My Forum Comments
Just my two cents, but I perfectly understand someone losing it over ADD. I suspect that I am inattentive, not diagnosed, and I drive myself nuts and I am sure my partner feels the same. I don’t really understand how I can sit and stare at walls or screens while hours go by and then get annoyed that the house is a mess!
I suspect that my mother and possibly one brother have ADD. They drive me insane, even with the understanding that I have. My mum has a problem; she asks for a solution. I think about it and suggest something; she agrees and is happy to have a solution, and then she won’t activate the change. I know that I do the same thing, but seeing it happen in front of me is agonising because it is so illogical and I can see the benefits that would result if she ‘tried’.
I would ask if your wife could perhaps visit your therapist. Having a professional tell her what you’re trying to tell her might be more reassuring and help her to better understand. She might be able to find her own therapist, who has an understanding of the condition, that she can vent to, but who also can help remind her of your reality.
Hi all, there is another Australian adult link, just search for ‘Australia’ in the forums and you should find it.
Hi again, all. Reporting in from AWOL.
Just wondering; how many of you share my fear of making phone calls? I HATE making calls! Conversely, I feel unreasonably capable and righteous when I do make them. I made a couple yesterday which went very well, and admittedly I fobbed off couple of others by choosing email – which I do like as it gives me a record of what was said – and I let a call go to voicemail so that I didn’t have to deal.
The other thing; so many of the articles on this site, and commentary in the forums, remark upon how much time ADD/ADHDers spend floating online. Which I am also guilty of. This raises several questions for me. Does online access make the condition worse? So are more people exhibiting more symptoms than in the pre-internet days because screen time exacerbates, or possibly triggers, symptoms? Very hard to quantify that, I realise, as diagnoses have been increasing, partly due to more recognition of the condition. But also – what did people with ADD/ADHD do with their time before the internet?
You raise a good point, and I have been wondering about this, too. I have tried telling a few people how I feel – noting that I don’t have a formal diagnosis and still unsure where I would go – but I get mainly the ‘everyone feels like that’, ‘it’s just stress’, ‘you’ve always felt unorganised’ etc. but I can’t get anyone to understand that this year it has gone next level.
Having someone who ‘gets it’ to talk to would be a huge relief.
One thing I must say is that my partner has been really good about it. I have tried explaining it to him and I’m not sure if he completely gets it – and, to be fair, how do we really understand something we don’t have experience of? – but he is not critical of the mess and I know that’s hard because he works long, hard hours and I am not working – long story – and he must come home and wonder what the hell I have been doing all day.
Last night on the way back from my daughter’s gymnastics, I had to stop at the supermarket to get lunches for tomorrow – I had forgotten all about it – and had to contact the tax office and have my partner do the same to get extensions on our tax returns as I have been putting them off, of course, and the deadline is today. The worry and the stress that it causes is ridiculous.
I struggle with being ‘older’, too, but that’s the reality and it’s better than the alternative!
I’m not sure that i can offer much, but I saw your post and didn’t want you to feel alone. And I know that Judiro has given you some great advice, with a lot of experience behind it.
I’m so sorry for the position that you are in. I’m wondering, since you have trouble expressing yourself verbally, as you have said above, perhaps you could write to your wife? You have done a remarkable job of explaining yourself here, and your feelings are clear and real and honest. Your wife could perhaps read your letters or journal in her own time, when she is comfortable, and it would be less confronting than a direct conversation, with all the tangents that emotions create. It may even be something that you can share with your children. It must be a very difficult time for all of you and I am so sorry that you are all in pain.
I hope this helps.
Jesudota, I think that what happens is, because people here have trouble focussing and remembering, it can seem that no-one cares.
I only mentioned this a day or so ago on another thread for Australians – it was like we all were excited to find each other, and there was a flurry of activity, and then we all completely forgot about it. I gave that thread a gentle nudge and the others on it agreed; that’s how it goes sometimes. I think it’s the nature of the – illness? condition? disorder? that this can happen.
I’m sorry that you are not getting responses. I know nothing of business myself, but I hope that someone here can help you. If you have other threads I will certainly help if I can.
Please don’t think no-one cares.
OK. Did we all get really excited about connecting with other Australians … and then forget that we had made these connections and so not contribute any more to the thread? Or did we all get distracted by other shiny objects?
Nothing new to add, but thanks you all for your comments on this thread. They have helped me to not feel as alone – or as crazy – as I had!
You have received some good professional advice in the comment above, and I’m wondering if something that might help is if you have a friend or family member that you can confide in who could help you to stay on track a little? Even if they perhaps drive you to an interview or appointment, or sit in the same room as you while you go through a bit of paperwork?
I hope that you are feeling much better soon.
Hello all, there is a link for some women between perimenopause and ADD/ADHD. If I can find the articles I have read, I will see if I can direct you to them as I believe we can’t post links here. It would be interesting to know if there is any link for men at this stage of life.
Spacecadet59, your daughter’s research is interesting and it makes me wonder more … I was diagnosed with low-level post-natal depression about 10 years ago. I had a lot of memory issues and scatter-brain issues but the depression tag never sat well with me, having had depression previously and feeling completely differently.
It’s difficult when so many conditions share symptoms and are often inter-linked.
Thanks so much to all on this thread. Hummingbird19 – your frustrations are mine, too!
Hello again, all.
Thought I’d share this embarrassment here. I just had to call my elderly parents’ home insurer. I had let the policy lapse in June. Only realised today when I opened some mail that was dated 1 July.
Seriously??? How hard is it to open mail??
Good advice, Penny Williams. Good luck, justin7278.
Thanks for the response, Tikay.
Your comment about under-diagnosis is really interesting. Certainly the idea of adults having these issues is something I have never heard talked about; like many, I actually thought that it was something kids grew out of. I also think that, like autism, it presents differently in girls than in boys and that this is only just being acknowledged. People think that there are really obvious, stereotypical behaviours inherent in both ADD/ADHD and in autism, and if someone doesn’t show those particular traits, their behaviours are dismissed or ignored. It’s more widely understood now that girls with autism, for example, present very differently than do boys, and are more adept at ‘masking’ and simply mimicking behaviour that is considered to be ‘normal’.
Since looking into this for myself, I find myself looking at my Mum and one of my brothers and wondering if they have ADD, too. My Mum is in her late 80s and my brother early 60s and the thoughts of being aged with all the difficulties that alone brings, PLUS ADD, is just God-awful.
My brother is notorious for not taking advice, not listening, not acting even when it’s clearly in his interests to do so. As a result, he is all but alienated from our other two brothers and a source of exasperation to my parents. Mum will read a headline and first paragraph of a news article, panic, and ask me about, almost always saying, ‘I didn’t read the whole thing, but … ‘. My Dad is early 90s and has dementia. I keep telling my Mum about small things she can do to make his, and her, life easier, but she never does any of them! Drives me nuts! But now I’m looking at these things in a whole different light. Not helping me deal any better, though!
I just hit reply to your last, alexia, so let’s see where it ends up!
I don’t know of any instructions, either and the last couple that you have posted showed on my email messages but I can’t find them in the thread; I probably just need to go back a little.
Don’t worry about anything you say here; I’m sure you’ll be understood and I get the bit about the humour but must admit I have days where I just can’t see the funny side. This morning was very much like that. I’m going out for dinner tonight with friends I don’t see often and I’m hoping I can get it together before then.
Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend.
Thanks, Tikay! I don’t mean to offend anyone, I just thought it was funny. Hoping that all is well with you.
My latest doufis moment was having to ask the GP for a new referral for my Dad’s specialist, the day before the appointment, because I had the original, but have no clue as to where it is.
I have been given a name of a clinic that specialises in hormonal etc issues so I hope to follow that up to see if they can provide some answers and maybe a further referral in need.
How is everyone?