leanz

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  • in reply to: Empath wife ADHD husband #136089
    leanz
    Participant

    And thank you for the title!
    Summed up my life too! You are not alone. And it’s okay to live a life no one else understands…

    I do so many things differently now, my own people don’t approve of it all. But it works for me and keeps problems at a bay. I do what keeps peace in my life!

    Leanz

    in reply to: Empath wife ADHD husband #136088
    leanz
    Participant

    Hi There!

    Sorry that you are going through this.

    Get that you can only work on yourself. The other person may have any problems one can possibly have. But we can only work on and improve ourselves.

    There are certain things I vouch for-
    1. Meditation. Every day. This will be your daily sanity tablet!

    2. Self care. Works wonders for empaths. Do search on it. You will get many links and videos. However, using that, you will have to find out what works for you. Slowly, have a list of things that feels good to for you. Do them often. Self care is how we take our power back!

    3. Try and not take his talk seriously. I know it’s difficult. I have stopped talking. It didn’t ever help!
    You need to process how you feel. You need to shoulder your own health – mental and physical. I wonder if you will find a therapist who deeply understands and appreciates both Adhd and HSP at the same time. Empaths have a need to understand, process and sort things out. ADHD personalities may not understand this. Not that they don’t want to. But then that might just to a scary zone for them. Plus they are quick to move on. It’s their good quality for negative/adverse experiences.

    He is tied by his own issues as much as you are by your sensitivity. Try to see it as a mistmatch, rather than a failure.

    Remember to take care of yourself!
    All the best!

    Leanz

    in reply to: Social life of family #135574
    leanz
    Participant

    Thank you Penny for taking time to reply.
    What you mentioned is right. Thanks again!

    Regards,
    Leanz

    in reply to: Isolation #134976
    leanz
    Participant

    Things will get better. Read about ADHD. Do what is in your hands.
    Some phases in life are difficult but as we start learning things can get better for him and for you. Take care!

    in reply to: ODD – Is There Hope? #134975
    leanz
    Participant

    1. Diet control helped a lot, especially removing sweets and food with artificial additives.
    2. Increase sleep if possible.
    3. Do not use force. Use logic. Make connections.
    4. Use one liners. And repeat them.
    Suppose if a child always plays with water wasting ieverytime s/he goes to washroom, you can say – we conserve water and repeat that instead of a full lecture espisode starting with ‘how many times do I have to tell you…’
    4. Show emotional restraint. If the child has a model for anger, ODD child will be quick to pick up on it.
    5. Do not stop ‘showing’ love. It sure is there but its important that your child sees it and feels it.
    All the best!

    in reply to: Kicked out of college and hopeless #85202
    leanz
    Participant

    Hello meshapeterson88,

    Sorry to know you are going through a rough time.

    A loved one of mine is very disorganized, incessant talker. And it is sure difficult for others to cope with it, at times, including myself.

    There are some situations, I am sure, which are no one’s fault. Frustrations are both sides are understandable.

    While you figure out what are some practical ways to help you in this situation(talking to someone higher up, checking if anyone can be asked to go for these reasons etc) try not to take it personally. It’s difficult, but possible.

    No matter who gives up on you, never ever give up on yourself!
    Stay strong.
    At times we ourselves dunno what we are capable of! Its so easy for other people to miss it.
    Take good care of yourself.

    in reply to: The foreigner #77218
    leanz
    Participant

    MattColo,

    One of the things that helped me to come out of my ‘why me’ phase was to ask ‘why not me’.
    The negation actually generated a positive reaction in me.
    One day I came up with an answer – because GOD could not trust anyone else with this than me.
    I started turning the table on all my problems from that day.

    It sure isn’t easy. But it is not impossible.
    Whatever is our ‘it’.

    While you do seek right support and solutions to your condition, do gently be aware of what you tell yourself.
    Some of our worst enemies are internal!

    Take good care.

    Leanz

    in reply to: The foreigner #77217
    leanz
    Participant

    smjimenez31,

    I myself do not have ADHD. So I may not be able to relate 100%.

    I often read problems of friends here who feel that everything is due to their ADHD.
    Somehow I feel that it is a strong identification with the condition.

    For example – Right now I am in a phase of life where I do not have many friends. Its all time low. It hurts. I feel separate from all except just one or two.
    I have always had few friends but I am not a very social person. I have always managed to have a bunch of friends to talk to. So this phase is unsettling for me.

    There were some years I felt very, very low emotionally and was stuck in a ‘why me’ kind of state.
    Just stuck. It lasted for years. It took my own efforts before I could come out of it.

    May be the extent to which or the intensity with which an ADHD person feels the issues is greater coz of the sensitive nature of ADHD person.

    If not ADHD, neurotypical people have some other issues/problems/conditions of their own. No one is free from them. Life balances itself.
    But I am sure we ALL are far more than the issues we face and the conditions we have.

    No matter who gives up on you, never ever give up on yourself.
    Take care!

    Leanz

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by leanz.
    in reply to: I love my son but Im not liking him very much right now.. #76416
    leanz
    Participant

    Hello!

    Try diet changes. It helped us a lot
    Especially odd.

    Do not take his behavior personally. These are just symptoms.

    You try meditation and try to keep yourself calm. Taking good care of yourself and doing what you love, resting when needed will help you be more patient.

    Try avoiding a yes/no interaction. Try ‘may be later’ or ‘sure, after studies’ as your answers.

    Put ur foot down and without drama stick to ur yes or no response.

    Hope something from these will help you.

    Take care.

    in reply to: Finding Your Tribe…Long Post #71270
    leanz
    Participant

    Hi TaurusMoon!

    In the same boat really.
    I have no answer to the question ‘why nobody likes me’
    He has couple of good friends though. And many to play with. But hardly close. Just making up the numbers for the games.

    We do some activities together sometimes though which do not necessarily need others like pajama party at home and drawing, colouring together that gives both of us a break from the routine and relaxes us. Some special plans without needing anyone else.

    We need friends and social connections, agreed. However we all come alone and go alone!
    Do we really need those judging and grudge carrying people in our lives? Maybe not!
    Stay strong and hang in there!

    in reply to: Behavioral Therapy Not Working #71268
    leanz
    Participant

    Tracking for rewards and consequences never worked for us. Every time It came to taking something away it resulted in drama.
    Stars, coins, tickets anything.

    Thinking about it, may be anyone would not like to be tracked this way.

    What works for us is a concept called immediate star. If he does something nice, kind, organised, helpful, loving that in-line with values, I give him immediate star on his hand and shower him with praise.

    Second thing that works for us is one-liners like ‘we make things, we don’t break things’ or ‘we conserve water, we don’t waste water’. Once I come up with a satisfying one liner, I don’t need to manage my emotions plus
    Find the words. All I do is repeat same
    Words again and again till the habit is finally built.

    Hope this helps.Take care.

    in reply to: Dealing with other Parents who don't understand #67108
    leanz
    Participant

    Navybalmer,
    Thank you! 👍👍

    in reply to: Inappropriate Behavior in 11 y/o Please advise #60729
    leanz
    Participant

    Does anyone need to learn about shame and embarrassment?
    These are difficult emotions that arise in us. Everybody feels all emotions. Sometimes what we feel bad about, others don’t. Those are differences and they are there in any two people. Husband-wife, mother daughter, father-son.

    May be your child needs to learn right from wrong. In general or as per your standard. That is ok. All children need to. We too did when we were young and still sometimes do.

    Connect more with your child. Playing board games together helps us connect. Find what works for you.

    Use one liners. They work great for me.
    I repeat ‘we don’t do that dear’ for many things. It took some time but he listens after that one liner better.

    As he is growing up, connection and praise work better for me than other strategies. These are definitely not quick. However I’m sure they will be great for the years to come.

    Refrain from yelling.
    Take care of yourself. Fill ur cup first. Let love flow easily from your heart.

    Good luck!

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)