My Forum Comments
July 16, 2019 at 5:16 am in reply to: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you? #122452
The problems aren’t with my husband as such. He has ADHD. He also has two ex-wives and, as a result, I have 3 step-children. That’s where the problems are. That’s what I would think more carefully about if I had to do it all over again. When it’s just the two of us things are good. I resent that his 2 ex-wives left and that I have raised the youngest step-child single-handedly. That’s caused so much resentment, along with the lack of respect for my position as ‘mother’ from one of the older step-children. Did the ADHD lead to the breakdown of his first 2 marriages? Of course, but only when the kids came along. Both his divorces happened when the kids were really young. We haven’t had kids together because of our ages, but I’ve still been left with all this to deal with, which is really unfair. His second wife disappeared and has no contact. Tough on the child, but tough on me too. I know it was my choice, but I wasn’t really fully-informed when I made that choice, and now I love him so much that I muddle on and look forward to some child-free time in the future. It’s not that I don’t love my youngest step-child, it’s that I want the parenting to be more shared and to not feel so burdened with everything. It’s too easy for him to snuggle down in his ADHD blanket and wait until the parenting is done for the day.
I lose my keys/phone/bag/etc very often. I also ‘lose’ my car when I can’t remember where I parked it. I don’t have ADHD. I think you’re just having a bad few days … we all get them. 🙂
Hi, The Priory in Bristol has specialists in ADHD. They have couples counselling there and lots of other support for those with ADHD and their partners. There are Priory centres in other parts of the UK. I don’t know if they have any distance support.
I have been married to my husband for 12 years. I am his third wife. We have a lot of complications in our marriage but learning that he had ADHD was a ‘lightbulb moment’. My husband tries to engage in conversation and means what he says at the time, e.g. agreeing to things, but then is completely incapable of remembering what we agreed and incapable of following through with anything. I read a book recently called The ADHD Effect In Marriage by Melissa Orlov, maybe you’ve heard of it. It was way too simplistic in its solutions but it did give me some more insight into the strange workings of my husband’s brain. It sounds as if you might need some outside help with your situation to stop things deteriorating further. I’ve found that gaining as much knowledge as I can and also talking to someone else about things has been really helpful.