having a life meant. Several times psychiatrists volunteering at the mental health clinic told me if I’d just stop doing everything for two months they might be able to diagnose me. That’s BS to reduce their liability and it keeps people sick. No mentally ill drug addict is going to do that. Find a way to get him to a proper psychiatrist with the training to diagnose him. If he’s just really hard to deal with and is worth dealing with for the rest of your life, maybe stay. But if he is not just hurting your feelings but emotionally abusing you, remember, you might go through several dogs and boyfriends but there is only one you. You have to take care of you before you can help anyone else. Look into “codependence.” It sounds like you are trying to get away but then you come back and repeat over and over. Take care of you. I can’t really give any better relationship advice. I had a girlfriend for 8 months in 1988. I went out on my first date since college last week. Waking up and not wishing you’d died in your sleep makes you way higher than any drug. With the right treatment, everything can change.

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